THINGS YOU RARELY SEE. THE COMPASSIONATE TORY BOVVER BOY.

ELEVEN MONTHS OF HELL.

David Davis, C4 News.

 Well, quite, Kathy, and speaking as a working clarse Tory, myself, did I ever tell you that I was born to a single mother living on a council estate? - I must say that the acquittal of this black chap, Jacobs, was it, the one who never actually hacked to death that PC chap, no, no, got nothing against darkies, me, was an absolute wotsaname for the Crown Prosecution Service.  I mean they charged him, brought him to trial and then he was acquitted, I mean, as I didn't and never would say at the time, that's simply unacceptable in this day and age.  What? It happens every day of the week, well fuck me gently, I never knew that, not even when I was shadow home wotsaname, you mean perfectly innocent people are charged, tried, often kept in prison for months or even years, only to be acquitted by a jury?  Well, I never.  But lessbequiteclear,  you must admit it's far worse when it happens to one of us, an actual lawmaker, and quite frankly, something really must be done.  I mean, just because Nigel's the house's favourite arsebandit, just because he's a drunken cock-waving, sexual bully doesn't mean he should be subjected to this sort of thing, being tried.  In court.  Wossat, he had bum sex with a man thirty-three years his junior, junior to him, also, professionally speaking?  No, ha-ha, no, you won't catch me with that, a-ha-ha, no, he never broke any laws with all these young men, a-ha-ha-ha. Like President Spunky Bill and that Lewinsky kid?  Yes, a-ha-ha, yes I expect so, but all legal and above board, ha-ha-ha. Cunt.

This is from the blog Straight Statistics. Info  provided by then minister of state Angela Eagle, MP.

 
 
  This shows an average of more than 12,000 ultimately innocent defendants are locked up on remand every year. The data does not show how long they spend on remand, nor the number subsequently found guilty but given a non-custodial sentence (because Mr Pelling did not ask for these figures). Clive Fairweather CBE, former Chief Inspector of Prisons in Scotland, was right to have entitled his report on remand prisoners at the end of the last century Punishment First, Verdict Later.

The vile Evans didn't,  as far as I know, spend a moment on remand.  The vile Davis, as a former shadow home sec. will be fully familiar with and entirely sanguine about these figures.  Yet one of their own gets his collar felt and Fuck me Jesus, the entire justice system needs over hauling.  I'da chopped his cock off, Evans, fucking young men under his effective  parliamentary control.

The same C4 News bulletin, pursued Davis's smug lies with a report on the extent of sexual harassment in MediaMinster,  they can always manage to make your hair stand on end, these cocksuckers.  Gunpowder, a la Fawkes, is too good for them.

MUMMY'SBOY GANGSTER DEMANDS MONEY.

SIR MARK THATCHER OUTSIDE COURT IN SOUTH AFRICA.
GIMME MONEY, THAT'S WHAT I WANT.

 The distinguished entrepreneur - or infamous racketeer, shithead and failed coupster - Sir Mark Mumsy has expressed his disappointment that a film has been made about his criminal family without him having been paid any money.  I have friends who can be very persuasive, said Sir Mumsy, referring to former Field Marshal Sir Simon Mann Golightly-Jockstrap, thicko mercenary, author  and  ex-con, who was Mumsy's co-accused in their abortive attempt to take over an African banana republic and  who did the time in a jungle jailhouse whilst Boy Wonder Mark, pimping, as ever, on his mother's name, got off with a bollocking.

The disgraced hereditary viscount, also famous for milking his mother's contacts with the headchopping elite of Oman, has his arse in his hands over the current portrayal of his mother by ageing Hollywood strumpet, Mrs Meryl Teeth, below.

Meryl Teeth stars in Thatcher vs Thatcher,

a study in greed and dementia.

My mother not only served the country with distinction but was also on the board of many other  distinguished  criminal families, such as that of Lord Conrad Black-Embezzler, the famous newspaper-owning-and-robbing convict and that of General Sir Jorge Pinochet, the acclaimed human rights activist and exterminator sans pareil.  My mother unfailingly signed-off Lord Black's accounts, whether they were accurate or not, which they never once were,  that's how great a lady she was. And she did all of this for a mere few hundred thousand pounds of shareholders' money.

If Ms Teeth doesn't do the decent thing  and pay me my cut I can arrange for Mr Mann to go around to her gaff and bore the arse off her with tales of his jungular derring-do. Or maybe my sister, wotsername.

A spokesperson for Meryl Teeth said, Meryl has wrung herself out, gone right to the very edge, in this performance which she feels captures the true essence of Baroness Williams.  It takes a great deal of courage to go where great actresses go ( up producers' arses? ed.) and she is now recharging her batteries and considering other scripts suitable for a young actress of her age ( 67.)

Lord Bell-End.

Sir Tim Bell-End, Thatcherite PR guru said that to trade on the Thatcher legend was despicable. 
These people are just making money  for the sake of it. ( honest, not invent.)


Lord Norman Tebbit, of the Filth-O-Graph and late of Al-Fayed Enterprises,
although he didn't know about the freebies until he was found out and then he stopped  taking them, like a good Tory.

Well, far be it from me to mention to the prime minister that I won three general elections whilst he hasn't won any.  Far be it from me, a former pilot and working journalist ( rabble-rousing fuckpig? ed) to tell this effete public schoolboy what to do.  I mean whaddooIknow, I only won three elections.  Margaret Thatcher. Yes, a great lady, she helped me win three elections. And now here I am, writing tosh for expatriot redneck wankers.  Well said, Lord Norman, they say, couldn't have put it better myself.  And they're right,   they couldn't.