Friday 29 April 2016


Well, yes, I think I can do this one quite swiftly, I am now an expert in these matters, y'know, ragheads, and why killing them in large numbers is actually  a very good thing for world peace.  Yes, quite,  I can't discuss Mr Blair,

 obviously, not yet, it's only been, what is it, five years?  Six? Fucked if I know, it'll take as long as it takes for those mentioned to get their stories straight, yes People like Mr Jack Torture, 
who, let's face it, has already paid a huge price for being an utter cunt, 

I mean for a trivial misjudgement. he should have been in the House of Lords, by now, should Mr Torture but he's been delayed, and is still having to buy his own food and drink.  

 And his own stamps.  Imagine. 
 Oh, I shouldn't think it'll be too long before he gets in,
  just as soon as we can get rid of Mr Corbyn and get a proper politician running Labour again, y'know, a decent Tory, yes, like most of them. But first we have to give him time to reply to my criticisms.  

I can explain everything.

How long?  
 Oh, as long as he wants, really.

But this dreadful young woman, well, I think I should be able to report in, say, thirty minutes or so, probably not even as long as that, Firstly, she's a raghead,
 so that's one strike against her; 
 secondly she's not the right sort of Labour and thirdly, 
she said the J word, which we are not allowed to,
 ever since Mr Blair made it a crime.
Earl Blair and his Wondrous Hat of Money.

So, there we are, then, 
Muslim bint guilty as charged with whatever it was. 
 That'll be three hundred thousand pounds, please.


Mike said...

Is Chilcot still alive? If he died then that would mean a new enquiry, surely?

I'm not racist, but....there does seem to be an increasing number of muslims in the HoC & HoL (and the country) - I suppose it makes a change from Jews.

We are seeing more Indians and chinks in Sydney of late. I'm feeling like a minority.

call me ishmael said...

I was reading, mr mike, that the average Indian age is 28, whilst in Europe it is 45 and there are three times as many of them. A good thing then that we have policies which mean we only allow-in the nice doctors whom we need and the rest of them have to stay there, blessing themselves in the sewer waters of the Ganges, like good little natives do.

A billion and a half, nuclear-armed, bright-eyed wannabes. And that's not to mention the Chinks, with whom we have absoutely nothing in common and who are, in my estimation, horrible, hissing, dog-eating bastards with too many teeth for their mouths.
Still, as long as we have sensible immigration policies, managed by the likes of the Theresa, the Dancing Queen, May; that'll keep the fuckers in their rice paddies, meditating on Confucius, up to their knees in muddy water.

We have seen the best of days, mr mike, we band of Boomer brothers and sisters, but the water wars, the land wars, the energy wars and the food wars marshal their forces, just over the horizon, and the Sun is going down on the Anglo-Saxon, here, there and everywhere.

Mike said...

Sadly, Mr I, I have to concur. In 50 years I hate to think of where it will all be. The only solace is: I will be dead.

Alphons said...

How has Tony been able to been able to stay alive for so long?

call me ishmael said...

Worlds, mr mike, they rise and fall and the Barbarians are not only at the gate, they are in the fucking Senate, running things; I expect they will, in plenty of time, take ship to some impregnable Sybaris, they and their spawn, their whores and rentboys.

In fifty years time, the cities may well be submerged or impossibkly diseased; we have seen the best of times, the economic nomads are welcome to the ruins.

call me ishmael said...

He goes from strength to strength, m alphons, never running out of despots and murderers to pay he and Imelda to legitimise them, although I do feel that the fates will wrongfoot him, one day, and he will wind-up with something sharp and hot and arabic up his arse, bismillah, salaam eleikum, peace be upon him.

Doug Shoulders said...

Tony has loads of friends who all have a particular set of skills. They’re with him wherever he goes.
Tony has to buy friends..but his particular set of skills means that he doesn’t pay for them …we do.

Didn’t I read somewhere that the fall of empires is consistent with integration of less well-heeled brethren?

mongoose said...

We need to keep our eyes on the facts - although true they are UN facts at their root.

Which is to say that the world is more equal, the developing world more developed, the poor are less poor. It is a long road but everyone is on it, and the poor are in the fast lane.

And this is the hope for the Anglo-Saxon in his tower - everyone else is building his own tower. Watch Hans graphs and you will see that almost half the world has multiplied its income relative (to us) by a factor of 10 since I was born, their children as healthy as mine, their families as small. So much for inequality. And this is the root of our current post-colonial upset. The fuckers left in charge after the retreat from colonialism have to have their nasty fingers pried off the throats and purse-strings of their own peoples. This if history shows us anything ends up being done by violence. I sometimes think we would be better off in the long run with the lid off rather than the lid on. Which leads us on to...

Chilcot? Is he doing that Hillsborough enquiry thing where David Kelly cut his own head off with a penknife while Hamilton was across the room shooting himself 101 times with three different guns? It will all be lies. A post-referendum circus. Move along now.

Woman on a Raft said...

Surely that is Elton John? About whom you were right.

SG said...

I feel that you are being a little uncharitable towards Sir John, Mr I. No easy task - the soaking, the rinsing, the boil washing, the soaking, the rinsing, the boil washing... Ad infinitum.... the garment held up to the light and then the nose... but those stubborn blood stains, why they just won't shift and then there's still the all pervading stench of death. But wait a waft of sweet perfume - the smell of money....No I don't envy his task.... In fact, I fear that he may die at his post.

Mike said...

Mr SG: the problem for Chilcot, I suspect, is that he has found the smoking gun. He knows that if he has found it, others will, and/or it will be leaked - thus trashing what he believes is his lifetimes work and reputation.

He's on the horns of a dilemma. He probably realises his only way out is death.

Dick the Prick said...

Wasn't Chilcot just some run of the mill uncivil servant...checks Mr Wiki....yep, Permanent Under-Sec fannying about in the Homo Office and Narvern Oirland - distinguished only by his longevity. Maybe he really is just taking the piss - if he is on the reported grand a day and has for the last 30 years just been tossing it off, waiting for retirement only to be asked to Chair yet another cover-up; maybe he just thought, fuck that - nice little earner, those useless cunts can dance to my tune, Marjorie's always wanted to sail round the Med so may as well do it in works' time. He's kinda fucked whatever the report says so it'd be stoopid if he didn't buy the grandkids a nice house when every fuck he interviewed earned their crust flogging Israeli drones to some nice, misunderstood despots.

Glad to have you back Mr Smith - seems you have a rather hectic time of it!

tdg said...

They are everywhere, these immigrants, I even wake up every morning to find one in the mirror.

call me ishmael said...

It is remarkable, mr dick, how many Great'n'Goods we have, stashed away for enquiry duty, one minute you're just some crummy judge like Brian Leveson and then you get announced and within a few days we accord you the wisdom of fucking Solomon, even though, just like the last one and the next one, your only skill is in blowing smoke up the public arse.

I was struck, the other night, watching Henry V, again, by the way the Agincourt dead were numbered by Princes and Dukes and Knights and Gentlemen and thousands of others of no good name. Chilcot and Leveson, I suppose, would be knights, reporting to us, the people of no good name. Aye, right.

I dunno, can anyone think of any enquiry chair who has nailed the culprits' foreskins to the workbench?

Anonymous said...

I'm glad you're back, Mr Ishmael.

Truth has a nasty habit of seeping out of the cracks between lies. No amount of flim-flam will ever convince me that Blair did not intentionally deceive both Parliament and the people about Iraq on a scale that ought to see him shot, in a sane world. Let's not forget that Michael Howard played a very significant part in sanctioning military intervention, Her Majesty's Leader of the Opposition, doing precisely zero opposing.


Mike said...

Mr Vincent: you are correct, factually, but some colour needs to be added to the picture.

It seems clear that Blair had already agreed the invasion with Bush; Campbell, the willing lap dog, spun it with the press to please his master, and the press duly lapped it up. I even remember some mad labour bint saying Saddam was feeding babies into wood chippers. The "intelligence" services were also complicit in the dodgy dossier, and gave it credibility - up till that point the public believed in the intelligence services.

Absent the resources of Government, there was bugger all Howard could do - but it doesn't excuse him trying and going the populist route.

yardarm said...

It was Duncan Smith who was 'Leader ' of the 'Opposition ' when Tony Warcriminal told his pack of lies, although Howard no doubt supported it when he succeeded the useless bald prick later in `03. I think Spunkstain Stiff`s ' plan ' was to out toady Warcriminal to prove to the half wit Dubya and his unsavoury band of looters and cranks that he would be a more trustworthy little Quisling kneepads creeper.

Given Warcriminal`s talent for invertebrate bum sucking to wealth and power that, along with much else, was utterly beyond the clownish Smith and he would have to wait a few years yet before Top Hat Boy gave him the chance to tip some cripples out of their wheelchairs.

Anonymous said...

It was IDS, gentlemen, you are correct.

I was remembering the big play for the cameras, and more likely Hansard, by Michael Howard, in parliament, calling for Blair's head over the Iraq debacle, after he became leader, even though he was part of the cabal of tories that were privy to the 'dossier'.

He also took several hundred thousand pounds to pardon a scouse drug-dealer when Home Sec. Allegedly.

They really are, all of them, utter scum.


Anonymous said...

"How has Tony been able to been able to stay alive for so long?"
Because he's always accompanied in public by up to twelve armed lantern-jawed hard-cases, paid for by the taxpayer at a bargain price of 16,000 pounds per week.
Money well spent.

call me ishmael said...

Howard or IDS, it was clear at the time that appetites for illegal invasion had been whetted on all sides, doubtless by Uncle Sam and those so-called Friends of Israel who are now trying so hard to destabilise what little bit of democracy still clings to the Labour party; that all are scum, mr vincent, is axiomatic, and yet so many of us are suckered by skymadeupnewsandfilth and the Peeb and the jackals of the sewer press into believing that we can discern a meaningful difference between any of them, if only we permit our guidance by the likes of Simon Heffer and Toilets Maguire, a pair of sluts who would lick Murdoch's sperm from a dog's arsehole, in exchange for a few quid, and tell us they were doung it for Freedom. I suppose Maguire is the worst, at least Fat Heffer makes no bones about his redneck greed; Toilets, despite being Murdoch's Man at the Mirror still claims to be of the Left.

I saw that cunt Murnaghan - poached from a terrestrial filth outlet to be, if my memory serves me, SkyNews's bit of beefcake, although mrs ishmael sometimes looks at me occasionally as though I am inventing these things. Murnaghan, anyway, discussing, this morning, the assumption as though it were fact, that anyone countering the views of the Israeli propaganda ministry is clearly a rabid Nazi, and then, just now, I saw Mark Regev, formerly of that very ministry, Israel's former spokesman for atrocity and infanticideand now the Israeli ambassador to oursdelves, slandering the Labour party as though it was part of his diplomatic mission, the cheeky fucking bastard, he'd be ob etn first flight back to the Promised land if I had anythung to do with it, and we'd have UN invigilators of the upcoming elections.

I see the Frogs have got the right idea, as usual, taking to the boulevards with fire ing their bellies and in their hands, Frankie Hollande, as big a cunt as any. Here, at home, it's footie AND snooker. And what's more importasnt than those, eh, I mean, doesn't get much better, does it?

Anonymous said...

I think we should have a different form of democracy where M.P.s pay for all their expenses out of their salaries. After all it is they who want to be in the lime light and indulge in lying fests.

the noblest prospect said...

Glad to have you back, Mr Smith. You have a couple of bob on McManus?

Anonymous said...

Speaking of footie, Mr Ish, the cliche-meme that is the hive-mind's misconception of the term "surreal" was in full-effect in the vox pops from sunny Leicester last night. Jamie Vardy being sodomised by a train of tone-deaf lobsters singing La Marsellaise would be surreal; Leicester winning the league is a bit of a surprise.

And in other news - you'll love this - a charidee single's in the offing: " stars including Lesley Garrett, Rick Astley and Jodie Prenger join forces with a choir of families whose loved ones went missing for a charity single to help raise awareness of some of the UK's missing children - including Madeleine."


call me ishmael said...

Thanks, mr tnp, and no, I only gamble with my life

call me ishmael said...

Yes, I've noticed that surreal misuse of surreal, mr verge. Incredible, too; things are no longer surprising, the mildest variation from the usual is incredible and I once heard a gradute probation officer describe something mundane as unbelievably incredible.

Now, that raising of awareness of litte wotsername, that is surreal.