Friday, 19 December 2014


A deranged, megalomaniacal political hoodlum today dismissed the news of falling oil prices as variously Scaremongering, Project Fear and The Sort Of Negative Reporting We Have Come To Expect From Those Who Dispute My Infallibility, ie everyone in the world except my successor as First Gnasher, I mean Minister, Ms McSturgeon.

Just because every single bastard in the whole fucking world says the oil price is falling doesn't make it so.  I take my cue from Nobel laureate, Professor  Jim McNumpty  and he confidently predicted that oil prices would soar.  And so they must have.
There, d'ye  ken, now?  
That's the sort of faultless logic which wins the hearts and minds of  unemployed, cross-dressing, wife-beating drunkards. Millions of whom will soon be leaving my party in droves.

The right thing for Scotland is that the oil price rises, continues to rise and that the North Sea provides secure, well-paid, highly-skilled jobs for everyone who votes for the Tribesmen's Party and provides them for thousands of years to come.  

That's what I decreed before the Referendum and that, now that I have won the Referendum and run away to London, like every other fucking Jock on the make, is exactly what will happen. 

Alexei Salmondski, 
former boss of the  Jock Praesideum
 is stark, raving mad.

Well, now letmebeclear. Coz this is very important.  As the prime minister.  Of this great country. Of many. But not enough. Hard working families.  I and my team. Are committed. In a very real sense. To telling you. Who are after all, my boss. The truth. Not about Mr Hague or Mr Clark or Mr Greer. And not about any of those supposedly murdered children.  Did I mention I had a dead child? Well, you'll know then that I won't take any lectures about paedophilia in the Tory party. But that's all in the past. If Mrs May has anything to do with it.  But apart from that, my team is committed to telling you, their bosses, the truth about things. Only not when it might help the Labour Party. And that is why.  You will not hear me.   Firing a round of fucks. Into Comrade Salmondski.
Fuck me, no. 'Sthe very last thing I'd do.

If I was to show him up for the worthless fucking chancer that he is. And is shown to be by the plummeting oil prices. If I were to do that then that would only help Mr Miliband's nutters up there, up there in Scotland. A Scotland which I am very proud to have retained as part of the United Kingdom. Even though I didn't. It was just that anyone  who had experienced a moment of sobriety in the last decade could see through Comrade Alexei and his yappy little mongrel, Gnasher.

Gnasher Sturgeon.
Head Girl of the Scottish Assembly.
She also knows fuck all about oil.
Or anything else.


Mike said...

Actually, I think Alexei played a good hand. The Jocks have the deal of the century, thaks to dopey Dave, and he is gold-plated for the rest of his life.

What's more perplexing is why the yanks are forcing down the price of oil? Surely they don't think this will do down Vlad and the Russians? After all, the Russians have $400B in debt to Europe banks - officially, so probably double that - and the meerest suggestion of default would fuck up Europe big time. And winter is appraoching, and Vlad has his hand on the gas valve to Europe.

At the same time, North Sea oil and the UK economy will be shafted, not to mention all the frackers in the US. Makes no sense.

And if all those MBAs are worth anything in the US administration, they would realise that China is the big strategic threat and they need Russia on-side.

So whats happening? Surely it can be as simple as Halibuton, or someone in the US, shorting oil and making a quick trillion in profit.

call me ishmael said...

It is way beyond my pay-grade, the seemingly unpredictable fluctuations in commodity prices, mr mike. I expect, too, that the causes are over the heads of most of my fellow citizens. What they will know,however, is that day after day Salmond insisted that they could, must only go up; now they have crashed and jobs are threatened in the North Sea; it fills Gnasher's poisoned chalice to the brim, the one we pointed-out just a couple of weeks back and is a potentially tremendous boost to Jock Labour.

I don't know about a good deal. Any further devolution of power to Edinburgh can only reveal the incompetence of Scottish ministers of every hue, who really are worse than those in MediaMinster. It is not a parliament, you see, more like a big local council, its personnel reflect that and its procedures, supposedly demystifying actually make it look amateurish, crass. Try to see it, if you haven't, on the ouija-viewer.

Certainly Cameron fluffed it from the word Go but the truth of the matter is that an incoming UK government may not feel itself bound by all the protocols of the Edinburgh Agreement, certainly the SNP doesn't and it drafted most of them, why should anyone in England give a fuck what whiney wee Sturgeon and her lying, rotten numpties say?

A pan-European alliance including Russia is obviously - vis a vis - China, in everyones interests, especially Uncle Sam's, so why did he meddle so crassly in Ukraine? How long will the Hermanns tolerate the interference and interruption in their business with Russia? Why Cuba, why now? I'm fucked if I know.

mongoose said...

Apart from making a few quick quid from shorting, there is also the vast amount to be made by lowering the value of a potential investment in the industry. This deters new entrants such as those fracking bastards who could make a business case at say, $150 per barrel but who now cannot at half that. So the energy market - whose value is decided over decades and not days - remains the property of those inside the tent pissing out.

Poor people, you say? In McScotland? In winter? I heard only yesterday the BBC telling me that a high oil price was in "our" interest. Just for a second consider that. How can the hell that be true? Unless "our" means something else.

Cuba, I think, is just Obama filling his days until he gets to build his library. Cuba has been irrelevant since November 1963.

SG said...

Excellent piece Mr I. In some ways I wish they really had won the referendum just so we could watch them trying to wriggle out of it following the collapse of their economic base case - such as it was. Regarding the timing of the Cuba thing - Russia continued to bankroll them after the collapse of the Soviet Union. Whether they can continue to do so must be debatable now for a variety of reasons with oil prices being only one of them. Therefore the timing of the rapprochement with the US may not be coincidental - all that emigre money sat in Florida just waiting to flow back.

Bungalow Bill said...

Yes no reasons to be sought beyond the vampiric craving for money and power, the endless feasting upon the mortal masses. The contest of nations and blocs of nations is a magical distraction, as we on here know, for the poor souls who think that is what it's all about. It's worked so far, no need to change now.

yardarm said...

MacMugabe is a bigger walking joke than the rest of them in MediaMinster and that's saying a great fucking deal.

After failing in his ambition to dance around in the Skirt of Sate on Independence Day the fat fraud is crawling back to Westminster, the very place he spent months in haranguing everyone to vote to break free from.

As you rightly say and as MediaMinster fails to point out, the arse falling out of the oil market makes a joke of an economic base for Jockenesia.

Oil ? Russia ? What the Great Tits Up of `08 showed is that no cunt, politician, central bankster, dosh juggler, pundit, all these rocket scientists of the economy had a fucking clue and never did. They dont now. No doubt the Goldman Sachs bastard in Threadneedle Street is ready to provide billions of Magic Money to his fellow entitlementistas while the rest of us can fuck off to a food bank.

I see Mandy Rice Davies has died. Oh for the days when ministers just went to prostitutes, not raping children.

call me ishmael said...

A pernicious pair of children, MRD and Christine Keeler, ruining the lives of good, decent men, sound chaps, old enought to be their grandfathers.

If only Mr Hague had been alive, he'da sorted the wicked little whores, give 'em a spot of discipline, down Dolphin Square.

I never much cared for Mandy but I rage, still, at the way skymadeupnewsandfilth treated Christine Keeler, as though she, a teenager, was the perpetrator and Profumo and his noncing chums the victims.

call me ishmael said...

Aye, as usual, everybody here more succinct than I, still occasionally floundering on the shores of UnTruth, Ruim's tide up to my knees.

mongoose said...

The odd thing about the energy market being that price and wealth also resides in reserves - or stated reserves anyway. So the total lolly to be enjoyed down the ages is massaged by events which limit or loosen access. Arab springs, Ukranian mishaps, Canadian tar sand eco-concerns, fracking threatening not just to break the rocks but to break the established hold on the market, OPEC all but dead, Iraq III starting as we speak. Does the anti-energy consumption part of the green movement feed into this or is it a construct of it? Is it all - all of it - a set of levers the better to spin out the gravy train for an extra few decades? Could it be after all that Cameron's father-in-law's subsidised windmills are what the whole game is about, the global hoodwink plain to see in a venal anecdote? One silly bastard giving the whole game away by snatching at a paltry few quid to keep him in butlers.

call me ishmael said...

I believe I should have a nuclear powered kettle and car, a reactor in my garden to keep us warm and lit and fed and I don't think there should be any charge beyond installation and maintainance. The idea that I must be charged, lifelong, for fossil fuel products and planned obsolescent appliances in which to consume them is really taking the piss.

So much, though, of consumer culture is tied into petro-chemical stuff, from Clarkson and his midget felcher to the just-in-time supply chain which has spawned this pestilence of white vanzi poundlanders buzzing around the nation's roads annoying decent folk like us, mr mongoose; the enslavement to variably-priced oil products is complete and because of a couple of utterly trivial incidents in Chernobyl and Japan a handful of gobby, impudent, know-it-all Green monsters is enabled to browbeat the rest of us out of a clean nuclear future.

You are correct, the windmills are just more of the same old shit. They tried to lend me the money to buy one from them. Oh, mr ishmael, you'll have free electric and free money-back from the grid, what's not to like? You, Mr Suntan-Bighair-BlackSUV-Driving-CarpetBagging-Cocksucking-Fuckhead-Ignoramus, you're what's not to like. And besides, it'd frighten the birds, the ones who migrate here, every year, to my trees and bushes, from thousands of miles away.

Greens, eh, what are they like, holding Villainy's coat for him?

mongoose said...

No good deed, Mr I, goes unpunished.

SG said...

Totally with you on the matter of nuclear power Mr I. We should have gone all out for it decades ago. Done at scale we would now have, near as damn it, a safe, reliable, environmentally friendly (compared to many of the alternatives), secure and cheap supply of energy. What's the point of electric cars etc. if they rely on a power grid that is generated by fossil fuels? Also we'd be world leaders in the technology like the French, on whom we now rely for the same. As for the so-called greens, I've exercised my ire at them back up the road somewhere so I'll not bore everyone with my thoughts (rantings...) on them again. Regarding windmills, unless we can find a way of storing electricity cheaply and in vast quantities, it is difficult to see how they can ever be, be an economic means of generating power at scale and that is before one consider the environmental impact. I wager that in 50 years time they'll be a curiosity, a piece of industrial archeaology, rather than a part of the energy 'mix'.

call me ishmael said...

I trust that condignity refers to them, mr mongoose, and not me. The thing about them, the Greens, is that they are so incompetent at making the case of climate change that they may as well be working for the same crew as pays Nigel Lawson; so insufferably irritating, so smug are they that they drive millions from even considering the potential dangers of climate change, turning them into praise singers for GlobaCorp.

call me ishmael said...

That's all axiomatic, mr sg, an obvious truth, but there are jobs in the North Sea, in Texas, in Saudi Arabia, all over the fucking place, which are used to flay the skin from Truth's back.

There are hundreds of millions of people, further, who believe that rising sea levels will have no effect, that somebody'll sort it. And all the Greens do is obfuscate everything with their ghastly, self-sacrifical sanctimony, claiming as their own property, the one true solution to planetary meltdown - Vote For Them. As bad as the fucking nutterkippers. Hanging, it's too good for them; that smiley emptyhead, Caroline Lucas. I'd burn her alive on Brighton Pier.

SG said...

Burning seems a little harsh Mr I, even for Dr Lucas & I rather like piers and would prefer to avoid the risk of another piece of our Victorian heritage burning down. Much better that the views of 'witch-doctors' of this kind be subject to proper challenge using the mediums of science and reason. Scrape off the green veneer and underneath you should find a Horsey-Tory-Shire-Wife occupying a Georgian farmhouse somewhere in the vicinity of Newbury. But why not? The answer can be found in her wikipedia profile (sorry I don't seem to be able to paste in the wiki profile, but fuck it is easy to find). The problem of worklessness is a familiar one amongst the undereducated, 'Benefits Britain', lumpen-proletariat but it seems that the progeny of the upwardly mobile middle classes are similarly afflicted. All that education and it would appear that she has never done a day's work in her life Mr I. No return on the tax paying publics investment in her beyond 'new age' crystals and babble. Give me strength!...

mongoose said...

Part of the problem, Mr I, is as you imply that their truth is not brave enough to stand on its own. Fucking windmills? Dear me.

Thus while we do currently hear about "climate change", we used to hear about "global warming" and we will soon hear about "climate instability". And while the weaselling goes on, the truth is lost - that we have to live alongside nature rather than stomp around on top of her, and that the current fixation with one narrow facet of that - one not anywhere near as clear cut as they would like - leaves out a great deal of unarguable commonsense that we could sensibly adopt without wrecking the lives of already poor people, or filling the coffers of the alreaady butlered.

The eco-loons are the new Jesuits, and would want us all barefoot, hair-shirted and dwelling in worthy darkness. Bell, book and candle awaits the denier. No nuclear swords into ploughshares fro them. Thou Shalt Not.

call me ishmael said...

Just paid them a few quid, wikipedia, nothing, considering.They asked how wiki had changed my life. I said that most of my library was now redundant and that probably wiki had corroded such meagre powers of deduction, reason, imagination and investigation that I could previously have drawn upon. Bit of a mixed message. But I was happy, nonetheless, to support wiki.
Never sure about worklessness, we bash the impotent poor, yet worship those Tatler folk, the historical , murdering kleptocracy, haven't done a day's work in centuries.

call me ishmael said...

Mr Jackson Browne wrote and sang some fine words and notes along those lines, thirty years ago, now, mr mongoose, in Before the Deluge, Let the buildings keep our children dry, let the music keep our spirits high, let Creation reveal her secrets, by and by.

I think, here, on my often boisterous shore, where my phone has been knocked out by unprecedented lightning, that maybe she is starting to.

SG said...

I seem to recall that we have discussed the matter of physical libraries before Mr I. I was persuaded by your arguments in relation to the same. Wiki is indeed a fine tool but not a substitute for books. Therefore it may be advisable to hang on to your books. However you have shamed me into making a contribution to the Wiki folks too, after many times of asking on their part.

call me ishmael said...

There are about ten thousand of them, mr sg, books, and I can never seem to part with even one, fuck knows what'll happen to them. The people I know who like books have more than enough of their own; I can't give 'em away.

I have managed to pack away all the CDs and stuff and now just visit the global library of youtube but I don't think I can manage the same thing with books. And I still believe in public libraries, the benign face of municipal socialism.

Sorry, I despise charity bandits and I didn't mean to try to shame anyone, I was just highlighting the synchronicity. I paid a bit to wiki before and they just sent me an acknowledgement but never, ever came back asking for more. Proper fundraising.

SG said...

Judging from what is in my local municipal library, and the sort of thing that I suspect is in your own collection, I have a nasty feeling that your precious volumes would likely end up pulped or in land fill were you to donate them. Most of my very much more modest collections are academic works acquired during postgraduate studies. I've toyed with donating most of them to my old university library but I suspect a similar fate would await them so here they still sit. Wiki is, I think, a great example of a crowd funded public service rather than a charity and it is good that they eschew the 'chugging' methods employed by many so-called charities. With 'charities' I have reached the point where I feel as cynical about them as I do Globa-Gov and Globa-Corp. Together they seem to operate like some ghastly three headed hydra.

call me ishmael said...

I need to be more Zen about Stuff, of which I have a lot, not too much, I don't think, but more than most. No money but lots of stuff, tools and machines. The conundrum is: When do I know that I will never use them again and get rid of them? Must be something like Alzheimers sufferers feel about their lives.

mongoose said...

It may well be wild and woolly up there on your Orcadian shore, mr I, but the inconvenient truth is that there have only been about 1,500 of the last 11,000 - since the end of the ice age - when it has actually been colder. The fact that seven-hundred-and-fifty of them were the last seven-hundred-and-fifty is what confuses matters and allows our leaders to berate us so.

Interesting conversation stopper for the eco-curious... Fortunately or unfortunately, nature will do what nature will do, but I think we should all be mightily relieved that we are powerless before it.

[I cannot get blogger to accept this post, Mr I, and so apologies if it eventually turns up six times or more.]

SG said...

That is a very interesting chart Mr M and certainly gives pause for thought. However, I find it hard to believe that a human population of seven, soon to be nine or ten, billion with all its attendant agriculture, industry and many forms of pollution has no effect on nature. My concern about the man-made global warming issue, whether the hypothesis be right or wrong, is that it dominates the debate about the environment and obscures other harm being done to our planetary life support systems such as the eradication of tropical forests, pollution of the seas and mass extinction of species. The chart suggests that the planet can tolerate a quite a wide degree of average temperature variation and remain relatively benign for human life but temperature is only one indicator. Perhaps we are looking at the wrong thing? It is at this point that I always regret not gaining a better scientific education...