Call Me Ishmael: Taking the Piss since April 2009
I've made a slight alteration to the heading, as it occurred to me the other day that this blog is practically venerable - in April we will be 17 years old.
Does Carrie not love Boris any more? This is how she sent him out to appear on Laura's politics show. Just look at the state of him.
Straining at the throat, his shirt collar did little to conceal the strange growth of hair starting beneath his ear and descending in a wedge to a point somewhere mid-jowl. He seems to have packed on the weight and thrown away his suits - his trousers were casual in the extreme. Didn't stop him from pontificating about Ukraine, deftly abetted by Admiral Sir Tony Radakin, GBE, KCB, former Chief of the Defence Staff, former First Sea Lord, former Chief of Staff, Joint Forces Command, former Second Sea Lord, former Deputy Chief of the Naval Staff, former Lord High Constable of England, and bit player in the Coronation of Charles III and Camilla. (Yes, I know, very Gilbert and Sullivan).
If Boris is looking like a paraffin lamp, not so his second banana. Always very smart, the Admiral. At least, in his dress and shiny shoes. Maybe less so in the brain department.
Why did Laura invite this double act onto her show? Apart from the Boris Infatuation Syndrome, of course.
Anyway, Boris' latest brilliant idea to make Putin behave, capitulate and suck his dick is to send in non-combatant troops to Ukraine. Really? Unarmed soldiers?
As Alan Clark reputedly said: "what business is it of ours what one lot of wogs is doing to another lot
of wogs?".
Remember this?
In his first six years in office, Blair ordered British troops into combat five times, more than any other prime minister in British history. Probably at the behest of the United States. His wars included Iraq in both 1998 and 2003, Kosovo (1999), Sierra Leone (2000) and Afghanistan (2001). He has a lot to do with the fuck up that is the current Middle East.As of 2025, Tony Blair's estimated net worth is around $60 million. His wealth primarily comes from his political career, consultancy work through Tony Blair Associates, and various business ventures. He has own philanthropic organisation - the Tony Blair Institute for Global Change.
He is remembered as Tony Bliar, war monger.
Shame that Boris appears to have adopted him as his role model.
Fortunately, governments change and we no longer have to do what our Tone and Boris tell us to do. Instead we have Trump pulling the strings:
Could we persuade Trump to annex the British Isles?
I keep on trying to interest you all in Scottish politics. The tumble weed that blows through the Comments section following a Scottish Sunday Ishmael does nothing to dissuade me. I'm going to keep on keeping on and make you care - I suspect Devolved Wales might be more of a shit show but it would be impossible for it to rival Scotland for corruption (allegedly).
The momentous events, dear boy, events, currently embarrassing the Monarchy and Starmer in consequence of the Randy Andy/Mandy scandals, great fun though they are, (oh, sorry, we must focus on the victims), have cast into the shade the Holyrood scandal. Last Sunday I mentioned that Peter Murrell, the former chief executive of the Scottish National Party (SNP), and former husband of Nicola Sturgeon, former First Minister of Scotland, who knew nothing about it of course and divorced the little shit the minute it looked like the turds were floating to the top, is accused of embezzling nearly £460,000 from the party over more than 12 years.
As if that isn't bad enough, and, lets face it, it is very bad indeed for the S.N.P. and their chances of anyone sane ever voting for them again - and Scotland is having a general election in two and a bit months' time, the Advocate General for Scotland stands accused by Russell Findlay, leader of the Scottish Conservative Party in Holyrood, of providing John Swinney, S.N.P. First Minister, with the information of Peter Murrell's multiple charges of embezzlement. Which information he immediately passed onto his spin doctor. Findlay interrogated Swinney at First Minister's questions on Thursday, whereupon Swiney got very cross, red-faced and shouty. He was rude. Watch it here - stay with it - the whole thing is only 11 minutes long, and Swiney performatively loses his temper at around the 4 minute point.
There are four splendid anthologies of the writings of stanislav and mr ishmael, compiled by his friend, mr verge, the house filthster. You can buy them from Amazon or Lulu. Here's how:
Honest Not Invent, Vent Stack, Ishmael’s Blues, and the latest, Flush Test (with a nice picture of the late, much lamented, Mr Harris of Lanarkshire taking a piss on a totem pole) are available from Lulu and Amazon. If you buy from Amazon, it would be nice if you could give a review on their website.IIshmaelites wishing to buy a copy from lulu should follow these steps
please register an account first, at lulu.com. This is advisable because otherwise paypal seems to think it's ok to charge in dollars, and they then apply their own conversion rate, which might put the price up slightly for a UK buyer. Once the new account is set up, follow one of the links below (to either paperback or hardback) or type "Ishmael’s Blues" into the Lulu Bookstore search box. Click on the “show explicit content” tab, give the age verification box a date of birth such as 1 January 1960, and proceed.
Link for Hardcover : https://tinyurl.com/je7nddfr
Link for Paperback : https://tinyurl.com/3jurrzux
https://www.lulu.com/shop/ishmael-smith/flush-test/paperback/product-9yjvn7.html?q=Flush+Test&page=1&pageSize=4
At checkout, try WELCOME15 in the coupon box, which (for the moment) takes 15% off the price before postage. If this code has expired by the time you reach this point, try a google search for "Lulu.com voucher code" and see what comes up.
With the 15% voucher, PB (including delivery to a UK address) should be £16.84; HB £27.04.
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2 comments:
Ive just watched the swinney debate Mrs Ishmael, Ive never seen such a motley crew in my life, fugly doesnt describe them, whats up with the woman to the left of Swinney,,parkinsons maybe?
Hi, mr henry, that is Christine Grahame, SNP MSP for Midlothian South, Tweeddale and Lauderdale. She has said she has a harmless neurologic tremor, but I agree with you - she looked like a nodding dog in that footage. She is the oldest member of the House - born in 1944. Maybe she can't afford to retire. You certainly have an acute observational eye that is really formidable. The Scots are generally an ugly race, but have you seen the state of the Labour backbench women? Especially that scary old one with the white Mohican? I don't know who she is. Anyone?
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