ADAMS SWEEPS BOARD, BEST KILLER, BEST TORTURER,
BEST SUPPORTING BOMBER.
Famous for his roles as torturer, arsonist, child killer, bomber and mass murderer, Gerry gave a moving speech on receiving his award from the people of Louth.
It's all about the little people, so it is, and I wouldn't be here without them, so I wouldn't, grinned the man who starred in the deaths of three thousand people and the maimings of tens of thousands. There's just so many of them, so there is, there's them wee lads in Warrington, and all them people in the Birmingham pubs, aye, and there's that wee woman I buried alive, not far from here, and your man, Captain Nairac, I starred opposite him in Torture of an Officer, directed by my good friend, Marty Kneecaps, he really brings out the best in me, Marty, you shoulda heard yon bastard scream, as we sliced him to pieces; it was a great piece of performance art, even though it was real, so it was. I am just so grateful, so I am, to the people of Ireland for finally recognising the work I have been doing all these years and I promise to dedicate myself to keeping my noncing brother safe from prosecution by giving him a starring role in the ongoing marvel that is Sinn Fein, and where nobody can touch him. A final word of appreciation to our dear friend and fellow Man of God, the right reverend Tony Blair of Libya, without whom this great award wouldn't have been possible, so it wouldn't. And I would have been in jail where I belong, so I do.
In London, the pretend Chancellor, Mr George Osblow, said that Mr Adams' honour was all the more reason that money stolen from Bristish taxpayers should be funnelled to financial terrorists, aka the Irish Banks. Ireand is a great friend of ours, having bombed us unfailingly for nearly forty years and supported Mr O'Hitler in the last war; we must, therefore, support their bankers just as staunchly as we support our own; eight billion pounds, after all, in the scheme of things, is fuck all.