The good old sun, Mrs I, and the waters. They will do. (27/11/2022)
Corporation tramcars clang,
On lighted tenements I gaze,
Where paper decorations hang,
And bunting in the red Town Hall
Says 'Merry Christmas to you all'.
And London shops on Christmas Eve
Are strung with silver bells and flowers
As hurrying clerks the City leave
To pigeon-haunted classic towers,
And marbled clouds go scudding by
The many-steepled London sky.
Everyone seems to hate Jamie Oliver, but, let's be honest, he's done well in life for someone with mild Down's Syndrome. The secret ingredient in a lot of those recipes is saliva.
I value my intestinal wellbeing too much to eat food that some filthy fucking bastard has prepared in some fucking crawling, infested shithole of a kitchen. Y'ever work in a kitchen, d'ya know how little they get paid? Christ allfuckingmighty, Cookie coulda had his hand up somebody's arsehole five minutes before he went on duty, he could have all manner of infections and diseases and like that insufferable prick, Jamie Oliver, he might think that food handling hygiene and cross-contamination are all imaginary, dunappen in the real world, bish-bash-bosh, there y'are, snot, shit and gonorrhea, all prepared for under a tenner and in less than fifteen minutes an' my kids, lemmetellya, my kids, Poppy and Floozie, they love this shit, can't get enough of it. Oh 'ang on, the rosemary and chili souffle is ready, they're bezzie mates, rosemary an' chili, drizzle 'em all up wiv some good olive oil and they make magic togevva, just have a quick taste, dip me 'and in, shove it in me Norf'n'South, 'ave a good old lick, wipe it on the arse a me jeans an' jobsagoodun.
I want to take him into my laboratory (his kitchen, the cunt) and preserve him in cognac laced with a julienne of wrens tongues, in a casket of bitterest Belgian chocolate garnished with gold leaf and crushed diamonds and stored in my specially constructed pantry, kept at a perfectly controlled optimum temperature by Tahitian virgins fanning the air across trays of Moondust imported from NASA and keep him until cryogenics have caught up with me and at some point in the future, when he has been revived, I want to decant the late Maestro. And eat him.
thanks to editor mr. verge, there are now three anthologies of the collected works of ishmael smith:
Ishmaelites wishing to buy a copy from lulu should follow these steps :
please register an account first, at lulu.com. This is advisable because otherwise paypal seems to think it's ok to charge in dollars, and they then apply their own conversion rate, which might put the price up slightly for a UK buyer. Once the new account is set up, follow one of the links below (to either paperback or hardback) or type "Ishmael’s Blues" into the Lulu Bookstore search box. Click on the “show explicit content” tab, give the age verification box a date of birth such as 1 January 1960, and proceed.
Link for Hardcover : https://tinyurl.com/je7nddfr
Link for Paperback : https://tinyurl.com/3jurrzux
At checkout, try WELCOME15 in the coupon box, which (for the moment) takes 15% off the price before postage. If this code has expired by the time you reach this point, try a google search for "Lulu.com voucher code" and see what comes up.
With the 15% voucher, PB (including delivery to a UK address) should be £16.84; HB £27.04.