LABOUR'S STARS ASCEND

Jack Dromey, Jeremy Corbyn's Business Seckaterry, welcome to All Out Bollocks, with me, Adam Lard, here on skymadeupnewsandfilth.

Thanks, Adam, good to be here. 
And we're kinda family, you and me.

Oh, how's that?

Well, you're married to Anji Hunter 

 

who was Tony Blair's right-hand woman 
and I'm married to Harriet Soursister, 

 

who wasn't.

Is that why you were parachuted into a safe Labour seat, Erdington,  which was supposed be an all-women candidates list?
 Because you were married-into Labour aristocracy?

I think you'll find, Adam, that it was my credentials as a trade union worker - well,  not exactly worker -  that got me the seat.

 
Well, I am sure there are female trade unionists and the policy was clearly All-Women Shortlists, was it not?

 

 I think you'll find, Adam,  that certain constituencies could be exempted if it was deemed to be in the interests of the Party.

 But it was supposed to be in the interests of the Party and indeed of half of the population for there to be All Women Shortlists, wasn't it? 
  I mean, can you answer the fucking question or not

Why was Harriet Harman's husband forced into a constituency which was supposed to have an All Women Shortlist?

It stinks, doesn't it?

 
Well, not at all, Adam, the Party decided that it was in its interests to have me in parliament, rather than  some foul-mouthed, hairy-arsed  lesbian in a boiler suit, which, let's be frank, most of them then were.  No, I have great respect for people of the LGBTQ persuasion even supporting them myself, online.  Even though I didn't.


From the Beggars' Guardian

Motto: Comment is Free but please send us some money as we have given all ours to Alan Arsebridger and Polly Toynbee

 

By Hayley Dixon

7:47AM GMT 21 Nov 2013

Follow

A front bench Labour MP is under pressure to explain how he has "favourited" gay porn websites on his Twitter account.

Jack Dromey, the husband of Harriet Harman, the Labour Party deputy leader, has blamed the messages on a "technological mix-up".

In September, the shadow policing minister favourited a message about black porn stars having sex.

When he was challenged Mr Dromey, 65, claimed he had accidentally clicked on the message, which included the name “Paris”, while researching a romantic holiday with his wife, it was reported on political gossip website Guido Fawkes.

However, he was left facing further questions when he favourited a second explicit message last week, which showed a picture of two men engaged in a sex act.

No, I would definitely never peruse gay porn sites, Not, as I say, that there's anythuing wrong with gay porn. AS far as I know, never having seen any.
But to come to Brexit, which is specifically in my brief as Business seckaterry. I was a trade union negotiator for thirty years.....

 Before, in an act of monstrous New Labour hypocrisy. you were parachuted into a safe seat by your Mrs......

 
Before I commenced this part of my career in public service.


Well, let's turn to your skills a a negotiator.



Yes, happy to, 'swhere my strengths lie...

 you were only ever negotiating on  behalf of the NewLabour party,  cunts like Mandelstein and Byers and blind Boy Blunkett, people who were more anti-union than Thatcher and Tebbitt and all those spivs, weren't you, not on behalf of your members, you just kept telling them that the main thing was not to upset the fortunes of NewLabour, who, lets face it, couldn't give a  monkey's fuck for the Transport and General Workers Union.  That's what the Warwick Agreement was about, wasn't it, let's all get Tony Blair elected again, so's he can fuck the Labour movement up the arse.


Well, I wouldn't put it quite like that, Adam... 

And since you've been in parliament you have voted consistently for cuts in wages, cuts in public services and massive bonuses for bankers, haven't you?

And now you come on here talking shit about Brexit, talking as though you have a plan, to benefit working people, as if you give a fuck about working people or wimmen, or any other bastard, when all you've done all your worthless life is  betray your class, haven't you?

HAVEN'T YOU?

You've lied and cheated and ponced your way into comfort, security, expense account hedonism, bribes, bungs, pensions and honours whilst the Transport and General Workers Union like that cunt, Johnson's, Post Office Workers Union has been trashed by NewLabour and Tory govaments alike, you' ve used the labour movement to feather your own nest, haven't you?
 

Well, you could at least focus on my administrative skills, Adam, to be fair.


Your what? Your fucking what? 
You were  fucking Treasurer of the Labour Party, another job your Mrs got you, under  Gordon Snot, when he was taking pro-Israeli bribes  from David Abrahams and you claimed to know nothing about it. 
 Fuck all to do with me, you said, and yet you were the fucking Treasurer and your wife was the Deputy fucking Leader.
You're even worse than that fucking jumped-up postman, Alan Johnson,  the famous cuckold, at least when that fuckwit Miliband made him chancellor he admitted he hadn't got a fucking clue, couldn't do his two times fucking table and went out and bought himself a dummies guide to arithmentic.  
 All you could do was say I dunno nuffink about hundreds of thousands of pounds in bribes sloshing around in the funds that you were in charge of.



So, as a union boss you shafted your members on behalf of your wife's boss, Blair; you shit all over the advancement of women in the parliamenmtary Labour party, you voted consistently for cuts in public services, wages and conditions, whilst taking massive salary increases yourself,
you took bungs from lobbyists whilst an MP
 
 and now, full of weasel words and I-Know-Bestism. you wanna shit on the democratic decision of the Euro Referendum.

Well, Adam, I think you'll find.....


Oh, do fuck off, Dromey.
I have to talk to some vermin on this show but you are something else. 
We're going to a short break now, viewers, probably some fucking ghouls talking about cancer and then some adverts for funerals and probably that vile cunt, Parkinson, on how poor people should make provisions for when they die. 
On the bright side  when we come back we'll have had security escort this piece of shit Dromey from the building.
Stay tuned.

DO YA DO YA DO YA DO YA WANNA DANCE? REVISITED.

Good evening.

 

 And welcome to News as Treason.

 And we're joined in the studio by the man who would be Queen,

 I mean King. 

Some call him the Space Cowboy, 
some call him the Gangster of Love; 
 that ishmael chap calls him the Foxtrotting Nitwit 
but we know him as Sir Vince Cable.

That's Doctor Sir Vince, Emily,

 always best to get these things right, dearie. 

Oops, waddamIlike? 

OK,  Doctor Sir Vince, former Coalition Business Seckaterry, you've thrown your, I must say, quite wonderful hat 

 

into the ring in the contest for the leadership  of the Federation of Dogshooters, Queerbashers, ChildMolesters, ShitEaters,  ToiletLingerers, Perjurers and Conspirators Against The Course of Justice....

And Pledge Breakers, don't forget that;
 best, Emily, as I said, to get these things right, and actually, it's Tory-supportingPledge Breakers, to be accurate.
 I think you'll find most Progressive politicians are Tory, these days.
 I mean, Jeremy Corbyn? 
Magic Money Tree? 
Need I say more?

Do you have a manifesto, 
Dr Sir Vince, for your leadership bid?

Well (in pained, testy, I-Know-Best tones) the first thing we must do is review the position of the voters...

What, other party members...?

No, no, of course not,
 the other voters,
 the ones out there,
 who have been such a disappointment. 
 I mean, just because people were born here, have worked all their lives here,  have paid taxes here, have fought for civil rights, have taught and helped shape the nation,  have perhaps borne arms and fought for this country, doesn't mean that they should always have a vote in our elections. 
 I mean, all these old people voting for events which won't effect them, 
it is absolutely indefensible. 
And that's why I'm standing,
 to represent the young people.

But you're over seventy.......

Please let me finish without constantly interrupting me. 

Thank you.
 Not only will we scrap the right of people over thirty to vote at all, thus at a stroke creating a fairer, more liberal Britain.......

But this is tyranny isn't it, the death of universal suffrage, of representative democracy...

(wearily) Well, that, frankly, is what I would expect of Newsnight. And no, frankly, it's not tyranny, it is simply a matter of  Progressive policy adjustment.  
If you continue to allow the vote to people who fail to take the advice of those who know better than them.....

 

You mean you?

Well, as the leader-to-be of the most Progressive of parties that is exactly who I mean, who else would I mean, that ninny, Susan Farron?

 

Well, apart from disenfranchising the majority........

Oh, no, no, no, dearie, it's not about just preventing the wrong people voting. 
It's about when  even the right people vote wrongly the result of such an election will be reviewed by a panel of the Great and the Good.

You mean you? 

 

Well, dearie, if my hat fits, don't you think I should wear it..... the result, anyway, will be reviewed by a panel of the Great and Good and corrected. 
This will save a great deal of money as we shall no longer have to keep having referenda until we get the right decision.

It's Progressive Democracy.

So I hope that's settled  my constitutional position but a truly progressive party such as mine will not stop there. 

It is high time for drastic change in social policy....

Such as? 

Well, and not before time, I should say, in my judgement,  we will drastically restrict the right to marriage, making it available  to homosexuals only. 
And transexuals of course.
 I mean, it's simply indefensible that the heterosexual minority has hogged marriage all to itself, all these centuries, and it is high time, in my judgement, that they stopped having their own way.

Straight people, in other words, will not be allowed to marry?

Not allowed to marry, not allowed to vote and they will be taxed at a higher rate than ordinary, decent LGBTQ folks.
It's called Progressive Liberal Democracy.

Europe?

Well, of course, once we have remedied the catastrophic Brexit result, of which, I must say, all those who voted for it were simply too stupid to understand what they were doing and so their votes shouldn't count; once we're back to normal we will, of course. give  the foreited  UK voting rights to all the homosexuals and other progressive types in Europe, the Inkies and Uglies, and allow them to properly influence our country as they want.

And the economy?

Well, as I never tire of saying about anyone who disagrees with Progressive Austerity, there is (wearily)  simply no magic money tree, there is no magic money tree, well, look, there is no magic money tree, that's Corbynism, that is, the magic money tree, pure and simple, Corbynism, that's what it's all about, there simply is no magic money tree.

And that's your economic policy?

Well, now, dearie, 

 

speaking as a Tory myself,  
you know I have to agree with Missus Andrea Wotsaname; 
 you really aren't very patriotic, are you? 

 I mean, do you know who I am? 

 Do you know that I personally have saved more bankers than anyone else?


So there was a magic money tree for the bankers, then?


 Well, (irritatedly) of course there was. 
 There can't be one for disabled people, say, because they don't make anything.


And bankers make....? 

Well, bankers make money for us.


 Well, more accurately they don't make it, they just borrow it into existence and lend it on to people who can't afford to pay it back, isn't that right Dr Sir Vince, all money comes from the Magic Money Tree; it's just that not everybody can stand underneath it, otherwise there'd be no point in being rich, like you, would there,  if everyone was rich?


Well, dearie, in my judgement, history will be kinder to George Bukkake and David PigFuck and myself than you might think.

 It was a tough call to make but I didn't shrink from it.

 It's what you'd expect from a knight and a doctor. 


Burning the wheelchairs, closing the libraries and increasing the Bankers' bonuses at a rate diametrically opposed to their honesty.  Its called Progressive, liberal  politics, dearie, robbing the poor to give to the rich.

That was Sir Vince Cable there, for us.  
Yeah, past the old cunt's bedtime. 
Now, there's proper patriotism for you.