Thursday 20 April 2023

There's Klingons on the Starboard Bow


Avid Ishmaelians will remember how we broke the Phantasm Flying Fucking Fishing Boat of Doom story on the 21st and the 28th October 2022. Since then, one of the two communication cables linking Orkney to mainland Scotland has been sliced, causation not revealed.  A number of main stream media news stories, up to, including, and as many as precisely none, followed. Until, that is, today. Our Jolly Pink Giant MP, funboy Alistair Carmichael 
was interviewed on Radio Orkney this morning, informing us that the Admiral Vladimirsky, one of a fleet of Russian Ghost ships, so-called because they have their location trackers switched off whilst conducting surveillance operations on our windfarms and communication cables, has been up to no good in our waters. The Beeb and the Telegraph are now all over it - a bit late, since the story relates to events last November. 

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Anyway, now that it is officially acknowledged that we have Klingons off the starboard bow,  this bit of nonsense seems appropriate - well, it makes as much sense as anything else:


mongoose said...

Apparently the Klingons are modelling how to interfere with and generally just destroy all the lovely offshore pipes and cables and windmills upon which our clever masters have decided that we should rely. It would take the innocence of a child not to have seen this coming. Just how stupid are these people?

Mike said...

In breaking news: thousands of Russians have been hospitalised with hernias caused by uncontrollable laughing.

mongoose said...

mr mike, WWII ordnance - 1000-pounders exploding Z feet above the surface will level these multi-million-quid windmill farms for ten bob a go. It's grotesquely stupid.

Of course, in the quiet of the night, such a prospect should steer intelligent folk back towards a rational energy strategy.

mongoose said...

In fact, I have a better idea. We could build a warplane - perhaps a wooden or aluminium one covered in cloth and firing modest cannon shells. A Spitfire or a Mosquito, maybe. Shoot ye reasonably randomly at the rotating parts and the buggers will shake themselves to death for you. Cost? Almost nothing!

Mike said...

Its in Russia's best interests to protect, rather than sabotage, the offshore windmills. This will guarantee that the UK, and Europe in general, do have not have the energy to challenge Russia, and will be forever dependent on Russian energy purchased expensively through third parties. Self-inflicted wounds are now everyday events.

mongoose said...

That's a very long term view, mr mike, that had not occurred to me.

jut imagine if - in these work-from-home says - we cut up the HS2 spend into four or five and built a nuclear power station in a few red wall areas. We'd have a thousand-year tory Reich on our hands.

mrs ishmael said...

I don't think we have enough uranium to fuel a thousand year Tory Reich, mr mongoose, however desirable such a prospect might be.
And it is all very well for you to laugh, lads, at the prospect of the cables being cut - but I'm dependent upon them, for shopping, entertainment, instruction and blogging.
Not too worried about the windmills, since there's absolutely no benefit to me in the electricity they generate on and just off, our lovely islands - it is either used in situ by the wealthy buggers who erected them in their spare field, or it is sent off down an undersea cable to the electricity companies, who send it back again and charge me a fortune for the privilege.
As for how stupid do you have to be not to have assessed the Klingon factor in your risk assessments prior to erecting a wind farm - we are talking Scotland, you know. Just back in the house after taking Harris for his morning sniff and widdle, having had to take a detour to avoid the School Leavers of 2023 being piped en masse down the street for the lieges to gawp at them. The sight of brawny men in swinging kilts with silly little hats, weskits and shining bagpipes being lustily performed upon, always brings me to a near-panic attack, but it was most instructive to observe the school children shambolically shuffling after them, in an odd assortment of school uniform items, one gel in a pair of pyjama bottoms, all the gels sporting long curtains of hair parted above shallow white foreheads, all the boys with brutalist haircuts. Orkney's future - those Klingons better watch out.