WOODLAND NUTTERS ARE RAMBLING IN THE LAST CHANCE SALOON,
WARNS LYING THATCHERITE SHITBAG.
DAVE MELLOR, DEEJAY AND FOOTBALL PUNDIT,
KNOWN UNAFFECTIONATELY IN MEDIAMINSTER,
AS MR SUPERCALLIFRAGALISTIC DREADFUL HALITOSIS,
EVEN JUST A WHIFF OF HIM IS SOMETHING QUITE ATROCIOUS
AND SO ON........
Toothy Tory slag, bullyboy and ponce, David Mellor, a not-very-eminent QC, famous for betraying his young mistress, his wife and - very publicly - his children, and for taking free holidays from Arabs whilst a minister, is to be made Woodlands impresario as part of the Coalition's plan to wreck everything which makes life in Britain vaguely tolerable.
Mr StinkyGob has succeeded the blessed and most holy lying bastard Jonafun Aitken as the Ayrabs' spokesman in London; it is not known whether, like Aitken, he organises spanking parties for his employers, but he certainly leaps to their defence against charges that shooting the citizen is wrong. Snarling on yesterday's Today programme, the horrible fucking bastard told Justin Webb-Tory and Sarah Montague-Tory that he would soon sort things out. The woods and copses and thickets and forests are safe in my hands and those of my employers, Messrs Ali Baba and his Forty Associates. I can guarantee you that in a very short space of time I will have sold the woods off to our very important allies in Bah!-rain, Kuwait, the Arab Emirates and any other mediaeval shithole which bungs me a few quid. No, let me finish, these head-chopping, wimmen-stoning mongrel bastards have instituted some very sound quasi-democratic institutions and if they need to teargas their citizens or run them over with tanks well, in my eminent judgement, they will have a very good reason for doing so and Mr Dave Cameron should think twice about lecturing the King of Bah!-rain. Let's face it, the King of Bah!-rain, doesn't do as many U-turns as Dave does, does he, not that he has to, being a proper tyrant and not just a pretend one, like Dave.
No, I give fair warning that soon the woods and copses and forests and thickets of Old England will ring to the sound of coked-up arab playboys exercising their princely rights and beating their servants to death, just as it should be in a proper country. Woodland sports, that's what I want to encourage, never mind all this walking-about, communing with nature and heritage, in my eminent judgement poor people - and that's most of you - shouldn't be allowed anywhere near the great copses and woods and forests and thickets of this great company. Unless it's to pass their Highnesses the SheepsEyeball sandwiches, chop-up the cocaine, just so, and bury the bodies.
Honorary Sheik Dave bin ToeSuckFilthyBastard Mellor.