Friday, 18 June 2010



 Vive le coalition.
CallHimDave on l'entente cordiale:

As we gather here today to mark the successful conclusion of the Napoleonic Wars I would just like to say that one of my grandfather's great uncle's brothers was a part of that very successful whatever it was;  Mr Duff-Hard-On, my distant relation, was in fact part of that great  wartimegovament of coalition-but-mainly-Tory  and so it is right that it is I, CallHimDave, who is here today,
as le premier mininstre unelectee-vous, in order to celebrate this ongoing state of affairs, in which our two great nations squabble with each other, until Germany invades France again. .This goes  to show - and talking of goers the little Frog mynx looks like a right one - that,  like His Lordship,  Mr Mandelbum, I, CallHimDave, was born to govern and proves that this is, indeed,  the NewPolitics, new and retrogressive.  I mean progressive. The people of la Belle Anglais, anyway, have voted for no govament at all, and that's just what they've got, me and Mr Nick Toilets, no govament at all. But what we have witnessed in Britain recently is the return of the proper sort of administration, landowners and white collar criminals, united by a love of privilege, greed and the public school. 

But we mean to share this and that is why Mr Spit-Gove is allowing various groups of would-be middle-class oiks to pretend that they can run schools, even though they can't frame a proper fucking sentence and think that hopefully is an adjective and wouldn't know what an adverb was if it bit them hopefully on the arse. Or a split infinitve, so to hopefully speak. But until their brats come home  grunting and counting on their toes these people will continue to Vote Tory, I mean Coaltion. And that, educationally speaking, is all that matters. Next time we'll pretend thay can run their own merchant banks, too.

But hey, Zut alors and Fuck me, non,  we wouldn't be sending our children to their poxy free schools.  Eton or nothing, as we say in the cabinet of all the thieves. And in effect, of course, it doesn't matter about winning elections, just getting the right people to run things, that must be the major judgement,facing the proles;  I mean, not too many eminent moneylenders among the Labour lot, is there?  And it's bankers and spivs and thugs that can really put this country back on its feet and it doesn't matter what party they come from as, long as they're rich  I mean, just look at me and Mr Toilets, like as two peas, hypocritical, geedy, conceited, arrogant, over-privileged, incompetent, never done a day's work in our lives  WeKnowBesters and it seems ridiculous that we should be in different parties. And the fact that we are both rich means we no longer have to be. In different parties.   From now on there should just be the one party, the Ruling Party;  there, that's better isn't it, much better?

And that is why, on this historic occasion,  I can simply say to you, in the immortal words of President General Charles de Frog, apres moi le deluge, which translates as if you fucking LiberalDemocrats vote down the Coalition of the Unwholesome then we are all fucked, or I am, anyway, which, in my tough but necessary judgement, and Mr Toilets', amounts to the same thing. But to quote my predecessor further, we say this to the Poor and Old and Sick and Labour-voting: We will fight you in the JobCentres we will fight you in the A and E units, we will fight you in the old people's homes and we will fight you in the public libraries  - which we have decided you can no longer afford - we, the govament, the stronganstable govament, will never surrender to the people's will.  We got here without it. And we'll stay here without it.

Vive les aristos!


Reginald said...

What a sad state of affairs.
One that has plainly had one, another that will probably soon get one, and two more, more deserving of a very serious one, who will probably miss their comeuppances.

jgm2 said...

'Ave you been fucking with the size of people's noses in that photo?

I only ask because SamCam's schnozz looks like a tapir. Actually they all do.

As to what we can and cannot afford I can only direct you to the Maximum Imbecile, the member for Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath, as and when he can be arsed to show up in the mother of Parliaments when he isn't hiding behind 'I'm not an utter-fucking-nutter-hiding-from-my-missus-and-the-good-verbal-kicking-that-is-the-least-of-my-dues-as-leader-of-the-opposition.

Except I'm not. Because as well as being bravely elected PM after sticking the knife into the last PM I've bravely scuttled off to sulk in Kirk-Fucking-Caldy, Fucking Fife,Fucking Scotland, Most Barren, Uninhabitable Part of the UK by some fucking distance.

Same school you and I Ishmael. Maybe only 10 or 15 years apart. This would count for something if we were Labour, Conservative, Liberal ruling class but like Portillo and Abbot who went to the same grammar school I detect wildly divergent ideology.

Not that I have an ideology. I cannot condemn Dave or Nick - despite their St-Cakes background - for a number of reasons. But the main one being that they have been handed an utter clusterfuck by the Maximum Imbecile.

Thatch famously, to the derision of students of maths and even Dickens stated that economics was, at its heart, very simple. Spend less than you earn.

We have endured 13 years of squandering idiocy and now we must, well, be grown up about it. We can't keep pissing away money like this.

We must cut services, cut public sector pay, increase taxes. Perm any one of three. Or, more accurately, three of three so badly fucked are we.

We must, in short, behave like adults - and certainly not like the Brendan-Behan-alcoholic-at eight Brown and his squandering addiction.

Anonymous said...

Mr jgm2: I suspect I lie somewhere to the right of you in ideology - having read your pieces here and elsewhere. And I'm probably a little older. However, I do have a concern for my fellow man, and abhor the seemingly inevitible injustices of life which always result in the little man getting the shitty end of the stick. There is no inconsistency there. Some make the mistake of confusing this with socialism, whereas I see it as just common decency irrelevant to party line.

call me ishmael said...

Quite right, mr anonymouys, you may br faliliar with the speeches of the One Great Brummie, John Bright,MP, which often express the same sentiments.

As for you mr jgm2, an ancient Edwardian I may be, but don't you dare accuse me of being so old that I have an ideology.

Save, of course, thatwhich insists that "human nature" is the phrase the unGodly use to camouflage their crimes.