THIS SPORTING LIFE.

THE THIEFA WORLD CUP

A TOURNAMENT 
AWARDED TO THIEVES BY THIEVES, 

COMPETED FOR BY TEAMS OF GANG-RAPING, 

COKE-SNORTING CELEBRITIES

The PBC's Team Brazilia,

three dummies and a questionmaster.

 And nation shall speak shite unto nation.

The trouble with these poor people, ordinary Brazilians, rioting and what not, is that they shouldn't mix politics with our money, I mean  our sport, don't you agree, panel?

Aye, yower not wrong there, Gary, me man. I mean all them lads is tryin' to do is do a good job fer their country, like I were when I kept falling doon, like, in't penalty box and pretendin' some cunt 'ad kicked me over, never worked, like, burawasdoinitfermecountry. An' the lads are doin' it  fer their country. And fer their own careers, too, like, you know, in advertising or sponsorship or even in foo'ball - an they're 'avin to contend wi' nig-nogs, like, - cos that's wot they are, lessbefair, no offence  to you two lads, yer almost 'onorary Englishmen, after all, Rio and Thierry - disruptin' things and rioting, like, just because they got no 'ouses or jobs or 'ealthcare while their govament is spending billions on footy fer rich folks to watch.  I mean, they got no sense a proportion, 'ave they?  I mean, I allus say, Gary,  that ye canna trust a nation where 'alf the wimmen's got great big shiny cocks  between their legs, where there oughter be a Berkshire, can you? Ladymen, cannae abide them, me.  That Alan Hansen,

 allus had me doots aboot that one.....

That's right, Alan, poverty, neglect, exploitation and oppression, they  shouldn't be allowed to interfere with the heautiful game.  And as for the nig-nog street kiddies being hungry, well what's wrong with us sending them all a great big donation of out-of-date potato crisps, hasn't done me any harm.

What, eat 'em?  Fuck no, they're really bad for you, fat, starch, salt.  Top athletes, like m'self, we  don't get where we are by eating shit like this.  No,  but they're OK for the kids, course they are.  It's like anything, moderation's the word, probly no more than three or four bags a day.

And Rooney,  whaddawethink about Rooney, Thierry?

Eef 'e can play, 'e should play.  Eet may be on thee left. Or on thee other side. But 'e should play.  Mebbe 'e can score, maybe not. That ees thee thing.  Eef I was thee manager I would play 'im.  Or not play 'im.   

An' me,  Gary,  I would, an' all, I'd play him but I'd play 'im on the left, he's got great wotsaname, 'as Rooney,  'e's a reet bonny lad.  Or in the middle, I'd play him there, an' all.  He can score goals, can Rooney.  It's just that 'e doesn't.  That's the only problem wi' the team, like, 'sthat they dinna score any goals, not enough like, anyroad, not as many as the other fuckers.  And that's where I think the real proble lies, Gary.

Thanks, Alan Shearer, for that.  And while we're waiting for the next match, here's some football.