Saturday 31 December 2022

Where the Dead Things Are

You'll remember the concern of the Westminster Government about all the chickens, turkeys, ducks, geese, pheasants, peasants, partridges and pear trees I'm supposedly keeping in my basement? And how I have to report any dead things I may come across on my walks? Here you go:

More Dead Things:

A Vatican spokesperson said: "With sorrow I inform you that the Pope Emeritus, Benedict XVI, passed away today at 9:34 in the Mater Ecclesiae Monastery in the Vatican." The former head of the Catholic Church a.k.a. Joseph Aloisius Ratzinger resigned in February 2013 after being Pope for 8 years due to a "lack of strength of mind and body" because of old age. Despite that, he lived for almost ten more years, and died on the 31.12.22 at the age of 95.
In 2009, stanislav was onto him:

 stanislav, a young Polish plumber,  has been complaining for a bonny long time that Mr Ratzinger and the Noncing Monsignors were a force for evil in the world and not, as they claim, all good blokes doing work of God, innit, fucking bastards.  Is horrible old cunt, Ratso, and swift rubdown with housebrick should have and never mind Ave Maria and Bless me, Father, for I have nonced, should hang-up by neck be from lamp post and see what Holy Mary has to say about that shit, eh?  Would fill up the lamp posts of Europe, innit, clergyman bastard is only undiscovered nonce, mostly, the rest is just poof and not so bad, not ideal is, the only decent priest is shirt-lifting brown hatter fishing from other bank to where decent ordinary hetero-bloke  is fishing but even so people shouldn't expect no better from man in frock, innit, paedo or poof, and just as bad is, nearly, in Church of Anglican Beard, you watch.  Fuck me and Thank God stanislav is  devout fucking atheist.

Stanislav was posthumously vindicated in January 2022, in a report written by German law firm Westpfahl Spilker Wastl and commissioned by the Catholic Church which concluded that Cardinal Ratzinger failed to adequately take action against clerics in four cases of alleged abuse while he was Archbishop of Munich and Freising from 1977 to 1982. He originally denied the accusations  but subsequently corrected his former statement that he had not been at a meeting of the ordinariate  in January 1980. Lawyer Martin Pusch said that "in a total of four cases, we have come to the conclusion that the then Archbishop Cardinal Ratzinger can be accused of misconduct in cases of sexual abuse."
In February 2022, former Pope Benedict XVI had admitted that errors were made in the treating of sexual abuse cases when he was archbishop of Munich. According to the letter released by the Vatican, he asked forgiveness for any "grievous fault" but denied personal wrongdoing. Benedict stated: "I have had great responsibilities in the Catholic Church. All the greater is my pain for the abuses and the errors that occurred in those different places during the time of my mandate."
As a young man he was a member of Hitler's Youth Movement, thus earning himself the nick-name of Pope Nazi. In 2010, at the time of his controversial and very expensive visit to Britain in the natty red shoes and red hat he had revived as Pope-wear,  he was described by Richard Dawkins  as a "leery old fixer" in respect of the continuing problems the Catholic Church had in covering up and containing the widespread sexual abuse of children by Catholic priests and prelates across the world, but notably in North America and Ireland. Pope Nazi's resignation took him out of the public eye at an opportune time. He was succeeded by Jolly Pope Francis, a.k.a. Jorge Mario Bergoglio, a citizen of Argentina. Here, in 2013, mr ishmael describes the tension between the two pontiffs.


 His Holiness Pope Frankie de los Fray Bentos.
Time Magazine's Nonce Protector General of the year.

Giving his Christmas orders to massed pilgrims in Rome and to believers around the world,   man of the people, Pope Frankie, said, muy caballeros, we are the veecar of Kar-ist, and eet ees the first time for an Argie,  best is not to wreck the boat, eh? And so ees all full ahead with same-as-before reforms, uzzerwise ees  my cock on ze  sacred choppin' block, eh, and then pop in some reliquary casket for fuckwits to pray at for hundred an' hundred of fuckin' year, eh? Is like that  instrument of Satan, mr ishmael, always say,  eesa no business like-a showbusiness. Fucking-a dog bones and-a bits of-a dried-up snot, and millions of silly, daft fuckers have-a been a-praying at this shit for-a fucking millenia. Por favor, I yam  only ay poor peasant and not even wear ze posh red shoes, not like some fuckin' popes, eh? Am not namin' no popenames but FuckMeJesus, zis 'avin' a Pope fucking Emeritus, is taking the fuckin' piss, no?

both: Heavenly Father, make this bastard die.

No other poping bastard have had to put up with this shit.  
Previous pope should be fucking dead, no, and having serious bit of arse-roasting down there with competitor?
 Not fucking about, getting under feet of busy man like Frankie.

Anyhow, here they is, my list of reforms for new papacy. An' God bless everybody, especially priests, nuns and any other  mad bad fucker working for me. Not get no money y'know, priest and nuns,   not even minimum starvation wage, like in UK, not on the fucking books, anyhow, otherwise would be paying tax. Render unto Caesar?  Fuck that shit.
Dominus vobiscum.

Frankie Reforms:
Proscribing birth control:  eesa no change.
Forbidding women priests and bishops: eesa no change.
Forbidding married priests: eesa no change.
Church co-operation with torture,  juntas, dictatorships and totalitarianism: eesa no change.
Vatican bank money laundering: eesa no change.
Redistributing Vatican  wealth to the poor: eesa no change.
Prosecution of Pope Nazi for long-term paedophile cover-up: eesa no change
Facilitating and protecting global noncing network: eesa no change, except-a maybe work a bit harder. Frankie always say You gotta love the sinner and hate the sin, so best thing is excommunicate moaning little brats and move noncing bastard to another diocese or maybe move to other country, or else bring to Rome and-a make him Cardinal in  fucking nonce's hat. 
 Princes of the Church,  O'Brien and Savile
You may kiss my ring, child.
An' mine, too, an' how's about that, then? 

mr mongoose's Elegant Christmas Crossword - the answers.
Many thanks, mr mongoose, well done!

Happy New Year, Ishmaelites

And the best of British luck for 2023.


Mike said...

Happy New Year, one and all.

We hope for the best!. But my prediction is 2023 will be more of 2022, only a lot worse. In my bones I feel something BIG will happen.

Anonymous said...

Thanks, mr mike, likewise all round.

Good X-word, mr mongoose, doable but initially resistant. I assume 3 (and possibly 4) down were in honour of mr mike's down-under idiomatic options, while 14 down looks like a nod to the house filthster. An honour, sir, if so.



Mike said...

PS I'll echo mr verge's comment. Well done mr mongoose. Passed several happy hours scratching my head.

mongoose said...

I am glad you enjoyed it, gentlemen. In truth it was a bit of a lash-up at the end but I am trying to make them a fairer challenge. Hard crosswords can be hard, or arcane, or just plain bad crosswords. Mine have not been v good thus far. So I am glad we are getting better.

Perhaps, mr v, we can try to embed the next one as a live beast?

Anonymous said...

What kind of live beast do you mean, mr mongoose? Something slouching toward Bethlehem to be born? If any technical expertise is required (and it sounds like it) you'll have to take point!

First good laugh of the year sees Chris Bryant knighted, presumably for services to underpants and MPs' expenses. Will Brian tap his shoulder with a pork sword when the time comes?


mongoose said...

Absolutely un-fucking-believable, mr v. Perhaps just so that we all know that they're taking the piss and don't care that we know it.

(OK, re web e,bedding. I'll look into it.)