Sunday 4 September 2022

The Sunday Ishmael 4/09/2022

It's the Laura Wotsername Show!!!
Politics is Back and we are going to Have Fun, announced Laura Wotsername, before looking down her not-inconsiderable nose at her interviewees. In a new format for the BBC politics slot, Kuenssssberg seems determined to place considerable blue water between herself and any suggestion of male gravitas as embodied by Andrew Marr - who  emancipated himself from the cold dead hand of the BBC - leaving after 21 years to get his own voice back by joining LBC - how did that work out for you, Andy?
On her inaugural show this morning, Laura successively sneered at Tank-GirlTruss and RichBoySunak, before turning to her panel of distinguished political commentators - Cleo Wotsit, Emily Thornberry and Joe Lycett.
Joe Lycett, presenting The Great British Sewing Bee

The Laura and Liz Sneering Contest went quite well, really, with Laura presenting a graph demonstrating how the TrussTaxCuts will further enrich the rich:
Truss' decision to  reverse April’s National Insurance rise from 12% to 13.25% will give  the poorest tenth of the population just £7.66 a year. By comparison the richest tenth get £1,801.89. Laura asked the belligerent Mrs. Truss if it was fair. Robustly, in true Conservative fashion, she declared it is fair, and embarked on some garbled explanation of how the more tax you pay, the more tax you will save and how the Tory manifesto promised that National Insurance would not be raised. The massive gulf is because National Insurance is now only charged on earnings above £12,570 a year.
Liz added: "To look at everything through the lens of redistribution is wrong." Just as long as we know where we stand, Liz.

"There's nothing surer, the rich get richer and the poor get poorer".
As long as we're having fun, Laura.
Conservative voters, confronted with the reality of Truss becoming Prime Minister on Monday, are calling for the return of Boris. Last month, Laura, in full school-teacherly mode, told us it was all his own fault when Tory ministers and junior aides resigned en masse in early July: Boris Johnson's own “personality and behaviour” led to his eventual downfall as prime minister. Laura Wotsername: “I think it’s clear that until very late that last night, there was a real sense of denial.”
She also revealed that The Spectator’s summer party – attended by senior Tory figures after the revolt against Johnson – was like being in a “tropical jungle” which was “very hot, very wild and very bizarre”. Describing the event as “hilarious”, Kuenssberg recalled “a stand-up row” between members of the different Tory factions: “They’d slain the beast who’d been pushing them all around for so long. The next generation was prowling around, trying to build new alliances and grab the plumpest, juiciest fruit for themselves.” Guto Harri, Johnson’s communications chief at No 10, reportedly got into a heated altercation with a key aide to Michael Gove at the summer drinks bash last month. Remember the appellation of Snake Gove being applied after the Levelling Up Secretary was fired soon after telling Johnson the game was up and he should resign? 
from mr ishmael:
 Or as Mr BoGo might lucidly pronounce,

Cogito ergo sum ​​vicis.  I think therefore I am a philanderer, ho-ho, ho-ho, jolly good chap really, only a bit of fun, dash it all, a chap's just being red-blooded, tormenting his her indoors. No, jolly fine bunch of chaps, whoops, and chapesses, what am I like or quid enim sum ego, if, like me, you conduct most of your discourse in a dead language...
Dashed fine body of public servants, at the PBC, jolly well trust 'em with anything, apart from my daughters, that is, or sons. I say, do I have any children, 'sanybody know, on my staff, 'sthe sort of thing a chap's staff should know, after all........
28/2/2016 The Circus is in Town: extract
Back to the Kuenssberg Show - they pulled out all the stops, even  popping our eponymous heroine across to Kyiv to interview Mrs. Zelensky. Perfectly groomed, exquisitely dressed (no military fatigues for her), shod in a shade to match her trouser suit, coiffed and made-up, Mrs Zelensky dismissed the notion that poor Britons would suffer from escalating fuel and food costs incurred in consequence of Russian reprisals for Western sanctions. "Ah, but we suffer too and we have casualties."
In other news, 
Sadiq Khan is my hero! Impossible to get rid of by any legal means falling within employment law, Cressida Dick (Balliol College, Oxford) has enjoyed a lengthy and lucrative career in the Metropolitan Police despite incompetence and scandal, her employers promoting her out of one bad situation after another, starting with her  authorisation of the illegal fatal shooting of Jean Charles de Menezes. Other notable controversies included the Met's use of stop and search tactics; the handling of recommendations made after the botched and bizarre Operation Midland;  arrests of attendees at a candlelight vigil for Sarah Everard, raped and strangled by Metropolitan Police Officer Wayne Couzens, who then burned her body; and complaints by the Daniel Morgan Independent Panel that she obstructed their inquiry into police corruption in 2021. In February she announced she would be resigning after losing the confidence of Sadiq Khan, the Mayor of London, over her response to racism and misogyny in the Met. Since she left in April, she's clearly had time to think on the manner of her going and, helped along by Sir Tom Winsor's report into the handling of her exit in which he found that Sadiq Khan did not follow due process, she is now accusing Khan of constructive dismissal. She says that his behaviour was oppressive, unreasonable, entirely unacceptable and unfair.
There are currently two formal inquiries underway into the culture and practices of the Metropolitan Police Force, now in special measures.
Private Eye tells me that it has long been police practice for officers to personalise their head gear with sexualised drawings, known to Jan Szymczuk, retired senior detective police artist, as "the obligatory Met cock graffiti". He supplies "adult themed illustrations (cocks, nudes, boobs) and whatever else depraved illustrations officers want scribbled inside their flat caps." 

You may be interested in this piece drafted by mr ishmael on the 29th August 2015. Scottish jurisprudence.
For most of the last fortnight,  a Glasgow fatal accident enquiry was hijacked by a gaggle of cleverdick  Scottish lawyer-bullies, badgering a former lorry driver  to put his head into a noose for them; when he failed to co-operate the relatives of those killed under his lorry's wheels burst into tears, marched from the court and issued press statements, like people do, these days, in the clamour for Decency's extinction.

Seems that Driver Harry has a history of passing-out at the wheel, a fact he withheld from his job application to Glasgow Council, where he was employed as a refuse collection vehicle operator - he drove a bin lorry - can't you just hear redneck rabblerouser, Jerry Clarkson, snorting at the thought of binlorry drivers sharing the same road as he?  
Who wants to see Harry's lap of Sauchiehall Street? 
But I warn you, limbs will shatter, blood and intestines will spill.
 And people will die.
Who wants to see it?
(audience of half-wits  cheers deliriously)

Last year, anyway, Harry passed-out at the wheel and his lorry mounted the pavement of  a busy shopping street, killing half a dozen; bad enough, one might think, but this happened during what we now call the Run-Up2Christmas, the season of  credit card debt and hatred to all men; it being Christmas,  relatives and other sensitive Glaswegians wanted to lynch  Harry. For spoiling their Christmas.  

Forgive yon manky basterd?  
He needs his fucking  goolies handin' tae him.  
Aye, Happy Christmas, yersel' like, Peace on Earth, Guidwil tae all o' yous. 
But not tae yon eejit. 
Get ma hands on him an' I'll be deckin' the halls wi' 'is innards.  
 See me, Ah wis raised a Christian, so I wis, but nae when it comes tae forgivin' people, d'ye ken, that's shite, that is.
An' that's why I love the Tribesmen s'much.
They dinnae want yous tae forgive people even when they havenae done nothin' tae you, in the first place, like, d'ye ken?
It's fair a religion all on it's own, that is.
Vote SNP fer better benefits, like,
 an nae taxes.
Aye, an' a bostin Health Service.

Even Gnasher, our bloodless, mutant heroine, tottered along to the scene in her wee suit, to screw up her wee rodent  face in sympathy with her people, See Me? I care aboot yous wee folk, an' I want mair fer youse, only no' as much as I hie fer meself, ken? I need m'three  grand a week, ken, aye, an' m'wee palace tae hang-oot in, cos if I have it, it's just like yous're havin' it, too. See me, I'm all fer sharin', I am, only no' m'readies, I worked for m'money an I'll be leavin' it tae m'bairns, only I dinnae have any. Aye, it's somethin' else I sacrificed fer youse, so's I could help youse to hate the English a bit better. Hate, d'ye ken, it's the politics a the future.

At the time of the Great Christmas Slaughter, the Crown Office -  the McCPS - said that unconscious Harry would not be prosecuted over the incident. It seemed strange, from the outset, that even before toxicology or accident investigations had completed, the Lord Advocate said that no charges would be brought against Harry.
Harry,  would assume, therefore, that the state would not prosecute him. Nine months later, relatives, as Harry's medical records  emerged,  sought to bring a private prosecution against him, and their squadron of gobby QCs are using this enquiry to try to make Harry plead guilty in advance to whatever charges the private prosecution may bring; it is all utterly disgusting but only what one would expect from Scottish lawyers.  Monstering of Harry by legal filth.   Jock jurisprudence - dunno who is the worse, the practitioners or the judges and sheriffs.  The lawyers rip people off in ways which would dazzle English solicitors - the estate agents here are all solicitors and they charge you eyewatering costs, even when they don't sell your house and never even tried to sell your house  - while those on the bench, when not engaged in child molestation, theft  and, what would you call it, behaviour a la Lord Sewel, just frame people at will. Megrahi being the most notable - any English Magistrates Court would have thrown that rubbish out, but the Scottish, their justice is the best in the world, does exactly what the FBI  and the CIA pay it to do.

The Holly Greig abuse scandal is a Scottish version of MediaMinster perversion being covered up by politicians and so-called law officers and one of the few sensible things that Gnasher did was to sack Kenny McCaskill, justice minister, although without censure.
 The Justice Secretary was linked to the Lord Advocate's lawyers after journalist and broadcaster Robert Green* was arrested by Grampian Police. Scotland's Crown Office are said to be heavily involved in the arrest in Aberdeen of Robert Green, who travelled to the Grampian area the previous day to attend a public protest against the lack of action by Scotland’s law enforcement agencies to prosecute identified individuals in an alleged Aberdeen-based paedophile gang,  accused of serial abuse of disabled victims, including Downs Syndrome girl, Hollie Greig.

  Grampian Police apparently arrested Mr Green before he was even able to attend the planned protest, taking him into custody earlier in the morning on a charge of breach of the peace, which Mr Green had been detained on, until his appearance at Aberdeen Sheriff court before a colleague of a Sheriff  identified by one of the abuse victims as being an alleged member of the alleged paedophile gang who are accused of abusing and sharing disabled victims.

  The Scottish Law Reporter  covered the story of Hollie Greig on previous occasions,  revealing that Scots Law magazine “The Firm” were censored by the Crown Office, and revealing that a private law firm had been tasked by the Lord Advocate to threaten and censor media investigations of the case.

Glasgow legal firm, Messrs Levy McRae, were hired to threaten any media outlet reporting on the allegations, identifying alleged victims or perpetrators or those involved in the Grampian Police investigation. Mr Green alleged that the investigation carried out by Grampian was incomplete, apparently having omitted to interview many or all of the chief suspects or victims.

  Justice Secretary, Kenny MacAskill, has long-standing ties to Levy McRae,  having worked at the firm for a considerable time during his years as a solicitor.

This is all old stuff, now, and everybody hopes it will go away, just as, South, they hope Dolphin Square and Lord Miscarriage's Welsh Tory Child Abuse  Inquiry will go away.  And if we let them, it will.
I am a bit disappointed that Citizen Corbyn has not, to my knowledge, broached the scandal of Mediaminster beasting.

*Robert Green, journalist, broadcaster and campaigner against child abuse, corruption and injustice, died on 11th April 2019 after a short illness.

 Now Available

If the above essay has whetted your appetite for more from the originator of Call Me Ishmael,  look no further than  Ishmael’s Blues - which is now published, in both paperback and hardback editions; both editions are immediately available from  The paperback is also listed on amazon. Honest Not Invent and Vent Stack, the first two books in the sequence are also available from Lulu and Amazon. If you buy from Amazon, it would be nice if you could give a review on their website.

Ishmaelites wishing to buy a copy from lulu should follow these steps :

 Unless you’ve done this already, please register an account first, at This is advisable because otherwise paypal seems to think it's ok to charge in dollars, and they then apply their own conversion rate, which might put the price up slightly for a UK buyer. Once the new account is set up, follow one of the links below (to either paperback or hardback) or type "Ishmael’s Blues" into the Lulu Bookstore search box.  Click on the “show explicit content” tab, give the age verification box a date of birth such as 1 January 1960, and proceed. 

The book’s full title is "Ishmael’s Blues – further Chronicles of Ruin", and the cover you'll see is red with white titles and a picture of blogdog Buster retiring from the fray, cat gloating from a safe distance. The cover is the same for both editions.

Link for Hardcover :

Link for Paperback :

At checkout, try WELCOME15 in the coupon box, which (for the moment) takes 15% off the price before postage.  If this code has expired by the time you reach this point, try a google search for " voucher code" and see what comes up.  

With the 15% voucher, PB (including delivery to a UK address) should be £16.84; HB £27.04.



the tin-foil lady said...

the other day, someone suggested to me that, in order to resolve our great country's rather irksome little cost-of-existing crisis, all energy should be supplied free at the point-of-delivery...

and you know, having first carefully double-checked that i'd not been abducted by a red-nosed russian brigade of raving recidivist commies, i later thought to myself, in an unrenewable moment of long-life light-bulb-lucidity: "yes: free energy's comprises the simplest solution to our currently intractable politico-economic problems - in fact it's an absolutely brilliant idea - but how the fuck's kwasi gonna pay the bill?"

Mike said...

Ms tin-foil-lady: you need to move to Russia. Check the price of energy there - they do almost give it away, and BTW they are more capitalist there than in the totalitarian West. But soon, price won't matter because there won't be any - at least in the West, and not for the plebs.

Tank Girl v the boy Sunak. Its like a biblical pestilence.

mongoose said...

Pretty thin gruel, I fear, mr mike.

It's the plodding that is so dispiriting. The three card trick - "No. New. Taxes." Even "Education. Education. Education." But "Deliver. Deliver. Deliver." recited with all the vim and vigour of a fourth form debating competition has got me bored from the first day. I shall give it a miss, thank-you.

Tax cuts, mrs i? It's not the government's fucking money in the first place! They're not giving anything back. They're failing to steal it. It is money confiscated from ordinary people at the point of a lance so that they can piss it up the wall with their lockdowns and their HS2 and their wars. Income tax and NI - call it thirty percent. 70% left. VAT - 20%. 56% left. Council Tax etc? Mine's about 15% of the average wage. 41% left. There is no reason on this earth why it should cost over half the wealth of a nation to man an army and keep the roads flat. It is laziness, lies and conceit that carries it on year after year.

the tin-foil lady said...

due to an embarrassingly fluffed last-minute edit, the final sentence in my above comment has unfortunately turned, much like the rest of my uninformed and ignorant pronouncements, into absolute gibberish, and so i duly direct ishmaelites to the original joined-up version - which read:

"yes: free energy's comprises the simplest solution to our currently intractable politico-economic problems - in fact it's an absolutely brilliant idea - but how the fuck's kwasi gonna pay the bill?"

mr mike, i would never move to russia, at least, not without the personal security of my big red nuke-button - which, alongside my anti-communist mace-spray and a framed photo of st margaret of grantham, accompanies me everywhere in my hand-bag.

the tin-foil lady said...

[oh bugger, strikethrough failed to actuate: let's try again...]

due to an embarrassingly fluffed last-minute edit, the final sentence in my above comment has unfortunately turned, much like the rest of my uninformed and ignorant pronouncements, into absolute gibberish, and so i duly direct israelites to the original joined-up version - which read:

"yes: free energy's the simplest solution to our currently intractable politico-economic problems - in fact it's an absolutely brilliant idea - but how the fuck's kwasi gonna pay the bill?"

mr mike, i would never move to russia, at least, not without the personal security of my big red nuke-button - which, alongside my anti-communist mace-spray and a framed photo of st margaret of grantham, accompanies me everywhere in my hand-bag.

ultrapox said...

i foresee, mr mike, a geo-political polar reversal - as a palindromic result of which the east will become rich and capitalist, and the west impoverished and communist.

now, as regards the - intellectually endowed - quasi quick-ting, and his capacity for footing the fuel-bill, i suggest that - like the rest of his grafting parliamentary crew - he get a second job...

yes, in order to bring in some extra cash, maybe he and kommandant von cloverleaf could - having pressed private clammy into their platoon's racially blind ranks - complete a swift tour-of-duty with their ideological brethren in the asov-battalion...

you know, i reckon the wolfsangel would really suit our intrepid trio of westminster-warriors - especially once they're kitted-out in those rather dandy leather-boots - and of course, sue-ella bravo-two-zero could provide her galloping british gallants with the wholesome home-made pleasure of a poppadum-filled packed-lunch - before waving them all off on their jolly jaunt to nato's invigorating eastern front.

the guys'll integrate a treat over there in ukraine, i'm just sure...

and will all be home by christmas.


in explanation, i should add that chancellor quasi ker-ching - better known by colleagues as alfie ardon - is rumoured to have amorously worked his way through the majority of the conservative harem - up-to-and-including former climate-change policeperson amber flood.

ultrapox said...

liz "your country needs you" truss has stated that ukraine can enjoy her "full backing" in its suicide-mission against the angry russian bear - yet has totally failed to acknowledge that mad mishka originally lost his oily rag after being attacked with bio-weapons supplied by bonker-boris and his neo-imperialist pals in the secret service of western intelligent nepotism.

perched precociously upon president joe bomb-em's knee, prime minister fizz puss has also indicated her profoundly neo-conflagrant belief that, if she can find enough fuel to pour on the ukrainian fire, the neo-colonial conflict ignited by her promiscuous predecessor will not only be never-ending, but permanently shackle whatever-little-remains of ukraine to the euro-blood-mineral emporium in brussels - and to those incumbent nato-cocksucking vampires which forever haunt that evil entity's cia-controlled corridors of neo-imperialist corruption.

of course, given the indefinite longevity of this russo-ukrainian war, and the imminent coming-of-age of liz kitchener's tender teenage off-spring, then the question now quivering upon many british lips is brutally simple:

in the same manner as she has condemned to eradication the budding flower of both ukrainian and russian youth, will our prime war-monster soon be sending her own dear daughters to their icy neo-cool death-in-the-donbass - or will perhaps the laughing lizard of leeds be consigning to the nato-slaughterhouse just britain's less-privileged children?

Anonymous said...

Blimey, Chucky doesn't mess about though, does she? Kiss of death or what? Hashtag the nation mourns, apart from those who'd rather not, thanks.


mrs ishmael said...

Ah, yes, mr verge, she probably thought, Fuck this for a game of soldiers, There's been some pretty rum coves in Our sitting room, but this Truss is a Tank too far, Up with this We will no longer put, it's time for Brian to have a go.

ultrapox said...

a most interesting interpretation of the late historic happenings, mrs ishmael - you beat me to it.

my solemn offering on this sad day was to be thus:

the long-anticipated royal event having taken place on the secluded highland estate of balmoral, we can never know for sure whether the queen is actually deceased or not, but suffice-to-say that she's had it up to the royal gunnels with all the corrupt warmongering cunts in the westminster-establishment and won't be making any further public appearances; our dear departed monarch always strove to do her duty, and through gritted teeth even endured the dreadful double-whammy of granting audiences to the lout and the lizard on the same day, however the horrifying prospect of megamouth muckraker paying her a social visit clearly constituted a royal arse-ache too far, and she hastily quit the plot - leaving a mysterious message on her office-door, which simply read: "gone grouse-shooting with philip".

the queen is deed: long live the ****

ultrapox said...

is it just me, or does anyone suspect that the foreign secretary and the chancellor have both been shagging the prime minister?