LABOUR CONCEDES STOKE BY-ELECTION, DIMBLEBY STOOD DOWN.

In a startling act of political generosity, Labour, this morning, handed the Stoke Central parliamentary seat to Mr Paul Nutter, the down-to-Earth, plain-truth-Scouser and deputy leader of Poundland, an enterprise led, for all eternity, by Mr Nigel Pimp, of Brussels, Washington and London. 

 Yes, yes, he can call himself leader,

 said Mr Pimp, 

they can all call themselves leader butchanowatt? they'll be asking me to go back any minute now, they always do.
We all know, let's be very frank about this, who's the real leader round here, don't we?

 I mean, younowatt, mark my words, the wimmen are the worst Poundland leaders

If you can't stand a threesome get out of the Poundland kitchen,

that's what I say and d'younowatt, I think you'll find I'm speaking for every red-blooded male in the country, 
just you mark my words.

But this time, when they want me back, mark my words, I might be too busy, helping my old mate, POTUS, to keep the Wetbacks out; foreigners, they're everywhere you know, I travel around a lot, at your expense and I can tell you, the world's full of them, foreigners; something must be done, just you mark my words.

During an extraordinary interview with the PBC's Mr Politics, Andy Neil, a man who went to grammar school and then to Clydeside Poly, before doing post-graduate work in the Murdoch sewer, 

 Madam Diane Abbott, a senior Labour front bencher, handed the upcoming by-election to Mr Nutter, on the proverbial plate.

Whilst agreeing in theory that people had voted to leave the European Union, Madam Abbott said that she respected the vote, obviously she did, hers was a party of democracy and the rule of law, which is why they do so much vote-rigging, torture, money-laundering, blackmail and war crime but the very clear facts of the matter were that Britain could only leave the EU by remaining in it; 

 the best way to affect the change so clearly voted for by the electorate was to keep things exactly the same. 


We can leave the EU, if that's what people really want, because they are stupid, but only if we stay in the Single Market, in the Customs Union, subject to the European Court of Justice, and acquiescing to unlimited immigration from any old made-up fantasy nation which, five minutes ago, was a horse-drawn economy, as long as these conditions remain in force, Madam Abbott was content to let us leave the EU.

 Mrs Askey's stated aim, continued  Madam Abbott, of doing as instructed by the electorate, was muddle-headed and entirely mistaken and as for a trade deal with the USA, well, Andrew, this simply could not happen because Mr Trump was not in any position to make deals because he is not the President.

On viewing the interview, Mr Nutter, or ower Paulie, as he's known down the  Dockers' Arms said,
 Thanks big lass, 

 

 I'm dead chuffed me, over the Moon,

 I c'n ardly Adam'nWossaname it,

 and now that I'm MP for Stoke, me, yeah, me, Honest Paulie, an MP,  I'll probly reconnect the leccy meter  in me gaff, probly get the tax man t'pay fer me leccy, now, anyway, I mean MPs don't pay fer anythin' do they?
Yeah, thanks big lass,  bang-on,
dead chuffed, me, over the moon. 
(sings: wa-a-alk on, wa-a-alk o-o-o-o-on, 

 

with hope in your heart, 

and you'll ne-ver walk ah lo-o-o-o-one,  

you'll 

 

ne-e-e-e-e-e-eve-e-e-er walk ah-a-lo-o-o-ne. 

Nice one, Di; you're a proper Lady Di, you are, 

 

 for an immigrant)

Warming to her theme, Madam Abbott turned to why it was better all around for her to make important decisions on behalf of poor people who aren't terribly bright.

 Honestly, Andrew, it's like that chap, ishmael, was saying, the other day: it is entirely proper and truly socialist, in fact it is the essence of democratic socialism - which, I may say, the British people are cying-out for, to me and Jeremy Corbyn and some of my junior colleagues -  for me to send my darling son to private school, far away from my constituents, otherwise it might prove difficult  for him to inherit the family business from me, you know what they say, Andrew,  familiarity breeds contempt, and let's face it, Andrew, when it comes to my constituents there's a lot to feel contempt about, isn't there, I mean, I know how you despise poor people, too, and live in France to avoid them. But no, mr ishmael was one hundred per cent correct, if everyone was to receive a good, expensive education, what would be the point of that, where would be the advantage for rich people, like myself and our precious children? 

And quite frankly Andrew, theres' no point in you trying to catch me out on leaving the EU, I have stated the position of my party and myself quite clearly and you must just accept it:  the only conceivable way for us to leave and do right by the electorate is to stay in.

I took a little opium, early this morning, it is a very rare event, two or three times a year, touch wood, better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it and  sometimes the  lesser of two evils, and watching Abbott, on the Sunday Andy, I thought, fuck me, I'm off me head, but I wasn't, she really did say all that, in that awful, convoluted  arm-waving didactic no-let-me-finish way of hers.

I used to say about Snotty that seeing someone make a fool of themself  is not a pleasant experience, anyone can do it - a slip of the tongue, an unguarded remark, a contradiction, an inconsistency, a Freudian slip, it is easily done.  Snotty's blunders, however, derived from a monstrous ego, a vast and groundless intellectual conceit and an unwholesome, dangerous  megalomania - instilled, in my opinion, by his batshit crazy Presbyterian  parents; from the certainty that he and he alone knew the sol-you-shun, that he alone divined the right thing for the country; Snotty, waving his rusty moral compass, was the flame-keeper of I-Know-Bestism. 

And so it is with Abbott, one wants, has always wanted,  to give her the benefit of the doubt; she was the first black female MP, but like the abominable Oily Vaz - the first Labour Asian MP - she has milked that distinction and wholly devalued it;  she is a lone parent but it has not ennobled her, for she is a greedy snob; she has defied the monstrous Blair, yet grows more like him every day.
 To see anyone make such a public hash of themselves as she did, today, ought to invite sympathy or compassion but her arrogance is breathtaking, her stupidity astounding and her  assurance  that she can bamboozle those who employ her together invite only contempt.
There has been no shortage of Abbott gaffes, this one, however, is titanic and unforgiveable.
Corbyn should sack her and the voters should pelt her with rotten  eggs and bags of dog-shit.
The self-proclaimed parliamentary standard-bearer of the Left,
good for fuck all.