The Christmas Ishmael: 25/12/2022

 

mr mongoose's Elegant Christmas Crossword

Across

1 Instant sweethearts' initial impression. (5,5)

7 Mother for brother will make Boris get up and go. (4)

9 Folk kissing Claus' wriggling and writhing torso in the        altogether. (10)

10 Louis MacNeice hid his spots. (4)

11, 5d 11, 5d Camp complainant will find Angela's treasure. (6, 7)

12 No ladies unsettled this king. (8)

13 Undermines sower for instance. (5,5)

14 U-boats dues. (4)

16 I hear Erato might live in such a house. (4)

17 The brass of Flanders and Swann vanished like the dew in the morn. (10)

19 Gathering will be prepared to conserve tedium consumer. (8)

22 Cats attacks without power. (6)

23 Irrational journalist set down in black and white. (4)

24 Retiring two islands in a country was just the beginning. (10)

25 BLM are keen for you to bend it. (4)

26 Leonardo rode such a wide river to COP29. (10)

Down

2 Start in inbred dump dweller. (9)

3 Sneakers of budgies in trunks. (9)

4 The avian sound of dawn. (8,7)

5 See 11a

6 Throw up throw up your biscuits. (4,4,7)

7 End up on a motorway city. (5)

8 Summertime! Thanks to the military council. (5)

14 Stern chip struggled to produce source of 4. (9)

15 Can you get real bacon cooked up at the Nou Camp? (9)

18 Prophet easy say Kriegsmarine port. (7)

20 A Welsh girl is from Kathmandu. (5)

21 Say name rising jog. (5)

Gluttony Corner.

Now, you thought being compelled to eat Turkey and Brussels Sprouts followed by Pudding and Custard for your Christmas dinner was bad, but thank your stars you weren't born Swedish. Or Czechoslovakian, as you would be eating Carp for your Christmas Eve dinner. Traditionally, families buy their carp alive a few days before Christmas in one of the many carp stalls in the city and then put the fish in their own bath. 

It is supposed to clean them up before slaughter, but children often get attached to their upcoming dinner and give their carp a name. Seeing their carp swim in the bath is highly appreciated by the kids,

 who are not required to take a bath during the Carp Cleansing, and rebel at the idea of eating their new pet, leading them to plead for the carp’s release. In Slovakia and the Czech Republic, the carp is usually fried in breadcrumbs and served with cabbage soup and potato salad. In Poland, carp is served with dumplings. In Hungary, it may often be cooked directly in a fish soup.

How does it taste? 

Disgusting.

It’s fat, muddy and has lots of fishbones which makes eating it quite the challenge. This is why it is only served once a year, at the end of Advent, a 4 week period of fasting and penitence.

By comparison, Orkney traditional dishes are innocuous.

Orkney Clapshot

 Sounds like something ejected with great force from the bowels, but it is quite a soothing dish. Serve it with your roast beast.

Turnip 

Onion

Potatoes

Lard (or butter if you are fancy).

Fry the onion in the lard or butter. Boil up the turnip and potatoes until soft. Mash them up together, stir in the fried onions and butter. 

Atholl Brose

Here in Orkney, porridge with whisky is considered the perfect end to a fancy dinner, if you are not taking Duff. In 1475 the sneaky and sophisticated Duke of Atholl captured his enemy, the Earl of Ross, by filling a well, from which the Earl liked to drink, with this magical potion. Ross drank deeply and was captured.

3   heaped tablespoons of porridge oats

32 fluid ounces Scotch whisky
2   cups water
2   tablespoons melted honey

Mix the porridge with water, leave for half an hour, mix in the honey and whisky. Serve.

Christmas Church Notices

Deck the Halls with Boughs of Holly:

The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. John  Green and his wife. After the service, we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.

A song fest was hell at the church on Wednesday

Rev. Flett is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.

The choir will meet at the Wilson house for fun and sinning.

The beautiful flowers on the altar this morning are to celebrate the birth of David Alan Flett, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Rognvald Flett.

The Rev. Groundwater spoke briefly, much to the delight of the congregation.

Following the hymn, I need Three Every Hour, the ‘Over 60s Choir’ will be disbanded for the remainder of the holidays with the thanks of the entire church.

The church will host a festive evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

The men of the parish will hold a New Year Barbecue, featuring a sausage fest.

Mr. Bradford was elected and has accepted the office of head deacon. We could not get a better man.