A RETIRED BARMAN REVIEWS THE NEWS
(as imagined by stanislav – obvs not verbotum, innit)
Allo viewers.
Me, ere. Usedta be second prime minister, minister for communities and
transport and pies and maybe that’s why they’re all in such downstanding
condition. Except the pies. Anyroad you can call me Lord John. But I must say
(shouts) IT IS ABSOLUTELY DISACCEPTABLE, WHAT APPENED TO MY GOOD FRIEND LORD
CRABS. I mean, there ee is. Doin his level best for Mother Russia, Mother India
and old mother Gordon and this appens.
(shouts) IT IS ABSOLUTELY TOTALLY AND UTTERLY
INDIGESTIBLE THAT THIS SHOULD APPEN. WHERE WAS IS SECURITY RETAIL WOTSANAME?
(carries on shouting) I MEAN, THIS APPENED IN DEAD
BROADLIGHT, ERE IN LONDON. AND TO A BLEEDIN MIN-ISTER OF THE CROWN OF ER
MAJESTYNESS, GOOD QUEEN BRENDA, EVEN THOUGH I’D STRINGEM ALL UP MESELF, BASTARD
ROYALS. PARACHUTES IS WHAT THEY ARE, IDLE PARACHUTES ON THE REST OF US.
(leans close to camera and shouts louder) I MEAN, THE
POSITION OF THEM SECURITY BLOKES IS ABSOLUTELY UNTESTABLE, WHAT IF IT HAD BEEN
ME? EDS SHOULD FOLD, THAT’S WHAT I SAY, IN ME PLAIN, HONEST WAY. THE FUCK STOPS
WITH THE COMMISSIONAIRE AND HE SHOULD EAT THE KITCHEN IF HE CAN’T STAND HIS
FEET. BITE THE MULLET.
(shouts louder) IN MY LONG CAREER AS A BARMAN, A SLAG, A PONCE, A BULLY AND A SWORDSMAN I
AVE NEVER SEEN NOTHIN LIKE IT. IT MAY BE LIKE I’M CARRYIN PHONES TO COLCHESTER
OR TEACHING YER GRANNY TO SUCK COCK, or is it eggs, BUT SURELY THIS SHOULDN’T
APPEN IN A MODERN POLICE STATE. LIKE WHAT WE’VE FORGED ERE. THE PERSONAL SAFETY
OF MINISTERS SHOULD BE A TOPLY PRIORITISED ISSUE ON THE MAGENTA.
(carries on shouting) AN THAT LITTLE SLUT, IF SHE’D
DONE THAT TO ME, I’D-A HAD ME COCK OUT QUICKER’N SHIT OFFA SHOEHORN AND SAID,
EEYARE LOVE, FANCY BEIN ME SECATRY? YER NOT OVER THIRTY, LOVE? THAT’S ALRIGHT
THEN. TRADITIONAL VALUES IN A MODERN SUIT, THAT’S HONEST LORD JOHN. PETER’S NOT
LIKE THAT THOUGH, FISHES FROM THE OTHER BANK. NEVER TRIED IT MESELF. WELL, NOT
OFTEN, LIKE, AND WHAT’S IT TO YOU IF I AVE? NO LAW AGAINST IT AN EVEN IF THERE
WAS, LAWS DON’T APPLY TO ME. DO YOU WANT A PUNCH IN THE FUCKING MOUTH? I’M ALLOWED.
(calmer now) No, but me thoughts go out to Peter, Lord
Crabs; canta bin much fun forrim, avin all that stuff sprayed in his kisser.
Musta bin like being back on that yacht, with Ivan the terrible gangster…
BBC, March 2009 :
Business Secretary Lord Mandelson has had green custard thrown over him by a
protester as he arrived at the launch of a low-carbon summit in London. The
protester, Leila Deen, is a member of the Plane Stupid group campaigning
against a third runway at Heathrow. The move was a “last resort” after the
democratic process failed, she said.
Lord Mandelson said security was a police matter
but he did not want to “go back” to the 24-hour protection he had when Northern
Ireland Secretary. The business secretary said people should not
"over-react" to the incident. Lord Mandelson stressed that he had
chosen not to continue with “round the clock” protection - which he is entitled
to as a former Northern Ireland secretary - and he hoped this would not now be
necessary. No complaint has been made about the incident and no action taken against
Ms Deen.
But former deputy prime minister John Prescott, who
threw a punch at a protester who had thrown an egg at him in 2001, said it was
“totally unacceptable” that Ms Deen had been able to walk away after the
incident without being arrested.
Speaking on the video sharing site You Tube, he said the protester could
have thrown acid not custard and public figures had a right to go about their
business without being attacked.
8 comments:
The essence of oafdom.
ah, baron presscock of pukka: he coulda been a contender, but he was a cunt.
presscock the prick from prestatyn: the perfect political union of pies, pints, poncin', and porkin'.
'covid' death-vax strikes again: legend of labour-lewdness receives one jab too many.
two jabs...?
...no, it took about half-a-dozen - including boosters.
here endeth another verse from the ballad of the bivalent booster...
and for the benefit of those socially-faithful souls who might wish to join john in pukka political purgatory, the nhs is currently calling on all die-hard labour-voters to book their autumn 'covid'-death-jab - which in the interests of democratic justice, will of course be administered free at the point-of-deliverance.
meanwhile, over in the land of free speech, it is evident that the democrat death-vax-cult has fanatically immunized itself into political oblivion - and that post-election, the poor old dears in zombie-joe's white house are still attempting to figure-out why they are down nearly 7 million votes on 2020.
obama biden clinton & co thought they were so clever...
they're fucked now.
It is a weird thing, mr ultrapox, this drift of political party meaning, purpose and its representational targets. In Britain, the Labour Party was the party of the working class, and John Prescott and Angela Rayner were sops to its traditional constituency - but in reality, it has become the party of the metropolitan liberal left elite, obsessed with identity politics rather than the conditions and aspirations of the working class. It is telling that the Labour Party aligned itself with the Democratic Party of the U.S., as revealed in encouraging its members to go to America to help the Democrats win their election. The Democratic Party, as far as I can work out, used to espouse principles of equality and the intervention of the state to improve conditions for the working class, but has now become a corrupt interventionist player on the international stage, whereas the Republican Party has gained traction through espousing the cause of the working class. They do politics differently in the States, of course. When I was a teenager, I had an American pen pal called Walter, who was totally unable to explain the intricacies of American politics to me, nor the class interests that the parties represented, from which I deduced a) that American teenage boys were thick and b) that American politics, unlike British politics, were not engaged in class war and c) its complicated.
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