CRIME NEWS. GLOBAL NONCING CARTEL PROMISES NO CHANGE

FOR FUCKS SAKE LEAVE ME ALONE.

The head of a notorious crime family today vowed that as far as he was concerned it was business as usual for his vast network of organised child abusers, numbered in the tens of thousands. 



 The family, known as the Holy and Apostolic  Roman Catholic Church of the Engorged Cock, specialises in sexually abusing infants and children, terrorising their parents, blackmailing local authorities and operating a world wide web of safe houses, known ironically  as chuches, between which family members are shuttled to keep them from justice; senior members are known as monsignors, bishops and cardinals and are only promoted on the basis of them having been skilled not only in the dark arts of child buggery but in establishing ever more sophistcated, covert  networks of protection  and evasion of justice.  

There has never been so successful a crime family as the Roman Catholic Church and its current Capo di Tutti Capi, Frankie de los Fray Bentos, has today - as have all of his recent predecessors -announced that he is gonna pray his fat, smirking  arse off  for  the souls of his many  nonce-soldiers-in-Christ. Oh, and for the victims, too, for whom he has humbly and in a very real PR sense, taken responsibility.

He is announcing, he says, a full and far-reaching cover-up of his organisation's  centuries of child  abuse, and has even got one of the filthy victims on his team, so there, Dominus Vobiscum, as we say in the organised crime business.

The world's filthsters have reported this old bollocks as though it actually meant something,  Pope Frankie, after all, like all the filthy fucking simpering bastards, sells newspapers.  But here at the Daily Ishmael we have a few suggestions for the old monster:

Never mind an enquiry,  Frankie, everybody knows who these fuckers are.  First thing is sack the bastards immediately and strip them of all that crime family regalia, titles and robes and rings and  palaces and confiscate all the assets they have squirreled away.

Second thing is throw them out of the family - ex communicate the fuckers, on the spot.

Third thing is hand them over, together with all evidence, to local law enforcement.

Fourth thing is pay a half a million dollars to all victims. Go on Frankie, your HQ is stuffed to the rafters with cash, jewels and works of art, looted over many centuries, take it and give it to the poor, 'sonly what you're supposed to do, anyway, you disgusting old reprobate.

You could crucify some of them along the road to Saint Peter's you know the schtick, Via de la Nonce. Let them be at one with their Saviour, just for once.

And finally, you could do one good deed in your entire filthy life, you could turn yourself  in.
 
 

The PBC's coverage of this hogwash was deeply troubling, it was all about how tough this was for Frankie, how he had inherited it, as though he never knew the slightest thing about it until called by God to be il papa. As if.

 

Yes and nation shall speak shite unto nation .

His holiness very troubled about all this shit.

Praying a lot.

Our thoughts must be with him as he wrestles blah blah blah. And now back to you in the studio.