Tuesday, 30 June 2009


Interviewed on the BBCs flagship teatime gossip show, PM, with Eddy Smug, the programme for smug people, in which smug gits from all walks of life talk to Eddy and some of them just listen at home, or send emails, Alan Postie, the new Home Secretary, revealed the depths of his stupidity. And ours.

The new ID card, Eddy, is no longer going to be compulsory, which it never was, anyway, but voluntary, which it isn’t, although it is. And it won’t cost any money, well, not to me, anyway. People worried about compulsory ID cards can relax because if they don’t volunteer for them we’ll just force them to have them, so there it is, nothing to worry about. While I’m here, can I see your papers. Eddy?

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Dick the Prick said...

Dear Mr Ishmael

I guess it's the pressure of the monolith - if these cunts knew how to say sorry immediately, you're probably right half way through, and fuck me - I really screwed up there after; well, we wouldn't be in this shit.

I just don't get me head around how money can influence people, I really don't. What? More hedges? Are you fucling insane? This was a proper fuck you issue and they've fucked it - quelle job done.

Hope you're on the mend bud (or, well, you know) & lots of love to the family.


PS - PM is shed loads better than Toady, most expensive alarm clock in the world and bloody good too it works.

call me ishmael said...

I have a lot of hedges Mr DTP, maybe half a mile, but I like them, they keep me sane, well, dunno about that, seems a bit presumptious.

After much thought I bought a new pair of telescopic shears yesterday, I have a big fuck off trimmer but I prefer to do them with shears, it's a long meditation, evening after evening and the new shears are a great help. It was never a uestion of the money, just if they'd be any good.

I must do something drastic to the longest hedge or lose it, at some cost to its feathered inhabitants but more to my wah, my equilibrium - the cars and the house can go to fuck but the trees and the hedges mustn't fail.

I'll have to hire some truck-mounted device and a shredder or maybe some landscape gardeners but that would sort of ruin things. Being a hedge-keeper and a woodsman is not all plain sailing.

THank you for your good wishes and the same to you.

Alan Johnson is an arsehole, no question.

caesars wife said...

Awe photoshop had me in stiches , best laugh all week stan

riechman pat riechman pat
riechman pat and his base ball bat
early in the mornin
just as day is dawning
reichamn pats a really miserable man .

Dick the Prick said...

Dear Mr Ishmael

Exactly - I saw your picture of your astounding garden and in between thinking Scotland, best part of England, thought that, would anyone take on two of those and still have marbles? 1 plot is all a man needs - 2 is just ridiculous.

I've been fortunate enough to nearly execute myself, using the electrocution method, twice now because of my fucking hedges. Have nicely had significant hayfever attacks and have spent a good few hundred pounds on keeping them in line. Conversley, with hat donned on Saturday did use the rightmost hedge as a pillow whilst having the Glastonbury radio feed bellowing at top whack - rough with smooth.

Telecscopic shears are defo the way forward, as are face masks, those builders bags and plenty of fruity drinks. People only see what they want to see I guess.

Happy pruning (bastards!!!!!)