Tuesday, 8 June 2010


This Shit In The Gulf business is proving hard to take. Merkins are having trouble voicing their anxious resentment over the oil seepage but most of them, mind,  sound as though they'd have trouble voicing their name and address.

There is an incoherent and endless whine, Dopplering from the Gulf of Mexico, all around the world;  I swear I heard it down on my Scottish shore, this evening. It went whine-whine-whine-whine-whine, good ole boys, whine-whine-whine-whine-whine, peepul iz hurtin', whine-whne-whine-whine-whine, theyz hurtin' reel bad.

Even PROTUS  is joining in the chorus of dissent, even though it's actually  against himself.  He done already said YesWeCan and here we all iz, up to our asses in this filthy fuckin' shit  and businesses is closin' and livelihoods is bein' lost and alls he can say is Well, MaybeWeCanButProblyWeCain't, what kinda shit is that? I knows folks whats been fishing here in the Gulf for, Oh, mebbe three or four years, now, and now thay cain't, unfuckingAmerkin, that's what it is. I ain't no racist, Sir, but fuck me sideways til Thanksgivin' I allus said we shouldn't have no nigger bastard in the White House, didn I allus say that Thaddeus, Thaddeus here's my neighbour an' he's a good ole boy, jes like me, didn I allus say that, about them nigras, ain't that why they call the motherfuckin' place the Goddamned White House? What's the pointa having them monkeys livin' in there and swingin' offa them chandeliers and shittin' all over the Oval Office,  they got monkey children, too, them Obamas, I done seen 'em, on the TeeVee. Disfuckinsgustin 'swhat it is.

Anyway, the home of Liberty and Waterboarding is shitting itself over this e-co-logical disaster  and especially over the sang-froid of Mr Tony,  the BP chief executive; seems he should be rolling around in the shit, flailing himself with a rolled-up Stars and Stripes and not just trying to stop the flow. Seems that here is someone that the Obamessiah can take a swing at, despite, five minutes ago, him saying that anyone with a bucket and spade can come and dig for oil off America's shores. Energy security he called it.  What it means, my fellow motherfuckers. is us, God's chosen people, the last great hope of humanity (no, he really does say all this shit) here, where change has come, in the form of my black ass, us being independent of them other motherfuckers, who we will extend a hand of freedom to, just as long as they do what I tell 'em  the fuck to do, Merka's energy needs come first and foremost in my administration of change. And that's why we gonna dig up the ocean floor and fill Merka's cars with cheap yankee gas, Yessiree, yee-haw.  Only trouble is now he's running around like a headless fucking chicken saying the exact opposite. Just like you'd expect.

It is a revolting sight, those birds, all choking in oil and God knows what happening in the ocean, the dispersant, some say, worse than the oil, itself, but, you know, Sharpshooters USA must blast millions of birds from the sky every year, firing Family Edition RPGs or .50 cal machine guns up at them varmints;  Mr Red Braces on Wall Street must have made far more people unemployed and homeless than has the oil slick and Emil Jasper Beauregarde the Third, down there on the Bayou, should kiss his own ass in gratitude that he wasn't living in Iraq, under  constant bombardment from uranium-depleted munitions,  those great Uncle Sam messages to the future, the ones which bring cancers and widespread birth defects - now, fuck me, there's an ecologocal disaster; mind you, was Saddam Hussein himself snuck into the Twin Towers and planted them explosives, so's them buildings'd just fall plumb down outa the sky in they own footprints;  once the planes had crashed into 'em, that is, and even when they didn't, know what I'm sayin', Jim? The only thing we coulda done was go in there and steal all that motherfuckin' oil offof 'em - that's what democracy's all about.

And that's not to mention all the gangraping and drive-by shootins  and fun an' games in the  Abu Ghraib penitentiary which the Merkin peepul've kindly exported to Eye-rack. Why some ayrab . just walkin out there on the street, got an even chance a gettin his head blowed off, just for the Hell of it, by some of our fine mercenary boys operatin' out there, and even by the Oh-fishul KKK Regiment a the US Air Cavalry, pouring some a that sweet hot death down on their nigger heads, shit, ain't democracy just the best thing ever. Apart from
the Free Market as understood by them LImey fucks at Bee fuckin Pee.

These whining rednecks have been very happy, like all their patriot motherfucking neighbours,  to use as much, more, oil than anybody else on the planet, they have wanted more of it and they have wanted it cheaper; they have been delighted to work for the  oil companies, one of which they now lambaste, the Southern States have been Oil States  for over a century and now,  fuck me, Jesus, brothers and sisters, the oil done bit them in the ass, they're all sounding like a branch meeting of the Scottish Green Party and the lamebrain, airhead president is getting his ass kicked, entirely without justification, for not emoting enough, as though he should be down their on the shore, a Bible in one hand. a sixgun in the other, rebuking the waves and loosing off at the Oilmen . Oh, what a sight for sore eyes, Obama getting roughed-up, the useless gobby prick.

(The Bhopal disaster in India, in passing, was at the hands of the majority US-owned Union Carbide chemicals company; twenty five thousand have died and today, a quarter of a century on, a couple of bit players have been jailed,  there has been no public outcry in the United States over this company's behaviour, but then Indians are the next worse thing to niggers, ain't they.)

Merkins might reflect that the shit they are dealing with in the Gulf is just a fraction of the shit that they export all over the world, comercially and militarily, in the pursuit of their own dumb happiness. But they won't. Is Clint Eastwood, they must be asking themselves, too old to run for the White House?


jgm2 said...

It's just Obama having his revenge for that jackass Brown gobbing off about how the economic clusterfuck started in American and definitely had fuck all to do with him.

Now Obama has an ecological clusterfuck and BP are in the frame and just like Honda being scape-goated so that Chrysler and Ford can sell cars three times the size to numb-skulled yanks with interest rates at fuck all then them goddam-Limeys-they-tortured-my-Mau-Mau grandaddy-the-snaggled toothed,-red-coated-bastards are front and centre to divert attention from the ctual fuckers actually drilling the well. Halliburton.

What a fucking surprise. And by the time BP get their money back off Halliburton for their shit kit's failure the it will be the equivalent of the 20 million dollars or so that the Exxon Valdez finally coughed up last week for ram-raiding Alaska with a supertanker.

said it years ago. Non American companies are insane to venture into the US. The last person to get out of the US with any real money was Andrew Carnegie.

jgm2 said...

Seperately, I was watching CNN at an airport or hotel or someplace last week and they had that teletype thing that gives you text in real time as the newsreader gabbles on.

The Exxon Valdez was rendered variously as 'Exxon Barbies' and 'Exxon Bar Bears'.

Hard not to laugh.

Anonymous said...

Is Clint Eastwood, they must be asking themselves, too old to run for the White House?'"Christ I hope so.

Elby the Beserk said...

I believe we are still awaiting an apology for Piper Alpha. Such spoilt little brats

P.T. Barnum said...

Courtesy of Channel 4 news, it seems that the Wonderful American Military Inc. is recruiting teenage Playstation experts. They sit them in a room in Texas and give them control of drones flying over Afghanistan. When they spot a potential 'insurgent' (how do you surge into your own country?), they seek permission to fire the drone's weapons. Shoot-em-ups... Boom, another raghead vaporised.

Apparently drones are very cheap to buy or make. And the ragheads are pissed at having their homes blown up and their mothers cut into bite-sized pieces. With a 10,000 mile range, an oil spill could become the least of the Yankee nightmares.

jgm2 said...

Obama continues to pursue the Brownian approach to industrial relations...


Useless, posturing, yes-we-can-actually-no-we-can't-cap-a-well-a-mile-under-the-sea with a soundbite.

I had some sympathy for Obama taking over from the clusterfuck bequeathed by Bush but I see it was misplaced. It's obvious to everybody that BP is doing its best to fix the problem and yet you have this anti-British jackass whipping up anti-British sentiment as if BP saboutaged their own well for a fucking laugh.


Yet another legacy of Brown blaming the yanks for his own incompetence though.

Fuck him. Send Obama the bill for Iraq.

Hire of Mercenary army...10bn quid. We'll take gold.

Dick the Prick said...

Brilliant. Many thanks.

Bob Doney said...

As usual, Mr Ishmael, you put fine words to our deepest feelings of contempt and powerlessness.

Is it allowed to fall out with Europe AND the US of A at the same time? I bloody well hope so.

call me ishmael said...

Well, mr bob doney,it is an interesting question, to which we should return, but in the meantime,I have.