Wednesday 20 January 2016


Oh, happy day, Sarah Palin is back. 

 I remember lolling out-loud, month after month, at Obama, Codger McCain and  the Alaskan SoccerMum 

 Shit, boy, I can see his ass from my back porch, 'cross them straits, what they called, agin, StraitsaDover, is it? 

whose son  is called Track

 -  the other one's called Trig 


- and who, after being attacked by animal rights activists over this family pet  photo,

uttered the funniest thing I ever heard from a politican, 

 "If any vegans came over for dinner, I could whip them up a salad, then explain my philosophy on being a carnivore: 
 If God haddena wanted us to eat animals he woodena made them outa  meat "

Please, God, if it's not Bernie Sanders,  let these two be President 

and Veep

And let Eskimo Nell come to Scotland, best part of England,  at her boss's  behest, hunting our own po-faced midget horror, Gnasher.

 Scotland's first fetish minister, Naughty Miss Gnasher, models her husband's favourite night attire.

What?  Alec Salmond cosying-up tae yon Donald Trunp?
Never, that's just pure Project Fear, that is, naysayin' from yon Tory scoundrels. 
 Anybody who disnae vote SNP is a Tory Scoundrel.

The former first minister never had nothing tae do wi'  the racist, Donald Trump,  

much less allow him tae bulldoze a world heritage site and bully, abuse and evict decent people who'd been livin' there fer ages; 
 nae,  that was yon Tories, 

This from Alex Massie in the Spectator, recently:

The tick-tock went like this:

Thursday 29th November 2007, Aberdeenshire council’s infrastructure committee dismissed Trump’s application.

Monday 3rd December, the Trump organisation decides not to appeal the decision.

Also on Monday 3rd December, Alex Salmond meets Trump’s representatives in Aberdeen. Salmond, the local MSP, also calls the Scottish government’s chief planning officer.

Tuesday 4th December, Scottish government calls in the application, citing “issues of importance that require consideration at a national level”. The precise nature of these issues is never made clear. Nor is it ever made clear why a still-live planning application needed to be decided by central government before local government had even finished with it.

To no-one’s surprise, however, the Scottish government gives the plans two big thumbs-up. Trump will build two golf courses, a couple of dozen ‘executive villas’ and 950 holiday homes. As Salmond says: “I mean, 6,000 jobs across Scotland, 1,400 local and permanent jobs here in the north-east of Scotland – that’s a very powerful argument which outweighs the environmental concerns.” 

[Actual number of homes built, as of 2015: zero. Number of jobs created: fewer than 200. Hmmm.]

Still, back then Trump had the measure of Alex Salmond: He’s an amazing man. […] I know for a fact that he – and anyone else who’s representing Scotland, unless they’re the enemy – wants billions of pounds to come into Aberdeenshire and Scotland.”

an' as fer yon oil business, 

he very firmly predicted that the price would fall by seventy five per cent 

but that it wouldnae matter because an independent Scotland  could support itself on, well, widdever he said it could, aye, up in the sky, 

aye, wi' the fairies. 
All lies, this talka an oil price crisis.

SNP referendum oil figures '13 times higher than reality'

New figures published by the Office for Budget Responsibility show the North Sea is only expected to generate £600 million next year, compared to the SNP's prediction of £7.9 billion.






The SNP's White Paper on independence predicted oil revenues of up to £7.9 billion next year
The SNP's White Paper on independence predicted oil revenues of up to £7.9 billion next year Photo: Getty Images
The extraordinary extent to which the SNP inflated North Sea oil revenues during the independence referendum has been disclosed by official figures predicting they will be more than 90 per cent lower than the Nationalists claimed.
The impartial Office for Budget Responsibility (OBR) dramatically revised down its predictions for how much oil and gas will generate for the rest of the decade, projecting the sector will only generate £600 million in 2016/17.
But the Scottish Government’s White Paper on independence predicted that between £6.8 billion and £7.9 billion would flow into the public purse in that year, when the SNP said Scotland would become independent, up to 13 times more.
Alex Salmond and Nicola Sturgeon also promised referendum voters that another “oil boom” was on the horizon, but the OBR said revenues are set to fall to 0.05 per cent of national wealth in 2015/16, the lowest figure in 40 years.
Although the sharp drop is partly thanks to the collapse in the oil price, which happened after the referendum, the OBR also pointed to high operating and investment costs and declining production.
The Unionist parties said the projections badly damaged the Scottish Government’s economic credibility and they demonstrated that a Yes vote last September would have meant billions of pounds of public spending cuts.
Annual North Sea revenues are not expected to increase above £800 million for the rest of the decade but oil would need to generate around £8 billion per year – ten times as much – to maintain currently spending levels in a separate Scotland.

But what is important tae Scotland is not the Aberdeen people sufferin' a Clearance,  like the last, but this time at the handsa their ain first minister, an' it's nae the lossa  thousands  a jobs. Whit's pure important is that lotsa my voters're mooslims, and Mr Trump has said harsh things aboot them, aye an' some a my MPs'er Muslims, too, an this is their chance tae talk shite, doon there, in MediaMinster, jus' like they give a fuck. 

But whit aboot if he did become first minister of America? Whit aboot if he poot a cripplin' an' prohibitive tax on Scotch whisky, an' Harris Tweed jackets an' smoked salmon? Well, first of all there's no way he would be elected, aye, like there was no way the oil price could ever possibly fall, and second, if he is elected and does all them things, well, that'll be, like everthin' , the faulta them Tory parties and they'll have tae pay us more money, in Scotland.  Aye, it's either that or the fairies.

Mr and Mrs WellyFetish, £250k a year, plus exes, pensions, cars travel homes and food.

Disnae matter tae me and Mr Gnasher, we're minted, so we are, pure minted.

Oil revenues ninety per cent lower than they insisted they would be and what we get is wellies and radio shows.
Trump, racist;  and how would we describe the Tribesmen, festering in hatred of fifty-five million of their next-door neighbours?
Crooks, liars, bullies and fools and they have the gall to lampoon Trump.


SG said...

Sarah Palin hunting down Gnasher? Now that really would be evidence for the existence of 'God' and, better still, a God with a sense of humour!

yardarm said...

The arse falling out of the oil price wouldn`t have troubled MacMugabe, Mr Ishmael. He`d still have been dancing around Holyrood in the Skirt of State. He`d have imposed the balliffs, those young bloke SNP activists who posed in skirts and woad, like some kind of block warden ( apparently we`re getting them here in the guise of Police Community Support or some such bollocks) and harassing decent folk such as yourself.

call me ishmael said...

That may yet come, mr yardarm, and if it does, some skirtman, requisitioning people's property, in the NewQueen's name; oh, such sharpened stick fun.

call me ishmael said...

It is within the realms of the possible, mr sg, the tax barriers bit, certainly.

SG said...

God that Sarah Palin quote about the vegans is a gem Mr I! Jesus, and I feel the need to call upon God's help again (which is no small thing for an atheist), but I think I'm in love with her...

call me ishmael said...

Been hooting about it, all day, makes Hillary Trousers look like rat poison.

mongoose said...

Unfortunately, I clicked the link of the Palin endorsement this morning with insufficient coffee in me. Dear God, let it be so! But it will be a dark humour after the first day or two.

Anonymous said...

And btw I forgot to mention - google "shale gas reserves in Scotland" any time you're in need of a laugh. Poor Gnasher is toast.

Mike said...

Trump can't be any worse than the purple lipped Kenyan mulatto. I'm looking forward to him strutting like a rooster, upsetting the hens. The truth is that Uncle Sam is a busted flush. Ever since the failure in Vietnam they have thrashed about to assert their hegemony, invariably creating a fuck up. And they wonder why the world hates them. I wouldn't bet on the fat lesbian/transgender/gay troops of the US against Iran, never mind Russia or China. We are witnessing a changing of the guard.

call me ishmael said...

Indeed we are. I can only speculate but the circumstances favour Trump for the Republicans and if he can match the Clintons' bribe fund he can stomp on her, she's just a bitter old crook, anyone can see. MediaMinster, here, wants us to believe that Hills and Spunky Bill are a shoo-in but they know nothing, Jim Callaghan and the Guardian famously mocking a meeting with some Georgian peanut farmer who wanted to be president and everyone deriding the idea of a B-movie actor in the White House, until he was, with his loony wife and her astrologers. I do believe that Trump and Palin and whoever they employ could repeat the Poundland surge -4 million votes - and the Tribesmen's triumph. It is very interesting, what conventional Washington politicking has wrought. What's the view in Australia, they cannot be as offended by Trump as so many here pretend to be, can they? Be interesting to know what Ucle Sam's New Airstrip One makes of it's potential new masters.

Mike said...

Down here, I guess we will do what we are told to by Uncle Sam, though not with any enthusiasm. Like keep looking for MH17 in the southern ocean, when we have the most powerful radar in the world watching SE Asia, and we know its a fools errand.

Its a bit hot here in Sydney (touching 40 deg) to be rational, but as I think I said before, we don't see many yanks down here, thankfully, and we could easily switch sides to China if/when the brown stuff hits the blades.

I don't mix widely beyond those who share similar views to me (disclaimer) but amongst those I play golf with, well, hell, Trump could be one of us. He's a golfer, uses the same tone as we do re the heathens, when we are within the sanctity of the course.

Only yesterday I was chatting with my neighbour; before I could attack him with a tsunami of facts, he already offered the view that the current worldwide fuck up was down to the Mercans. Good bloke.

On balance, I would say that there is no real love for the US, but since Australia was shafted by the UK, we have had to kiss their fat asses to ensure our security. We are a bit bigger and grown up now though.

call me ishmael said...

that's intersting, I would have bet that to people of a certain age and status Trump would light a lot of bulbs. down there, athough I was surprised by the suggestion of an alliance with the Chinks, given that you have just become another garrison country for Uncle Sam but I am sure that China isn't the China of my imagination, it's global representatives being wealthy and sophisticated. I didn't know that search was continuing, I would have thought there were better searches to be undertake, like the one for Madeleine McCann, time for Down Under to chip-in for Gerry and Cilla. What did happen to that aircraft, by the way?

I guess, in passing that lots and lots of French people will be enamoured of Trump, too, maybe Germans and if he should be elected the multi-cultural, liberal, welfare consensus, like Project Europa, will be lying in the dust.

There was another William Tenn story, called Eastward Ho! in which the native American was recolonising the East Coast, taking it back from the whites who had been, by nuclear holocaust, made savage, and putting them on reservations. we may yet see something similar happening with Blighty and her former colonies, should money, subterfuge and serfdom fail our masters.

it isn't just the masters, though, is it? As you say, the breeding stock is diminished below the point of no return.

Mike said...

Australia has more history with the chinks than the yanks; the coolies built our railways, and they have been diving for pearls off the NW coast for centuries. They have a 3000 plus years civilisation, as do the Persians, though its de rigeur to demonise them right now.

We have way more chinks in Sydney than yanks, and they are a hard working polite part of the community.

If you asked me who I am more at risk from: the chinks, persians or yanks - well the answer is simple.

call me ishmael said...

Yes, I know a tiny, tiny bit about their ancient culture, the Chinks, but I thought that post-Mao's Cultural Revolution it was all very different. I knew some LSE Maoists, a way back, and they were fucking awful an d have stereotyped my view. I always laugh at Uncle Sam, the new savage on the block, calling Persia uncivilised, don't read much classics, I shouldn't think, fat stupid fucks. There was a good deal of tension, a littl;e while ago about events in one opf the seas, one of the islands, can't remember now, when US and Chinese nations were sizing each other up, was it Formosa? All quiet now, I guess, on the Oriental Front, although that is why you lot have been tooled-up. And I guess that your politicians will be owned, too, by Uncle.

Five am, here, goodnight and thanks, mr mike.

call me ishmael said...

navies, not nations.

Mike said...

Goodnight Mr I, a pleasure to chew the cud.

tdg said...

No truly disinterested anthropologist could fail to admire Palin: her Americanity is so wonderfully unbridled, the primitive, wild animal that it is. Clinton, if you look carefully, is just Palin with a gimp mask. We know, anyhow, who is closer to Melville, Hawthorne, etc.

Alphons said...

I blame the Northern Lights....and that funny pop.

call me ishmael said...

Yes, a ripened Miss America, in a Davy Crockett hat, with an assault rifle; how could they not love her? If she and Trump could somehow appeal to the hyphenated Americans - the Afro-s etc., they'd be home and dry.

call me ishmael said...

Been disappointing, so far, up here, the Merry Dancers, mr alphons, nothing to write home about.

Doug Shoulders said...

Did she really say that?...Priceless.
“Yes there is a vegetarian choice… You can fuck off”

call me ishmael said...

Doesn't matter if she did or not, mr doug, she might have.