Sgt Ross Wimp, I mean Kemp, 2nd battalion,
Queen's Own NancyBoys Regt, (The Gay EastEnders)
Sergeant Ross, a recovering spousal abuse victim, led a daring attack on the costume department of skymadeupnewsandfilth, resulting in him being able to nancy-about on camera like a proper he-man, which he isn't, fuck no, not by a long way. 'Swot ya do, innit, if yer from the EastEnd, like my character is, apples an' pears, apples an' pears. They wuz like family, them geezers out there, in the oil camps, woddever, end-of, 'ang abaht, whachoolookinat, and so we hadda geddem out, like, geddit saw-tid. Nah, dunmenchunit, all in a day's work, fer a NancyBoy soldier.
That bizness, wiv Rebekka, my ex, right slag she was an' no mistake, knocked seven kindsa TomTit outa me, she did, busted me 'Ampsteads right up, mince pies was black an blue for weeks after an' fuck me, me 'Enry 'Alls was aching like a bastard. I tell ya, I was off down the ole Frog an Toad right sharpish, back into the regiment, where a man can be 'isself, dress-up like an 'ero and 'ang about wiv 'is mates, playin' soldiers.
Next week Ross stars in another gritty cockumentary, in which he goes head to cock, I mean head, with some of America's toughest gangsters/prisoners/cops/female impersonators. And watch out for Ross's starring role in Take It Like A Man, The Raoul Moat Story, coming soon to a skymadeupnewsandfilth channel near you.
if you are a gay man with muscles and a shiny, bald head and have been affected by any of the issues in this piece, contact www.gedditsawtid.com and talk to other, like-minded closet fairies.