Twas brillig and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe: All mimsy were the borogoves and the mome wraths outgrabe.
Everything's rather gloomy and irritating just at present and it's hard to be excited about anything, even the last croaking writhings of the Conservative Party as they face the reality of losing their jobs en masse when Tiny Sunak gives in and calls an election. The only Tory MP willing to go in front of the cameras to spin the drubbing that the Tories got in the Kingswood and Wellingborough by-elections looked like a rabbit transfixed by headlights or a chap in need of some chemical assistance. Illegal immigration minister Michael Tomlinson, K.C., Member of Parliament for Mid Dorset and North Poole and Minister of State for Countering Illegal Migration, was sent out to do battle on the politics programmes this morning. I've not come across this complete and utter nonentity before - he looks as if he has been carefully moulded from plastic and he speaks in polished perorations, won't admit to anything and says everything is for the best in the best of all possible worlds.
He told Laura Kuenssberg that the elections had taken place against a “very difficult backdrop. Governments don’t traditionally win by-elections. It’s very clear that a vote for reform is a vote to let Labour in. That is a very clear message I have taken away.”
Laura told him that, au contraire, that was a load of bollocks: “the clear message” she said was “that voters don’t like the prime minister."
He was equally amusing when discussing his failure to stop the boats - one of Sunak's infamous five pledges. Here they are again:
- Halve inflation this year to ease the cost of living
- Grow the economy, creating better-paid jobs and opportunity across the country
- Ensure national debt is falling
- NHS waiting lists will fall and people will get the care they need more quickly
- Stop asylum seekers crossing the Channel on small boats.
Just wanted to give you a cheap laugh.
Laura put to him a few facts: the total number of illegal arrivals since Sunak took office is 38,668 - over a third of the 115,927 who have crossed the Channel since January 2018. 52 successfully crossed on Friday, bringing the 2024 total to 1,605, almost 19% more than had crossed by this point in 2022. To which Michael stuck to the party line: I'm doing my best and the numbers are going down. Laura made a point of saying she wouldn't make a bet with him whether he'll get any illegal immigrants on a flight to Rwanda before the election.
Here's Michael talking seriously to Plod about "ensuring that only that (sic) entitled to work here are doing so. The Government are (sic) determined to break the business model of the people smugglers, but rogue employers and landlords threaten to undermine our efforts by encouraging illegal migration. Michael went to see for himself the work being done by law enforcement, to stop rogue employers from employing people illegally." Tomlinson's Website
His website also invites you to Volunteer with Michael (Honest, not Invent). It says: "Michael has a Parliamentary team to help him with casework, but much of the work done with an MP is done by volunteers. If you'd like to get involved please complete the form below. Even if the options below don't sound like anything you would be interested in, we need help doing all kinds of things so please get in touch! You'll always get a warm welcome - and even the odd cup of tea or coffee!"
There's an on-line form to complete, so don't hesitate if you'd like to help out Michael with his important work. Who knows, you might get to escort small boat illegals to Rwanda For Fuck's Sake and even get a cup of tea.
I'm still distressed by the death of Navalny, and so, it seems, is Baron Cameron of Chipping Norton, PC. Speaking as he attended the Munich Security Conference on Friday, Lord Cameron said: “We should hold Putin accountable for this, and no-one should be in any doubt about the dreadful nature of Putin’s regime in Russia after what has just happened.” He said there will be consequences for Putin.
They are all at it - Sunak, Tugendhat, Yousaf, Davey, Starmer, it is clearly the thing to do, to speak rashly and intemperately and demand more sanctions. Since the last lot of sanctions were imposed, Russia's economy has grown, which is a damn sight more than ours has done. They won't be happy until the proxy war has been replaced by open warfare. Back to Baron Cameron, and mr ishmael's take on his abilities as a war leader:
The War*lord of Chipping Sodom - 4/12/2015
* insert current war
Well, I would just say to this house that as your prime minister and commander-in-chief it is my foremost duty to start wars, wherever and whenever and upon whomever ...is it whomever, whose ever? upon whoandwhomsoever I can. And thus invite retaliation, here, at home. Not exactly here, in the Palace of Westminster, sewn-up tighter'n nun's knickers, this place, but generally, among people who travel on the buses, and walk down the streets.
Wosssat? Win them? Win the wars? Good God, no, we don't win them. Didn't win in Egypt, did we; didn't win in Malaya, certainly didn't win in Northern Ireland; Iraq, didn't win there. Afghanistan, we never, ever win there.
Libya? What's to win?
And actually, d'you know what, none of these are actually our wars....whose are they? Fucked if I know. Israel's, America's ? We just tag along, so's not to be left out. But as the great Shakespeare said, They also serve, who only stand and lose. And that's what we do so well, lose. Lost in Ulster, lost in Iraq, lost magnificently in Afghanistan. And do you know what, when I visit our servicemen and women abroad, that's what I say to them: We can rely on you chaps to lose for us, and since that's what's gonna happen, there's no point in the Chancellor spending good money on supplying you with proper gear, y'know, boots, that sort of thing, the right toothpaste, carrier air support, we needed that money for the bankers' bonuses. I mean, lessbeclear, if it wasn't for the army you'd probly all be in Mrs May's young offender institutions.
As it is, keep your nose clean, lose your legs, and you might get to shake hands with Prince Harry Hooligan. Just the once, he's a busy man.
And Syria, no, we haven't a snowball's chance in Hell.
Not against hundreds of Russian Migs or whatever they are and hundreds of Uncle Sam's stealth fighters and attack helicopters and what have you. No, no, they won't actually be shooting at our Spitfires and Hurricanes, not as such, but there's always Friendly Fire, at which Uncle Sam is most proficient. And Mr Putin does seem to have his arse in his hands, just because a few hundred of his citizens were blown out of the sky. That's the thing, with the Russians. I mean, the French, they lost far fewer citizens than were in the Russian aircraft and they're hardly making any fuss at all, are they? Apart from demanding that everybody join them in World War Three, which we are happy to do. Let me inform the house, it beats the arse, this WarLording, off negotiating a new Euro-treaty. Not that we will, because we can't, but a good world war'll take people's minds off that, I should think.
But at the end of the day, as we used to say at Eton, it doesn't matter how you play the game as long as somebody else loses and the right people make a fortune.
Libya? What's to win?
And actually, d'you know what, none of these are actually our wars....whose are they? Fucked if I know. Israel's, America's ? We just tag along, so's not to be left out. But as the great Shakespeare said, They also serve, who only stand and lose. And that's what we do so well, lose. Lost in Ulster, lost in Iraq, lost magnificently in Afghanistan. And do you know what, when I visit our servicemen and women abroad, that's what I say to them: We can rely on you chaps to lose for us, and since that's what's gonna happen, there's no point in the Chancellor spending good money on supplying you with proper gear, y'know, boots, that sort of thing, the right toothpaste, carrier air support, we needed that money for the bankers' bonuses. I mean, lessbeclear, if it wasn't for the army you'd probly all be in Mrs May's young offender institutions.
As it is, keep your nose clean, lose your legs, and you might get to shake hands with Prince Harry Hooligan. Just the once, he's a busy man.
And Syria, no, we haven't a snowball's chance in Hell.
Not against hundreds of Russian Migs or whatever they are and hundreds of Uncle Sam's stealth fighters and attack helicopters and what have you. No, no, they won't actually be shooting at our Spitfires and Hurricanes, not as such, but there's always Friendly Fire, at which Uncle Sam is most proficient. And Mr Putin does seem to have his arse in his hands, just because a few hundred of his citizens were blown out of the sky. That's the thing, with the Russians. I mean, the French, they lost far fewer citizens than were in the Russian aircraft and they're hardly making any fuss at all, are they? Apart from demanding that everybody join them in World War Three, which we are happy to do. Let me inform the house, it beats the arse, this WarLording, off negotiating a new Euro-treaty. Not that we will, because we can't, but a good world war'll take people's minds off that, I should think.
But at the end of the day, as we used to say at Eton, it doesn't matter how you play the game as long as somebody else loses and the right people make a fortune.
(cheers, Tory benches and some Labour benches erupt in song, Give us Money, that's, whatwewant, that's whatwewant, that's what we wa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-nt, yeah, that's what we want .)
I mean, I simply say, Mr Tiny Speaker, in response to my honourable friends, that all of us in this house have had to make do with a miserly eleven per cent pay rise, whilst those whom we were quite proply elected to rule over are clamouring for what they call a living fucking wage, if you please. I hesitate to call that Treachery in Time of War but I shall, in a week or two. Older members may recall a previous prime minister, the Earl of Haliburton, who has been such an inspiration to us all, when he helped invade Iraq, he lost no time in calling the striking firefighters the Enemy Within.
Strikers? Yes. Time of War, we can shoot them.
Doctors? Any bastard.
Strikers? Yes. Time of War, we can shoot them.
Doctors? Any bastard.
But yes, whether you win or lose doesn't matter because for a certain type of person it is simply impossible to lose.
I'm the cunt in charge of the Conservatives.
Well, me and Mr Murdoch, and my dear neighbour in Chipping Sodom, Mrs Rebeka Witch. No, no, 'snot as if they want a war at the Sun, but it does always sell a few more copies. Yes, that's right, the good people of Royal Wootton Gruesome, them, too.
Well, me and Mr Murdoch, and my dear neighbour in Chipping Sodom, Mrs Rebeka Witch. No, no, 'snot as if they want a war at the Sun, but it does always sell a few more copies. Yes, that's right, the good people of Royal Wootton Gruesome, them, too.
But as to winning wars, things have moved on a bit, since the days of my namesake, Sir Winston Simple, and the point of wars, now, is that you don't win them. I mean, take the War on Drugs. We've been fighting that one since Mrs President Reagan's astrologers invented it, having seen Jupiter aligned with Mars or something,
And that, Mr Tiny Speaker, Mrs Reagan's War on Drugs, is what you call a hugely successful failure of a war. Costs the fucking Earth and makes things worse. And yes, I assure the house, we can and indeed are doing just the same thing with Terror, and in my view quite proply. Spending a fucking fortune and making things much worse.
But joking aside this is a serious matter, the one facing our nation. We face a truly great peril. Yes, worse than what the Nazis were, or would have been, if America had not won the Battle of Britain for us. And I do think that ISIL can help me beat the right honourable terrorist opposite, Sheikh bin Jeremy Corbyn, who, lessfaceit, is a Marxist traitor and the biggest threat ever faced by this great nation of England. What? What about Scotland? I shouldn't worry about Scotland if I were you. I don't.
Now, I am a great believer in my enemy's enemy being, what is it? My enemy, too? No? Right. Of course, in my friend being my enemy. Yes, like Mr Clegg, whom I have never met. Yes, Mr Coulson too, he was my true friend and enemy. And I have never met him, either.
But no, the enemy are not overseas. I mean is not are overseas. He are at home, here, among us. And I can see how, proply handled, the gentlemen in ISIS could help us in our gravest battle, which is to beat the Labour party. No, it's quite true, Mr Corbyn is a terrorist. He has a beard, he doesn't take bribes, his expenses are a joke, hardly anything in fact, and he eats lentils, as I said. Why would a member of this house, or indeed, the other place, who can eat whatever he wants, at no cost to anyone, apart from the taxpayers, why would anyone eat lentils instead of oysters, chateaubriand, asparagus and a decent Mouton Cadet Rothschild,
followed by a line or two snorted off the arse of some pretty young researcher, yes, of any gender?
I mean, it's what people come into politics for.
I say to the house that this cowardly, underhanded Marxist vegetarianism simply beggars belief. I mean, what're animals for, if not for serving at the best tables? And that Comrade Corbyn is, therefore, a very real threat to national security. Now, you ask for reliable intelligence, well, in my view it doesn't come any more reliable than that. By his own admission, Jeremy Corbyn is a lentil-eating, bomb-throwing menace, a threat to the way of life of all six hundred of us, here. And what we really must do is encourage our many friends in the Labour party to destabilise him.
I mean, it's what people come into politics for.
I say to the house that this cowardly, underhanded Marxist vegetarianism simply beggars belief. I mean, what're animals for, if not for serving at the best tables? And that Comrade Corbyn is, therefore, a very real threat to national security. Now, you ask for reliable intelligence, well, in my view it doesn't come any more reliable than that. By his own admission, Jeremy Corbyn is a lentil-eating, bomb-throwing menace, a threat to the way of life of all six hundred of us, here. And what we really must do is encourage our many friends in the Labour party to destabilise him.
So, by declaring war on ISIS, and causing division between him and the many jolly decent Tories in his party, say, the members for....well, most of them, actually, we will succeed in defeating the terrorist sympathisers, all six hundred thousand of them, outside, who have cynically joined this once-great party of ours in the hope of making it a voice for ordinary, working, that is to say terrorist people.
I can honestly stand before this house and promise that a vote for bombing wog babies guarantees that terrorism won't win in the Oldham election, I personally guarantee it.
(cheers, applause, shouts of: time for some bubbly)
We shall join a war with no end, just because it is the right thing to do, for the Conservative party, to which we all belong, against whoever we say is the enemy at the time. In this case, Mr Corbyn, opposite. A war which we shall never win. Why not? Well, because it's just fucking stupid, that's why not. Nobody can beat these fucking lunatics. Even thick people know that, like me and the govament.
I can honestly stand before this house and promise that a vote for bombing wog babies guarantees that terrorism won't win in the Oldham election, I personally guarantee it.
We shall join a war with no end, just because it is the right thing to do, for the Conservative party, to which we all belong, against whoever we say is the enemy at the time. In this case, Mr Corbyn, opposite. A war which we shall never win. Why not? Well, because it's just fucking stupid, that's why not. Nobody can beat these fucking lunatics. Even thick people know that, like me and the govament.
I commend myself to the house and I rest my face, I mean case.
........................................................................................
More sardonic wit, political satire and biting cynicism from mr ishmael can be found in the four-volume Call Me Ishmael oeuvre, collected and curated by editor mr verge.
Honest Not Invent, Vent Stack, Ishmael’s Blues, and the latest, Flush Test (with a nice picture of the late, much lamented, Mr Harris of Lanarkshire taking a piss on a totem pole) are available from Lulu and Amazon. If you buy from Amazon, it would be nice if you could give a review on their website.
Ishmaelites wishing to buy a copy from lulu should follow these steps :
please register an account first, at lulu.com. This is advisable because otherwise paypal seems to think it's ok to charge in dollars, and they then apply their own conversion rate, which might put the price up slightly for a UK buyer. Once the new account is set up, follow one of the links below (to either paperback or hardback) or type "Ishmael’s Blues" into the Lulu Bookstore search box. Click on the “show explicit content” tab, give the age verification box a date of birth such as 1 January 1960, and proceed.
Link for Hardcover : https://tinyurl.com/je7nddfr
Link for Paperback : https://tinyurl.com/3jurrzux
https://www.lulu.com/shop/ishmael-smith/flush-test/paperback/product-9yjvn7.html?q=Flush+Test&page=1&pageSize=4
At checkout, try WELCOME15 in the coupon box, which (for the moment) takes 15% off the price before postage. If this code has expired by the time you reach this point, try a google search for "Lulu.com voucher code" and see what comes up.
With the 15% voucher, PB (including delivery to a UK address) should be £16.84; HB £27.04.
16 comments:
Mrs I: Re Navalny.
Here is a link of a discussion between Judge Nap and Ray McGovern (a highly credible former intelligence officer).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8t6mkx-QcDk
The first part deals with Navalny, then they move on to disgraceful events this week in the UK.
The truth surely is only this lesson. If you sup with the Devil, use a long spoon.
I have seen the restaurant tape of the Navalny aide and the MI6 chap. Who knows what is true and what is not? The second truth is that wherever you live, the state is not your friend. Examples:
1) Jan 6 insurrection people. The only insurrection in the history of the world in which no weapons were used has resulted in dozens of protesters now residing in FedMax prisons.
2) Brexit: Every single arm of the deep state swung against it. Johnson using his populist schtick brought home a from of it that was likely the best that could be delivered in the teeth of the gale. Two coups d'etat later and folk lecture me in the street about the threat to democracy offered by
3) Orange Man Bad: Just the half billion in cash required to mount an appeal against a judicial lynching so despicable - and Trump is a pig btw! - that it was announced before, fucking before, the trial fucking started.
If you think anybody that you are free from the fuckers, I fear that you have your eyes closed.
It is no longer left v right. It is honour and freedom v tyranny.
Thanks, mr mike, for finding the conversation between Judge Napolitano and the former CIA man. I hadn't realised that Julian Assange's last appeal against extradition to the US is to be heard today. For readers who haven't been keeping up with the Assange story, his Wikipedia page will tell you everything you need to know about the US intelligence reach, and their desire for vengeance. It was difficult to hear the Judge describe Britain as a vassal state of the US, just following orders. I wonder if Starmer will be able to exercise more independence, or if, on the night he walks into Downing Street, he will receive a mysterious visitor, who will tell him how it all really is?
As for the controversy about Navalny's death, I really have no idea - using Occam's razor (the problem-solving principle that recommends searching for explanations constructed with the smallest possible set of elements), the suggestion that the US had Navalny killed because he was a US asset is overly complicated. Surely it would have been more sensible to keep him alive until the inevitable day of Putin's death, then support him for presidential candidate? Equally, why would Putin have him killed, knowing how that would play into the hands of his enemies, when all he had to do was to keep Navalny tucked away in his Arctic prison? Maybe it was an over-enthusiastic lieutenant, erroneously taking on the responsibility: who will rid me of this troublesome priest? Or Navalny's own supporters, wanting a martyr for the cause? Maybe it was prison officers administering punishment beatings that went too far? Or even natural causes?
Navalny, just another died suddenly, double vaxxed n triple boosted, gotta keep the other prisoners safe, from the coof, innit.
Exactly, mr mongoose, freedom v tyranny. BTW has everyone watched Tuckers interview with Mike Benz, the inversion of democracy, if this doesn’t wake a few peeps up nothing will.
It appears that a very few minutes after the time of death, a statement was issued and a few minutes after that it was reported on the rooskie TV. So either somebody somewhere was very on the ball or a scheduled event has taken place. We should nt be surprised. Human life is worth nowt in Russia.
In other news, Parliament is goingt o bend the knee to the so-called WHO treaty. A more unnecessary and belittling piece of glabalist pap has never crossed my attention before. They're not even hiding it any more.
In other news2, the Governor of NY has said "No, of course, these new draconian means of prosecutions don't affect any one else but Orange Man Bad. Business as usual for everybody else."
In other news17, the HoC has exploded while tryinf to have an irrelevant argument in a telephone box. "We, Mr Speaker, the elected majesty of the greatest country in the world - well a couple of hundred years ago for a fortnight maybe - hereby decree that the warlike wogs and kikes of err, somewhere beyond Crete henceforth cease and desist their beastly antics forthwith on pain of we stamping our collective wee foot, so we do."
Ridiculous. Irrelevant, Vain, posturing sick in a bucket. Apparently, good Labour members of this hnourable house couldn't safely go home without their Peaceful constituents a-rising up and slaughtering them. See above! Go to Maccies with the Devil if you must but use a long spoon.
mrs i, apparently a mediaeval slab of boat has been washed up on your Orcadian shore. Go and see. It looks like a deck panel of some sort to me.
yes indeed, mrs ishmael, the russian authorities should have taken far better care of an incarcerated opposition-leader - even if he was considered a western intelligence-asset during a time of war...
however, regardless of whether alexei navalny's sudden death was precipitated by brutal prison-environment, recreational drugs, 'covid'-vaccination, or cia-assisted suicide-plot, our criticism-crushing western governments - and their propaganda-heavy poodle-press - are riding a very high horse when they condemn putin and his patriotic punchers for committing political repression, especially given that our own anti-establishment agitator, julian ass-banged, is currently on remand in hmp belmarsh, london - suffering from extremely poor health, and ready to do-himself-in.
of course, there is always the possibility that navalny's opportune demise could be setting the stage for a mirror-event here in the west...
therefore, having noted the belated interest in assange's cia-ordained detention - now shown by the cia-controlled australian government, by our cia-manipulated mediastrom of neo-liberally-nobbled 'journalists', and even by those new labour nazi-nepotists who take cia-sourced dictation for the neo-imperialist guardian - i can honestly wager that we'll soon hear the king's own trumpeters warming-up their horns to blast out a fanfare for the common propaganda-coup, which - just as the wasted wikileaks-founder is inhumanely booted-out of the backdoor at belmarsh - shall herald a cracking new dawn for western demockracy - and its war-ravaged rainbow of reckless neo-colonial values.
fucking hell, i sure hope st jules will see the funny side of it all...
Ah, yes, mr mongoose,very amusing stramash in the House - the SNP are absolutely frothing at the mouth, given that Mr Northern Speaker didn't allow them a vote on their own amendment. The BBC are reporting that Keir Starmer whispered in Hoyle's ear that he would sack him when he becomes the Master of 10 Downing Street unless he allowed Labour's amendment, Stephen Flynn was stammering with rage and Tory and SNP members marched out , just as if they were Stormonters. Don't you just love the smell of Democracy in the morning?
The Orkney boat washed up on Sanday has been all over Radio Orkney. A local worthy who inspected the boat said that the early houses on Sanday all had bits of shipwrecked boats incorporated in their frames - lintels and roof beams - and all beautifully pegged together. We've had some astonishing storms this winter and it seems that this boat was snuggly buried under the sea bed until this winter - the seas shall give up their dead.
Everything that mr ultrapox said.
yep, it's not rocket-science, is it, mrs ishmael...?
although lord knows the uk could do with some actual rocket-scientists...ha...ha...
because it now transpires that, instead of a state-of-the-art nuclear deterrent, the yanks have flogged us a very fucking expensive firework.
Mr mongoose: at the risk of overstaying my welcome and annoying our esteemed host, here are 2 clips from respected and knowledgeable people that discuss the established facts. Its irrelevant what you feel about Putin and Russia to understand what Navalny was.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0uRXkw3_0BE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B9MxNJzl-1o
mrs ishmael, please could you delete the comment which i entered here on:
22nd february 2024 at 10:24hrs
& also the comment which i entered here on:
22nd february 2024 at 15:24hrs
thanks
ps:
i'm not sure whether you deleted the comment which i left on the joan armatrading thread, or whether it went to spam.
please see my note to you here.
thanks again
Thanks for those links, mr mike.
Mr Navalny was a man who knowingly put himself at high risk and he has now paid the price. That's a brave thing to do even if it doesn't rise to the level of noble.
BTW, children, if you are going to post your thoughts in video form on the internet and have but three sentences of grist to transmit, say them. "I am going to tell you in the next half-hour: X, Y and Z. Let's begin." (No criticism of you intended, mr mike. WHy cannot these buggers just type it out?)
on second thoughts, mrs ishmael, would you please just delete the comments which i entered on:
22nd february 2024 at 20:30hrs
and
22nd february 2024 at 20:32hrs
thank you
sorry, but i'm unfortunately getting some very confusing messages on the grapevine about getting the sack due to my ill health.
I'm sorry to hear about both your ill health and your employment situation, mr ultrapox. I would advise you to join a trade union, if you are not a member already, and to have a look at the Employment Tribunal website to familiarise yourself with your employment rights and also the timescales for lodging a complaint with the Tribunal.
I've deleted the comments that you requested - I hope I targetted the right ones,
Kind Regards and best of luck.
thanks mrs ishmael: keep up the good work
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