Learn Politics 101 with mrs. ishmael.
- Cut taxes, raise wages and duck out of supporting foreign wars.
- Sack the popular, clever black woman, shuffle the unshaven big black bloke into her job and replace him with a sulky Bremainer with strong connections to China, still riding the Greensill scandal - Greensill Capital specialised in supply chain finance, where businesses borrow money to pay their suppliers. Despite Cameron’s lobbying efforts to secure it a slice of the Covid money-pie, it never received any money from the Covid scheme and collapsed in March 2021. Its failure was estimated by a parliamentary inquiry in 2021 to have cost UK taxpayers up to £5bn. The sulky Bremainer is not an elected MP. But then he wasn't an elected Prime Minister.
Well, look, lessbeperfectlyclear about this.
I am absolutely one hundred per cent committed to those campaigning today on the issue that Spads Lives Matter, they do matter, they matter very much.
I don't necessarily think they should lie down in the roads and stop people going on holiday but if I could just make a personal observation, in my own case, as Prime Minister Emeritus, I simply cannot under-estimate the contribution made to this country by - sorry, wossat?
Over-estimate ? Not under-estimate?
Well, woddever, let's not be pedantic.
They do both mean exactly the same thing.
I simply cannot wossaname the contribution made to this country by Mrs Prime Minister Cameron's personal stylist,
being in charge of you all.
I mean, lessbeclear, she didn't have much to work with, Mrs SamCam often resembling one of Mrs Brookses rather fine equine specimens,
and although even after her stylist had done her job she still looked like a horse, she was at least one with a nice frock and high heels.
|Walk on, Dobbin, there's a good horse.|
The idea, quite proply resisted, in my view, by Spads Lives Matter, that Mrs Scissorhands should not be rewarded with public funds and medals for doing my wife's hair, is frankly untenable.
Yes, like I was, as prime minister, after BorExit, untenable.
I've always prided myself on being up to trend with what's happenin' on da street
And although he wasn't quite a Spad, my right honourable friend,
was of great special assistance to me in running the money laundry.
Yes, the City of London, yes, and the property market, the money laundry.
Well, what happens is that our colleagues in Organised Crime, yes, Russians or Chinese, or anyone, really, who has stolen vast sums of money, or perhaps made fortunes selling drugs or arms, we let them know that the laundry is open to them, so they can clean it all up nicely, thank you very much, the stolen money, before stashing it in one of my father's offshore places.
But lessbeclear, it isn't just foreign criminals, it's also our own very valued ontrapanooers,
like Sir Phil Green,
Sir Phil with Mrs Horse,
I mean my good lady wife.
And with myself, the prime minister,
getting our stories straight.
Sir Philip, owner of clothing retailer Arcadia Group, will scrutinise government expenditure from the past three years to try to identify where savings can be made.
The conclusions from the external review will feed into the Comprehensive Spending Review due to be completed in October.
Announcing the appointment, Cabinet Office minister Francis Maude said:
"We are extremely fortunate to have Sir Philip, with his immense commercial experience and of course his fantastic track record at managing large organisations, on board.
"Sir Philip has made clear to the Government the importance of his business remit which has always been that efficient operating is different from cost cutting and removing jobs."
One of our hereditarty MPs, Maude, even among collegiate filth like Lansley, Hague, Letwin and Fox, had a superior knack for talking pompously out of his arse.
He has been honoured for the clarity of his judgements - Sir Philip's fantastic track record - with a seat in the Lords, amongst so many other thieving filthsters.
what they do, our laundry customers, is steal very, very large sums of money from their own countries, yes, money which should have been spent on schools and hospitals, yes, taxpayers' money, and then they hide it, I mean invest it in British properties.
Well, yes, of course, it cranks-up the price of housing for ordinary people like nurses and teachers but who gives a fuck about them?
If they'd wanted to have a home or two of their own they should've gone to Eton, like decent people do, and had their father, quite proply in my view, invest money for them in a tax haven, instead of having it stolen by the govament and given-away to wogs and single mothers.
.And yes, the only alternative is to build millions of cheap homes but who in their right mind would do that? I mean that'd simply take us back to the bad old days of full employment, proper wages and council housing. I simply say, what would happen to those people working so hard in the food banks, if we went back to proper employment and affordable housing?
There's no telling where that would lead.
You might see privately owned utilities, like the railways and water and shortly the NHS being run for the benefit of ordinary riff-raff, and not for the wealth creators.
Yes, alright, if you will, by and for Organised Crime.
not that I'm a back seat driver or anything, it would simply be not to worry your old head, too much, dearie, about the Stinky Point power thingy, whatchamaycallit, the nuclear boiler.
It'll never happen.
One of the things that she'll learn as prime minister - if she doesn't go into a diabetic hypo and die, the poor old dear, when the going gets tough - one of the things she'll learn is that quite often, nearly all the time, in fact, a govament announces all sorts of shit that's simply never gonna get off the starting chips. What? Get off the starting gate? No? Get out of the starting gate? I wish you'd make your fucking mind up. I quite clearly said that Stinky Point was never gonna get off the starting gun. Yes, exactly like the child sex fuck buggery torture'n'murder enquiry. Yes, it does keep stalling. Yes, exactly, yes, it was meant to.
Yes, long grass, quite right.
'snot as though it was anything to do with us.
I mean, she's only earned about a million and half, plus exes, of course, and quite proply, in my judgement, so there's a shortfall in her earnings of at least a coupla mill. Wossat? No, of course I don't think she should pay it back. She has, lessbeclear, done some very valuable work, going home on holiday and so on, before abandoning it altogether because of some awkward questions.
And I think the very least we can do to compensate her is make her a Lady, or somesuch. Make her Lady Dame Louella.
Whaddayamean, she already is a lady?
No, no, forgive me, but I think you're entirely wrong, there.
Dame is just her name, like Dame Kiri Tikanawa, they all have three names, down there, in the arsehole of the planet; I think you'll find that Dame's quite a common Christian name, among Kiwis. All around that part of the world, Australia and New Zealand, yes, commonwealth places that we no longer trade with, preferring the Frogs, with their over-priced and unreliable nuclear boilers, and the Hermanns, with their filthy Volkswagens.
But no, I mean, there's this Dame Louella of the kiddy-buggery enquiry; there's Dame Kiri, who's a sort of music hall turn and there's Dame Edna Everidge, the famous hissing old tranny.
See, it's just a name, Dame, like Sheila. If Dame Louella was really a Lady, she'd be called Lady Dame Louella, wouldn't she? So the very least we can do for Dame Louella is actually give her a title.
Yes, for services to people pretending to have been assaulted by their betters.
And lessbeclear, after I wasn't able - most unreasonably - to send his father to the House of Lords, the very least I could do was give Mr Will Straw a knighthood
for his utter cuntishness.
|William Burroughs, circa 1965|
de mortuis nil nisi faecum
She's dead, then. I read one of hers, once, Possession, I think it was. It was very heavy going, but that was a long time ago, before I joined my book club and learned to read literary novels and discuss them in arse-clenching detail. I could probably manage another one these days. We'll recall mr ishmael's thoughts on the Byattian oeuvre: