Sunday, 13 September 2015



Well, all I can say to people - Real People, mind, not socialists,  Real People, who know what side their bread is Flora-d  on - people who care deeply about the Labour party, people who care as much as I do, yes, and as much as other great men like myself care, people like my fellow noble baron, 
Lord Peter Mandelstein,  he was born to rule, you know, pure aristocracy, Lord Peter is, rather like myself and Lady Kinnock, the great Lord Peter, who helped me form NewLabour,

 Kinnock, The Great Navigator.

from a disgraced and irrelevant workers' movement, hampering business and govament at every turn, Peter and I and all the other founders of Workers' Neglect, we are all deeply and profoundly, quintessentially and unequivocally gutted, yes gutted.  We didn't betray every single principle of  Workers' solidarity and co-operation and the so-called welfare state - a state, I might say, which concentrated wholly and entirely and exclusively and entirely erroneously in my view on the needs of irrelevant poor people.....wossat?  Workers Educational  Association?  Me? No, no, no, boyo, I never worked for them, never, never would have been involved in something like that.  I think you'll find that was that Ishmael chap, the communist. 

 No, I just always wear gold cufflinks in solidarity with rich people;  yes, all of us in NewLabour do. Well, in time, we hope that black people will be able to wear them, too, but it's a long struggle we're engaged in;  first we have to make ourselves rich, you see, and then we can........ well, then the problem will be solved.  I mean, how would it be if everybody could afford gold cufflinks -  the foodbanks'd go out of business, for a start, and think of all the unpaid jobs that'd be lost if that happened. I mean, I didn't come into politics to stop people working for nothing.  Only not nobility, like myself, of course, and Lady Kinnock, our time is valuable.

No, I am Baron Kinnock of Islwyn and Brussels, the first Kinnock baron in a thousand generations, no, a million generations, that's how grand I am, and I have Margaret Thatcher, 

Baroness Thatcher, to thank for that, and so much more.  I mean, if it wasn't for her, people would still be expecting the state to build homes for people to rent and everybody knows there simply isn't enough money for that sort of thing. 

Lady Glenys Slag, MEP.

And I say to you, today,
that MEPs sinply cannot do their jobs without a massive increase
 in pay and conditions and expenses.
Yes, and pensions, too.
And I must echo, for the Commissioners,  
what the noble lady and member for Mugsborough says on behalf of her colleagues;  if ,as Europeans, we pay our people peanuts, we will get monkeys.
Yes, like me and the missus.

Yes, now we get three hundred pounds a day in the Lords. 


Each, that is, me and Lady Glenys. No, look you, we're not motivated by the money. It is the opportunity to run our business from such a grand  address.  What is it?  Oh, well, it's not working by hand or mind, that's for sure; it's never been about that for her Ladyship and my noble self. No, it's more in the line of taking bribes.  
Yes, for attaching our names and titles to any old shit, really, any scam which needs the imprimatur of senior legislators, those who have distinguished themselves by unstinting service to themselves, like Lady Glenys and my noble self.  Yes, whoring for money, the greatest task to which a NewLabour politician can apply himself.
As well as the protection of eminent and distinguished Labour members like my fellow noble  Labour lord, the Lord Janner of KiddyRectum.

But Jeremy Corbyn, no, I mean yes, we are as a family, as a dynasty, in fact, absolutely gutted, yes, disappointed is another way of putting it, dismayed and disillusioned, yes it was as a wordsmith how I distinguished myself.  Well, you might call it windbagging my arse off, like a ginger hobgoblin on drugs but the people of Islwyn, yes, that's in Wales,  the location of my first business, they loved it, no matter how much I betrayed them, they still voted for me in their thousands, tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands, they love a good windbag, they do, in Wales.  And that's why I said, 

 We're not alright,
not with me in charge, anyway.

why I said, after my election defeat, yes,
 Thank you, Neil Kinnock, thank you
and Arise Baron GreedyGingerBastard

I was defeated by Johnny Underpants, after that, I promised  that I would stay and serve them for as long as they wanted me, but in fact they all said to me, Lord Neil, boyo, we really want you to go and serve us in Europe;  boyo, that's what they called me, and I never rebuked them for their informality in the presence of my nobility, go to Europe and represent Islwyn on the matter of the continent's transport, be a  Transport Commissioner for Islwyn, way to go, your Lordship.  

Yes, and sack anyone who blows the whistle on the crooked accounts. Well, what could I do?  Mind you, it was a month or two before Lady Glenys was able to be at my side, as an MEP, but it came good in the end for us.  And we want it to come good for everybody.  Oh, not hundreds of pounds a day just for signing-in and immediately fucking off out again , nothing like that. But we had hoped that our son, 

the Viscount Kinnock, 
would rightfully have inherited the leadership of my party  - cos, you know, inherited wealth and position, that's what made this great party of ours -  and we deeply regret the fact that  not only was his Grace, the Lord Steven,

 not nominated but that voters, most of whom had no business in voting at all, being poor and working class, the fact that voters disobeyed our orders and voted not for a  proven arsehole like Ms Cooper or Mr Bubbles but for someone who simply wants to rock the boat, steer HMS Gravy onto the rocks of redistribution, someone who dosen't even have a title, much less a coterie of backers in GlobaCrime pulling his ginger strings, well,   I mean, that happening, it beggars belief.

All I can suggest is that, as true democrats, we await the opportunity, and it cannot come too quickly, to overturn this democratic result.
And install my son, His Lordship, the Viscount Steven Kinnock, MP, in his rightful place.

 Giving ordinary people the vote,see, 
it was never a good idea.
Not when they use it just as they please
 and not as they're told, by their betters; 
yes, of whom I happen to be one.

In other NewLabour news, below is an artist's impression of the proposed Big Shiny Celebrity Guillotine, to be erected in Downing Street, upon Citizen Corbyn becoming prime minister. 


Suits your Lordship's smug, thieving neck nicely, sir.


Bungalow Bill said...

Yes that's the voice of true socialism, right there, the socialism of the "real world' and of the centre ground where principles have no place at all. King of cunts this horrible man and his horrible parasite family of thieves. John the Baptist to Blair's Jesus.

call me ishmael said...

They would put the vilest of grasping Tories in the shade, the Kinnocks, the baggage, Glenys, would make Christine Hamilton appear a model of modesty and decorum; more of a blight on our public discourse than were ever Lord Conrad Black and his doxy, Babs Amiel are these two cheap, grubby, grinning slags.

Twelve million fucking pounds they hustled from the Euro taxpayers, Glenys being infamously expert at5 the signing-in, walking-out scam and then flying home on Air Begorrah, while claiming First Class BA fare, filthy, cheap slut; her and Imelda, having the nerve to belittle striking miners' wives, thieving fucking slags.

I berate these vermin at some length and repeatedly because too easily are we led by MediaMinster into forgetfulness, too easily are scum like BBB and the Kinnocks rendered as virtuous-by-survival when in fact they are merely purchaseable-through-venality. My only antacid to the bile I suffer at their appearances is that, alone amongst my peers, I excoriated Kinnock, Mandelstein, Blair and New Labour from the instant I saw them. Skidmarks in the Devil's boxershorts, Neil and his Mrs.

mongoose said...

A day and a half in and you would have to have a heart of stone not to laugh. So many expensive survival tickets being snatched out of so many hands. This is worth the whole exercise in itself. Their replacement - or rumoured replacement - by scum-sucking retreads cannot be many hours away but we will worry about that when it happens. Has anyone told Jezza BTW that his job is simply to burn the house down? We don't want him getting all serious on us and having to go native.

call me ishmael said...

I loved the resignations scam, nobodies resigning from posts they no longer held and which actually didn't exist, what they were doing was resigning from their delusions, they should all fuck off and join Tim Wotsit and Nick Clegg. Chris Leslie? Resigning from himself? And I loved Chuka Obama tendering the Devil's Olive Branch, as though everyone in the world was stupid, apart from him. It really is a hoot. Although not as funny as Germany shutting up her charity shop doors after four days.

Anonymous said...

from Mandy Sings the Blues:

"...he wasn't Blair again today;
Oh how I wish he'd go away..."

(with apologies to William Hughes Mearns)


mongoose said...

It already seems that his own side will indeed have more knives sticking out of his corpse at the end. Cameron will, I think, just play it straight down the Red Menace line. He need do no more.

One feels sorry for the true believers. The gentle-hearted proper Left, inward-looking maybe, prouder of conviction and purity than achievement maybe, finally they have roused themselves to a fever of hope, now turned to expectation, and it is already turning to dust. You, Mr Ishmael, must see the terrible signs of the first day. Before Jezza has opened his mouth with a Wednesday Peoples' Question, Cameron just has to ignore it whatever it is, congratulate him like the gent he isn't and then ask him if he supports his Union Paymasters' intentions to bring down the elected government through illegal blah, blah... Or ask why he is shacking up with Nicola Fish to destroy Her Maj's Union in the very week of her blah, blah. St J will be defending from the first minute never to be on the front foot again. The poor bastard. Christ, what will the media do to him if he even puts a tie on, let alone a suit. It will be a massacre. I hope I am wrong but I fear the very worst.

Chuka, eh? Megahoon of the Month. What a clever press release, Chuka. Dick. Does he not know?

Mike said...

Well, Comrade Corbyn looks like he's no stranger at the trough. In fact, looks like he's from the same mould, just different soundbites.

Alphons said...

Every day there is new proof in abundance that "our betters" are getting worser and worser.
Surely there must be a way to put an end to all this "sin and corruption".

call me ishmael said...

Well, mr mongoose, to address your comments first, a contrary view might be that Corbyn may well have interested more young people than ever before in the doings down Westminster and if the inexperienced see Cameron playing Flashman, as he does, they may grow enraged by the fact that PMQs are nothing of the sort, but just an opportunity for showboating from all sides; should JC, further, prosecute his idea of different MPs having a pop at Dave at PMQs and if he were to be joined in that stratagem by the Tribesmen then the Andrew Neil view of politics as a set-piece, showbiz convention interpreted and adjudicated by he and his slimy ilk to we peasants may well be blown out of the water, public school insouciance rightly being exposed as the horseshit of the entitlementistas, including young bridegroom, Neil, the whole thing might be revealed as the tawdry soap opera which it has become, Corbyn's lack of mannered sophistication proving to be dynamite.

And I don't know that the achievements of the inward-looking lefties are, actually, as meagre as you suggest, certainly those of the 45 government are substantial, especially when compared to Blatcherism in it's succeeding forms.

And I think the PLP pouts at its peril, forgetting that Corbyn won the full members' votes, too, and their attempts to unseat him may lead to their own removal; if a means does not exist in legislation then Labour Conference could devise one, especially since Corbyn promises to re-empower it. I think I will join just to foment disquiet at the doings of the flouncers, the Labour Heseltines.

But we shall see, soon come. The first stage was in getting him elected and the others rejected, the odds against which were hundreds to one; who knows what can happen; four million UKIP votes, fifty-nine SNP seats, the ShitEaters annihilated, more than in my lifetime and yours, many now are seething with spirit and enthusiasm, and it is not for business as usual.

call me ishmael said...

I always thought that was Belloc, mr verge, shows my unsuitability, I suppose, for the role of literary critic.

call me ishmael said...

I had an experience, today, of my betters, m alphonse, which I will relate, further on up the road.

Anonymous said...

Fuck that, I thought it was Ogden Nash - checked before posting, though...


mongoose said...

You'll remember, Mr I, that I paid my three quid to vote for the blighter, thank-you very much. And there is much we would agree on. St Jeremy, and I for instance aspire to a United Ireland, to no more tuition fees, to scrapped PFI, to making sense of foreign policy for the world as it is now. So all is not lost. Indeed the National Education Service sounds a good line if he has the spine to massacre the Luddites of the education system - unions and management alike. Oh. I'd rather though that we had some spare military capability. The money is no more wasted than it is on legions of bastards doing CRB checks on honest citizens wanting to do their bit and help paint the old fence at the playschool. So I have little argument with policy - but largely because it ain't going to happen.

What I do argue with - what I have always argued with when it comes to the Luvvies - is the moral blindness. They are right. About everything. And if I disagree about anything I must be a cunt, and what's very much worse, I must be a Tory cunt. Well, I'm neither. The conviction, the moral certainty is a weakness. It's almost a collective character flaw. It is mantra. Dogma. It is religion. And it is bollocks. Further, it is a waste of time in England. They don't do religion down here. Haven't done for 400 years.

Fuck me, there is even a chance that this opens the door to split the fucking left again and it's not ten minutes we bayoneted the corpse of the Lib Dems. Pantsdown was on the telly earlier doing his Walking Dead Dogshooter bit, just as if he was very much still alive. If they could just leave aside the TUC-speak and get on with 2015, they'd have a chance of gathering those kids away from all that. It was a sorry hostage to fortune today BTW for Jezza to come over all clever and dribble on about the great offices of state being from the eighteenth century - when he himself is fully 80 years behind the calendar. His whole fucking life and more. Where is my real bastard Liberal party to come from if not from here and now? Anyway, I hope that you are right and he rapidly gets his act together.

You are correct, of course, that Labour cannot kill him for at least two years but he is fucked for sure if he does not get the heck up to Scotland and kick the shit out of the SNP. They are his enemy just now. No Scotland - no power. Never again. He cannot beat the Tories in 2020. It's too late for that. He has a long march on his hands and it must start in Scotland. You heard it here last.

call me ishmael said...

All hail, mongoose, and I do think that JC is Scotland bound, sharpish.

call me ishmael said...

Out, now, from the tank, mr mongoose. I think there just have to be the CRB checks, vexatious as they seem, better that folks are irritated than that Mr SuperNonce goes undetected about his business, price of liberty, eternal vigilance. And it isn't just the helpful amateur who is scrutinised but every grade of paid employee who has access to the vulnerable; we must thank Father Flynn for this, and the PBC and the boy scouts and the Methodists and the Anglicans.

As the descendant of Plantationers, I couldn't really care less about 26 counties or 32 or whatever it is; I don't object to you cleaving to it but a United Ireland wouldn't be, lest you exiled all the Orange men to the Isle of Man, it would just be another dog's breakfast.

Yes, lifelong learning is already accessible to many, those in the know, anyway, and even without formal, institutional courses, I cannot believe how well-informed I now am, merely by boulevarding along the Information Super Highway but someone needs to unpick this dreadful Blair idea of Uni, as they call it, 4All.I have run WEA courses and I would do one tomorrow, maybe you would, too, and others, here; de-coupling the vested interests of teachers or cops or doctors or nurses from their practice and their subjects is a mighty task, way beyond some time-served rabble rouser, that needs to come from the ground-up and I do believe there are all sorts of community science labs and symposia in the States, making great headway in, I dunno what you call it, the proselytizing of auto-didactism would do, there is a place for teachers, of course, just not everyplace.

Corbyn needs to be cudgelled and scourged as much as does any wretched filthster, he needs to be lampooned and satirised but as with UKIP and the Tribesmen, his precious sincerity, the negative image of Sid Poundland's Man Down The Pub, more like Man Down The Ethical Allotment, his arrival has rattled the cages of the unGody, and for this, much thanks.

mongoose said...

Except that invigilated liberty isn't liberty, is it? We here have a dozen or so CRB check documents between the three adults, and one of us has only been an adult for eight weeks. And between us we have nothing written on any of them. It is all just bollocks. And if someone is such a danger that he needs a chit, he should be in jail or secure accommodation of another kind receiving treatment. We cannot fuck with the whole population week in and week out because in the end stuff just gets left undone. "Do I have a what? A CRB chit for schools? No, I do not. Fuck it, I cannot be bothered." And that is the end of community involvement, society, in any meaningful sense. And don't we just know that proper criminals can buy and sell these things anyway?

And I object that it has become normal that a citizen has to prove these things to the state. Fuck 'em! "Am I committing an offence, Officer? No? Then a good-day to you and do toddle off and annoy someone else." That is liberty.

St J seems to be getting to grips with the job today but it is all internal. It is 1983 again. Cameron's tanks will flatten the poor bugger, I fear, like Maggie's tanks flattened Foot. And that was the last time the party was run by a decent and honest left-winger of the old school.

call me ishmael said...

I much prefer that volunteers be irritated than children and old people and sick people be molested. It remains the case that most child abuse takes place in the home but I am sure that volunteering of one sort and another has afforded many opportunities to the Godless dipping their devilish wick under the guise of scouting or swimming or singing organisations; there is precious little we can do, mr mongoose, about Daddy or Uncle Beast, but we can certainly make it mor difficult for them to spread their wings among a captive audience. I do not know if these documents which you mention are readily obtainable, they may be but I know that in Scotland, at least, public sector workers are vetted and regulated and overseen as never before and quite rightly and that the same criteria are applied to those who choose to work for nothing.

As for the citizen-as-suspect, you know well that we are all, here, bitterly opposed to that; CRO checks are not, however, the same thing; would you abolish them? Surely not, and lay the little mongeese, and grand mongeese open to whatever the Beasting world sends them. These checks are not made to stop you painting the school, if you want to - although I would rather it was done by a paid painter and decorator - but to stop others painting our children's faces with sperm. Or worse.

I suppose JC could only disappoint conventional expectation, perhaps no bad thing, we need our appetites refining.