Tuesday, 16 June 2009


The Iranian people take a serious view of their British friends being tyrannised by an unelected prime minister and a ruling junta of thieves, degenerates, comedians, shoe-fetishists and drug addicts.

We take grave exception to armed state thugs roaming the streets of the UK and tasering innocent people whose only crime is being high-spirited as a result of the ruling junta having thrown open, all around the clock, the doors of the taverns.

In our country, dissidents are allowed to march and demonstrate at will and without the permission of and without being photographed by the state police; specifically we permit the gathering of citizens in the grounds of the parliament, unlike in the UK where such protest is forbidden, especially when those yellow bastards are visiting.

Finally, we extend the hand of brotherhood to the many homeless families and small goneoutofbusiness businesses up and down the great land of United Kingdom and our support to them as they struggle to throw off the tyranny of the ladyman, McSnot, peace and blessings not be upon his name, the horrible fucking bastard.
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backwoodsman said...

Your 'Tommy', is seriously good.

Dick the Prick said...

Absolutely spot on. The meeja are having a right wank over it without ever concerning themselves with the staggering irony. Arseholes.

call me ishmael said...

Too kind, Mr backwoodsman, it is nothing, a pastiche; Kipling was the man.

I sat, Mr DTP, watching Brown holding forth on Iran and I nearly died laughing, a few months ago Chinese thugs were manhandling British citizens on the streets of London while our unelected prime minister picked his nose, bit his nails and shit himself; a few years back Jack Torture ordered the Met to violently attack those protesting, lawfully, the visit of some chink despot.......and now, after Iraq and Guantanamo, Brown still presumes to sermonise at the world, the horrible fucking bastard.

Daisy said...

Yes, Mr Ishmael, tragic that millions of Iranians are prepared to risk their lives for the sake of what little democracy they have, whilst we, who once had so much, should care so little.

I watched a discussion on telly where a university student said that she couldn't understand what all the fuss was about over the EU and the Lisbon Treaty; she couldn't see what difference it made with our being ruled by Brussels and could only conclude that those who objected were closet racists. This fuckwit was doing a politics degree at one of our leading universities and hoped to make it a career. You really do have to despair, don't you?

In a similar vein, never has a silence been so significant as that which emanated from the Conservative leadership following fag-ash Ken's little outburst. He said nothing, of course, that was not obvious from Hague's slippery evasion and the utterly meaningless "we shall not leave it there", but isn't it nice to have it confirmed beyond all doubt that there is, in effect, not a fag packet's worth of difference between the lies and deceit of Gordon Brown and those of Call Me Dave.

I was wondering, idly, as you do, whether we have ANY politicians left in this country with character, integrity, guts, determination, a sense of history and an understanding of the fundamental principles of democracy. I struggled to think of even one, which says it all, really. And then I hit on the name Daniel Hannan. A possible, I thought, very possible.

What do you think?

call me ishmael said...

Dear Mr Ms Daisy

I think lots and am sometimes - rarely - beguiled, seduced by bouts of optimism but overall I believe in what it says on the tin - here, we chronicle ruin; here, we laugh to keep from crying.

Some things are better than they have ever been - women's rights; children are believed when they tell of abuse; health and safety is better than ever and lives previously wantonly discarded by employers are now valued properly; people live longer, pain- and disease-free lives; housing, transport, education, communication, art and culture are available to more than ever; gay people are freer, if that's what they really want to be, from persecution and unfair discrimination; the State acts as Other-parent and breadwinner to countless young sole parent households and most of these improvements stem from the post-war social compact, Atlee's Labour and the Unions, most of what we now take for granted has been opposed by the Right.

A grateful nation should, therefore, be rock solidly behind Gordon Brown, yet he is loathed, despised and ridiculed on all sides. People, in despair, are seriously considering voting for the career bully and useless tosser, Cameron and his gang of braying nincompoops. We have much. yet those charged by us with administering and safeguarding and sharing our resources deliver so very little, their priorities being self, pocket, cock, party, and career, only, in the four-yearly festival of competitive promising, deferring archly to the voter. Hannah is one of those, isn't he ? Lambasting the prime minister is not something for which he can take especial credit, I have been doing it in various forums for years, long before the Wool of Prudence fell from Hannah's eyes, long before order-order. It's easy, he is a big target, lumbering and cack-handed, false and empty, easy to caricature but it proves nothing and changes nothing.

When he should be working for us, Hannah works for the mediaevalist Barclay Twins, as though, as is the case with Lady Kinnock, an MEP's stipend is insufficient.

And anyway, we have said before that all of these fuckers have more in common with each other, regardless of party, than they do with us; Hannah, Brown, Hague, Gove, Hain, Huhne - what's the difference? Go on, what's the difference ?

So many other countries react so differently to tyranny; in this case it is the Iranian youth; it has been, recently, the French, the Italians, the Poles, the Rumanians, the Russians and the Germans, each unrest, each revolution has brought improvement. Here we sit and watch Ruin overtake us, our cities, our institutions, our culture and our freedoms.

The cross-party architects of Ruin, however, sit cosily, cleaning themselves up, happy that we are warring, sort of, electorally anyway, over them and not, as should be the case, against them.


I have worked on this reply into the first hours of my birthday, I hope it makes the case.

Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me........

lilith said...

Happy Birthday Mr Ishmael :-)

Dick the Prick said...

Happy birthday to you indeed - huzzah and hang out the bunting! Hope you have a lovely day Mr Ishmael and that the family Ishmael have all been recruited for a lovely tea and perchance some cake.

I've become slightly more concerned with the authority of 'officers' of either local gov, civil service, quangos, commissions, EU, banks etc - that parliament is so weak, so traduced and full of shite that career orrificers can simply do what the chuff they want and elected truculent alcoholic perverts just blow off steam occassionaly when it feels their own power has been besmirched - sod the people - they really don't matter much.

Whilst I fully applaud the advances made, as listed, as being desired and ameliorative one would suspect it could have been done better, cheaper and quicker.

Hmm...anywho - happy birthday again.

Grumpy grandad said...

Our congratulations too. Have a swift half and an extra helping of haggis on us if you have a spare glass.

Me and SWMBO

call me ishmael said...

".....career orrificers can simply do what the chuff they want and elected truculent alcoholic perverts just blow off steam occassionaly...."

truer and wilder than you know, I think, Mr DTP; more later.

Thanks all for the good wishes; like Mr Oscar Wilde I shall now go and dress in black to mourn the passing of another year, albeit one safe, yet, from the surgeon's knife.

Caractacus said...

Dear Mr. Ishmael,

I've finally found you again and so can now wish you a very Happy birthday!

My theory as to why there is very little insurrection in this country of ours is that many of its inhabitants have been so mentally tranqualized by the MSM (particularly the BBC) that they are unaware of the state they are in. Such is its potency that it is almost impossible to lift them out of such a soporific state. I think that slowly, however, this blog and others similar, will act as the neccessary and long overdue antidote.

Have a good day!

call me ishmael said...

Thanks Mr Caractacus.

If evidence was needed of what you say about the BBC then a half-hour spent listening to the Feedback programme will provide it; controllers, presenters and producers will simply not countenance a second's criticism, complaints result only, in their view, from the audience's stupidity and lack of sophistication; it is like listening to a bunch of Oxbridge Maoists, denouncing us. Bastards.

aea said...

Many happy returns and my very best wishes to you and yours.

PS. Mr DtP is becoming positively profound. The benefits of a liquid diet?

Dick the Prick said...

Dear Mr,Mrs, Miss aea - curiously no, other than coffee and gallons of vitriol. Have started a new job where if one was to play bullshit bingo a standard middle manager's presentation could provide for 5 or 6 happy games. However a few ales shall be quoffed ce soir.

On a similar note; have you noticed the sudden rise of the phrase 'going forward'? What the chuff? Is that meant to be an invocation of dynamism and movement to fool the listener into believing the utter shite dribbling from their addled brains? Seriously, its frequency has seemingly shot up in the last year. My old reflex words of 'basically' and 'actually' seem to have dropped in popularity to meld into the cover all signal of 'I'm gonna spew some crap now going forward' - well, bully for you just don't expect alternative responses other than tosser and a hasty move to the exit.

an ex-apprentice said...

Dear Mr Prick,

It's Mr "actually".

My sincere congratulations on the new job.

call me ishmael said...

It is the language of I-Know-Best managerialism, Mr DTP, PermaNews have spilt it all over everything, it pollutes discourse almost completely. George Orwell, in a 1940s essay on the misuse of English by prominent people, has them bang to rights, they were doing it then, just the same, the Devil, as ever, is in the detail-ing, just as impertinently and uselessly as they do now. I'll cut and paste a bit in another post.

Mr an ex apprentice, I should have recognised you, even without the overalls, sorry.

black hole sunset said...

Oh, hello Mr Ex-Apprentice, good to see you again, hope you are well sir.

I was sad to see your blog disappeared so suddenly, but wish you every success and reward in whatever enterprise now benefits from your attention.

Dick the Prick said...

Dear Mr Ishmael

'Bring me a shrubbery, make it a nice one' - congrats on your topiary - I've got a 20ft privet hedge and nearly executed myself on a crappy hedgetrimmer from B&Q and had a lawnmower explode too - gardening = danger, shrubs = fucking bastard plants. Nowt, i'm sure you know only too well. £150 to fix it as neighbours fleeing in droves and signs near roads beneficial when Darwin awards considered.

I live in a brownstone and am going for sunflowers this year on my stoop but slowly came to realize, I'm gonna be walking into a see of bees - dig up a bit of me garden needed but questionable soil.

Am doing proper Tory stuff and shit but not joined party (although, probably admin - if asked, would only delay for blagging purposes - don't think i've got moral objections, just, ya know, everything else). Big time lucky in that getting paid to look at local government. Never been one for conflict, just backroom nudges. Nearly saved £90+ on Monday when I thought no-one was looking but apparently the lazy shits were - bugger, delete a tier of admin of incredibly questionable value. Fuck it.

Anywho - good luck with garden & good luck with them hedges - the fucking bastards. Thursday today - sure we have elections on these days perrrrrraaaapppppsss.



DtP said...

Meant £90k or maybe, if these public pension debts are to be considered £250k - hmm, shit bit of admin whatever.

Grumpy grandad said...

DtP: Fear not! "Hopefully" is still going strong with its misuse and will doubtless continue to do so going forward.