Tuesday, 20 July 2010



What a life this bloke has, eh? Airhead, bimbo former wife being a nuisance and Fuck me gently, as if by magic, a drunken driver solves the problem, Jesus, if only all those plagued by exes were so fortunate.  And the money, the seventeen mill she had hustled off Mummy Brenda, just - via "those outstanding, exemplary, young men" ( J. Major, aged 52 ) - hoovered back into the family fortunes. And no more talk of wog babies or coke-snorting with playboys. How fortunate. And the old boot, he and Horseface finally managed to tie the knot, after all those years of rutting adultery, all the courtiers  politely looking the other way. And the whole thing stage managed to win the happy couple the love of the people. Even though they are a revolting, idle pair of slags,  the Duke and Duchess of Cornwall.

But doesn't he work hard, riding around in the Royal Train and cutting ribbons. Sometimes, he only gets six weeks at his favourite ski-ing resort,  just the kind of man we need in CallHimDave's Big Society.

Anyway, here he is in his medals, doing what he does best, fuck all.  They dug up some WW1 remains, some fucked-up  episode of Brigadier-General Rupert Golightly-Jockstrap-inspired slaughter and were busy giving the lads, mostly ANZACS, mostly teenagers, one of those belated wotsanames, burial with full military honours, nearly a hundred years after they were butchered and so they sent for this useless prick, so's he could be appalled or humbled or inspired or whichever fretful adjective he chooses to distinguish his worthless presence, lets send for Brian, he can do that appalled shit like no-one else, yes, let him bring the old baggage, too, if he wants, so's the relatives can see what their lads died for, King and Country. And Doxy.  Couldn't make it up..

Tomorrow in the Filth-O-Graph.

David Cameron on why we simply must scrap state education, the NHS  and the old-age pension but we must retain a huge, cardboard, cut-out Ruritanian monarchy with princes and dukes in uniforms, on horses  and covered in medals for fuck all.

PLUS: Dave and Brenda, How They Are Related.


mongoose said...

The PoW is just a complete waste of oxygen, I am afraid. Poor prat even thinks that he's clever. Daft bastard was on the telly the other day accusing some folk of dabbling in pseudoscience. The talking head Prof was struck completely speechless. I thought the TV was broken. He just sat there his mouth flapping like a goldfish. Fuck off back to your polo ponies.

scrummpy said...

One of Brians outstanding merits is that he can always make a suit look ill-fitting, no matter what the occasion.

Anonymous said...

Well, the useless cunt did manage to sire ONE sprog on Diana.
The ginger one is surely from the loins of someone else.
("Hold my horses head", said the horse trainer, "while I slip this blonde slag, Diana, a piece of pork sword."

Verge said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Verge said...

If Charles the Third
Saves the world
I'll grow a dick
Twelve inches thick.

Anonymous said...

He also represents the over privileged class that sent the poor sods to their death. My contempt for that man is immeasurable.

call me ishmael said...

Just as big, mine, mr anonymous, as measureable, as that big new Sun, that everybody's staring at.

It is ever salutary, I feel, for the young people to be reminded that so many of the Crowned Heads of State, in 1914, were related, each to the other, in the blood and shit and guts of their slaughtered subjects, spilt for fuck all. What IS Brian's real name? Is it Coburg, is it Saxe Gothe, is it Battenberg? Do the young people know that the House of Windsor is a propaganda construct, as real as Thomas the Tank Engine, swiftly invented to divert attention from the fact that the King part of the King and Country which Tommy was dying for was a backward stuttering, inbred German, as Hunnish as his cousin, the Kaiser, just like the Prince of fucking Wales.