Monday 3 June 2013


There was a rugby player, back in the Dizzy days of Di. We do not know if he was, so to speak, HRH-ing her. Granted, he was neither muslem nor  medico  but like her husband he was  nosebleedingly, congenitally stupid, so he was in with a chance. Unfortunately for humanity, indeed the Cosmos, Diana was taken from us before this particular rugby scandal and thus robbed of her opportunity to selflessly go and rub noses with the sick and the crooked, for which, in her time with the Firm, she had developed all the  right skills.

A proper, knuckle-dragging, brawn-bound, charmless orangutang of a man, this sporty type was. DeLollypop was his name, I believe and what happened was that one of Murdoch's bumboys pretended to be a celebrity in search of Bolivian Marching powder, could DeLollypop help?  Help? I can get such good Charlie that you'll all run Hadrian's wall in about fifteen minutes, doing deals and networking and all masturbating like thirteen  year-old
boys. But sadly for thicko DeLollypop, it was a sting. 

The world of celebrity rugby,  though, soon rallied round.  Entrapment, they said it was, Good Old Lollypop didn't deal drugs.  Only when people asked him to.  And that's a whole nother thing.  A massive effort was  made to rehabilitate the involuntary dealer  and since he was a jolly good chap, a good all-rounder, enjoyed a pint or two with the lads - only not a line or two -  and had been a great national captain, the shameless, snivelling arsehole was soon back up there, doing charity work and collecting gongs. 

Decent, hardworking  proper drug dealers are still, incidentally, goung to jail, whilst their clients - people like young parent, Lady Sir Elton John, are soireed and Sirred in Downing Street by filth like Tony and Imelda.  It is only poor people or the unconnected who cause the drug problem.  Had the oaf, DeLollypop, been some oik off the street, of course, he would have got maybe seven years, theoretically fourteen but All's Well That Ends Well.  That's how it is  in the world of ShowBiz,  the world of Savile and his many chums.

Paddy Mercer must be hoping for an equally shifty disposal of his case;  he, too, claims that he was entrapped, entrapped into trousering money that he knew he shouldn't have touched and entrapped into  violating the trust placed in him by foolish voters.  But  even though these were big bads, the fact remains that he was entrapped. And that is why  he will cling on to his seat and pay and expenses, smokescreening and huffing and puffing about his great lifelong commitment to public service.  

As Cameron says, he has done the right thing, for himself. You have to wonder, actually, if one so easily bent by  a few quid, so slatternly, so contemptuous of parliament  and electorate ever once did the right thing.
I always wonder when I seee pictures like these, of some poor arab hobnail-booted to death by a gang  of screeching Tommy psycho-fairies, I wonder just what the fuck their officers were playing at?

None of these men were combatants, not as if that would have made this better. They were just unlucky enough to encounter members of HM Regiment of Sadists, getting their kicks. In the Army.
But you only need to see a few seconds of the Mercer tape to realise what their officers were up to.  I suppose that if they were any good,  their men  wouldn't have scurried out of Iraq and Aff-gan, yes and Ulster, beaten and ridiculed, yet home to a drummed-up heroes' welcome

The man's a piece of cheesy filth, Mercer. He sould lose his job immediately and have his collar felt. But seeing what happened - or didn't happen - to rogue ministers, Liam Fox and William Miscarriage - he won't.  It's almost enough to make me write to my MP but he's at least as bad, if not worse. Just like yours.

This is a bit of selective fun and mischief from the Filth-O-Graph and the PBC, as if either of them were in the position to lecture us on right and wrong.  When they expose the whole rotten shitbag of Mediaminster, well,  that'll be the day.



yardarm said...

You read all sorts of things about the army/security services etc torturing all over the place; Northern Ireland, the Mau Mau uprising, Cyprus, Aden. And now with the fastidious gentry of MI5/6standing by while some trusty subcontractor thugs administer an exemplary hiding to rendered Al Qaeda suspects.

Perhaps this happened to one of those Woolwich guys in Kenya and, well, the bastard was already over the edge but it would have sent him further down the precipice. Consequences.

Consequences are a factor which have eluded the laughable Hague, reading from the Foreign Office script which says ingratiate us with the rebels, however extreme, our Saudi allies are sending support, the Pakistanis men and munitions: fuck, the fastidious gentry are already in the camps in Turkey and Jordan, handing out the AK47s.

And after Syria, where do these armed nutterbastards go next ? Round and round it goes: where it stops, who the fuck knows.

jgm2 said...

I think it was Will Carling who was knobbing Di. I'm not sure if Delaglio ever got a turn or was ever even in the frame.

Mind you, at the rate Di was getting through men we'd have all had our turn by now if she hadn't neglected to do up her seatbelt.

call me ishmael said...

I watched Dimbleby tonight, oleaganising about the last Coronation and I am sure he would agree that it is a jolly good thing that Di is not around to disrupt this next one.

And that intiolerable arselicker, Charles Moore, was writing in the the Filth-O-Graph the other day that Charles has thoroughly and quite rightly rehabilitated himself and is now standing ready to pick up the sacred orb and all that shit and anyone who gainsays that is just a dirty rotter.

That Charles - that is to say we - employed a whole shitload of ex Murdoch slimedwellers to orchestrate this rehabilitation is not mentioned by Moore, it is as though the People, be they ever-so-humble, had rightly rcognised the worth of this actually worthless turd, Windsor, as he calls himself in his made-up world. Dimbleby, Moore, we should hang 'em high.

Mike said...

Well at least I'm pretty confident that my adopted country (Australia) will not have Charlie-boy as Head of State. Although I can't think of a suitable Aussie for the job, Charlie will push us (and probably the Kiwis and Canadians) over the edge into Republicanism.

the creature up the creek said...


And after Syria, where do these armed nutterbastards go next ? Round and round it goes: where it stops, who the fuck knows.

it stops when our right hypocritical members of psycholand arm the wrong nut-jobseekers and finish up blowing their own brains out. i suppose it must be a sort of over-the-top russian-roulette for the terminally bored and emotionally unfulfilled - the only remaining question being: how many of us are they going to take with them? believe me, the woolwich guy they tried to recruit just fired a warning shot, but arming al qaeda in syria could really backfire on the barmy bastards - the wars our leading shites are funding seem to get nearer and nearer to our own doorstep every time. in the end they'll big-up some bully in europe like they did hitler and before you've said "lights out" there'll be 100 million blinking dead.

cameron obviously wants to out-blair blair and cause an even bigger bloodbath than did his many megalomaniac predecessors - are their prime-ministerial pensions linked to the index of body-bags they successfully fill? now he wants to wank-off hollande, take on the russians in syria, and prove he's a bigger badder madder bastard then napoleon himself - except in this case, the pair of them are nothing more than over-blown bit-parts, clearly, doing the dirty business for the broadly grinning americans, who are well out-of-it over the wide water. can't see hollande lasting long before the old french revolutionaries give him the traditional chop - they're hopping i hear.

according to cameron, what the rigby-forwards did in woolwich was a "betrayal of islam", so this must mean that he and his but-for-privilege flaccid-futured parliamentary chums, flopped-off the public-school conveyor-belt from the rich and rarefied radicalization of the ruling-elite, have really fucked christianity over royally.

"drain the swamp"? he is the fucking swamp, or at least one of the half-submerged predators that parasitically feeds off it - what a croc of conservative shit this man cameron truly is.

i humbly apologize to readers for omitting to include the word 'bastard' in the last paragraph.

the queer hunter said...

@the creature up the creek

now listen here, i went to a grammar-school myself, but i can honestly assure you, on behalf of all the members of this government's cabinet, that we have only actually rogered christianity.

Anonymous said...
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Old timer said...

Re the Coronation, although we had a little nine-inch black and white Pye telly sitting on the sideboard at the time, my dad, being the down to earth practical fellow he was, decided that instead of sitting at home moping and gawping/gawking at it the disgusting waste of public funds in a time of real austerity, and as it was a public holiday too, we would go to the seaside for the day. So we loaded up the old jalopy with our woolly jumpers, macs, towels and swimming cozzies and off we went in pouring rain to spend a day by the sea (as Brits do - or at least did). So whilst mater and pater sat shivering out of the drizzle in one those little shelter hut thingies found along most promenades, my brother and I were happily splashing about in the sea. We had the beach to ourselves and endless miles of golden sand. A newspaper full of freshly cooked fish and chips and an ice cream and then the drive home with the wipers clickety clacking nearly all the way. 'twas a memorable day for two boisterous youngsters! I have made maybe hundreds of similar visits, but all have long faded from the memory as utterly forgettable, but that particular day remains fairly fresh even after 60 years. Wonder why that might be???

Re Herr Big Ears, Spike was spot on when he penned that famous ditty: I talk to the trees, that's why they put me away.... The next generation will certainly be living in interesting times!

call me ishmael said...

Is there any news on the Mercer's Tale?

I have been penned-in, a bit, mentally, with the ennui or couldn't care lessness of whatever ails me - it's not arthritis, it might be what they call fibromyalgia and it might be pressure on the spinal cord, whatever it is it's a bastard and the last few days I haven't looked at what we call the news, partially because of that very knowledge - that it is news in name only - but also because it only seems five minutes since all these fuckers were going to be sorted out and as we know they hanged a handful out to dry in the scapegoat wind and carried on as normal, quite why they've picked on Paddy Mercer is a mystery, I am sure they could've stuck a pin in a list of members and found a crook and so it's hard to get too worked up about something when you know you're just being played like Hamlet - here, play this flute, he says to Guildenstern, a dissembling, treacherous stooge, But, Sire, I cannot play. Yes you can, No, Sire I cannot . "Why, look you now, how unworthy a thing you make of me! You would play upon me. You would seem to know my stops. You would pluck out the heart of my mystery. You would sound me from my lowest note to the top of my compass. And there is much music, excellent voice, in this little organ, yet cannot you make it speak?" 'Sblood, do you think I am easier to be played on than a pipe? Call me what instrument you will, though you can fret me, yet you cannot play upon me. " It is Act 3 scene 2 and I come over all angry, indignant Hamlet when MediaMinster would set my stops, fret my strings with some bullshit like this; so I haven't even looked; he may have shot himself in a lonely brown study, his revolver and his shaking hand his only route to belated nobility. But I doubt it, he's just a cunt, isn't he, Mercer, as are they all.

Talking of the End, why cannot we, historically the global guardians of Freedom's APR, import some of this young anger from Turkey, where they seem to be saying Fuck this parliamentray dictatorship shit. Just because you won fifty-one per cent of the vote doesn't give you the right to destroy my street, you fucking stone-age Muslem bastard.

Neither Cameron or that other prick even won fifty one per cent, couldn't best a one-legged man in an arse-kicking contest and yet they blithely manouevre their malevolent steamroller of class interest all over the allotments of the poor. Fuck 'em.

A Scottish English teacher, if you see what I mean, visits here, regularly, a perfectly normal, decent person and she said to me a few years back Y'know, Ishmael, I'm getting like you, I don't think that this parliamentary democracy malarkey is much good. Is that what I think, Susan? Yes, Ishmael,I think so.

A good starting point, then, Istanbul, mon amour.

DtP said...

Hey hey Mr Ish. The flute plays it's own tune in that Colonel Mercer of the Royal FreeLoading Bullshitteers has penned a lament to the members of the All Party Group for the made up cause of freeloading & junketting to Fiji saying 'unfortunately i've been found out so this group will have to cease, forthwith, or whenever the last cheque has been cashed and receipts shredded'.

Hmm. As regards young Paddy being singled out - well, inasmuch as he is an egregious cunt but I guess the pin in a list is as good a measure as any. Ho hum. And the fucks are asking for £100k per year for what is a part time fucking job with junkets, booze, nosebag and the chance to employ yer family & mates with holidays that would make primary school kids jealous. Jeez, I often get drunk out of my skull and talk bollox about Syria or Israel with chums and i've got to provide the pizza - it's a frikkin' insult.

Ho hum. Good luck with the ailments - sounds a bit of a irritant.

call me ishmael said...

I hope you're right, Mr Mike, let them kick the God Emperor in his scabby nuts, and his smokey old doxy, too; wouldn't be quite so bad, if we had an empire, still, instead of being Uncle Sam's colony.

call me ishmael said...

I normally wouldn't mention it, mr wotever it is today, but "omitting to include" is a tautologism of such delightfully, glaring reduncancy that it deserves at least acknowledging.

As to what you say, some of us here have posited that the survival of MediaMinster may depend upon a faux-wartime National Govament and that all the threats, therefore, which you list would assist the formation of such a dictatorship. I am sure that Jim Murphy, in the national interest, would job-share with Phil Hammond, that IcePixieWoman Cooper would fetch a cuppa for that nice Mrs May and so on.

Uncle Sam's economy, such as it is, is now more than ever dependant upon PermaWar and it doesn't matter what BigHair Kerry says, or BigMouth Clinton, US Foreign policy is to kill niggers, slopes and gooks whilst somehow preserving the illegitimacy of Israel. No, go on, it's alright, you can think it and say it and not be a closet gaschamber attendant. The expansionism of Israel, over the last century, the brazen, illegal occupations of Haifa,Acre and Jaffa in violation of all treaties and agreements went unpunished, and Israel has been unpunished ever since. Even thought many of her crimes of colonialism, torture, murder and theft occurred long before the Holocaust plucky little Israel continues to ride that particular groove, ignoring, contemptuously the sort of UN resolutions which are more rigorously imposed on proper nignogs - one set of international laws for one stone-age Abrahamic religion, another for another.

So I don't think it matters - our worry about the cocksucker, Hague, and his delusions of heterosexuality, I mean grandeur. All parties, apart from Carolne Green's, will unite in any sort of racist war, anywhere; everywhere, in fact. Imagine what Austerity Fun we shall have then.

call me ishmael said...

Maybe, mr dtp, he just has one of those faces; as I said, I only saw a fragment of the tape but his voice, too, his tone, about the five hundred per half-day, his voice would make me wan to puch him in the teeth, maybe his unpleasantness is universally recognised. He has one of those Cecil Parkinson wives, too, maybe he gives herea good matrimomial square bashing, keep her in line. Good order, what?

mack the word-stylist - member of the round circle said...

@call me ishmael

I normally wouldn't mention it, mr wotever it is today, but "omitting to include" is a tautologism of such delightfully, glaring reduncancy that it deserves at least acknowledging.

fuck-wittedly flowery and foppishly flapping with superfluity, certainly, but not strictly tautological, since he does not state the same notion twice - i think the poor chap's sadly soaked-up a surfeit of cameron's effete rhetorical effluence.

anyhow, as you have so exquisitely detailed through the power of your darkly descriptive prose, we have far greater problems busting our bollocks.

call me ishmael said...

No,be told, you're wrong, you and your various personnae, they are exactly the same notion - omitting and not including. And I don't do darkly descriptive prose, you offend me by conflating me with a writer - a more worthless occupation than which I cannot conjure. I just chat, here, with my friends. Much harder than writing. You should try it. I try to write to you exactly as I would speak to you, no more.

mack the psychosyntactitian said...

no, mr ishmael, 'omitting' and 'to include' have separate mutually exclusive meanings which are combined to mean 'not including' - you have cheated by disingenuously adding the 'not' into the initial part of the linguistic equation; if the writer had simply used the word 'omitting', the reader would rightly have presumed that that which was omitted should have been included where as in fact that which was not included was supposed to be omitted - hence the stylistically subtle although, for some verbal composers, clearly confusing difference in meaning between the word 'omitting' and the phrase 'omitting to include'.

wanna fight about it?

call me ishmael said...

Fuck me Jesus but this is barrel scraping, turds of wisdom, blogging a dead horse; no grammarian, homme des lettres, syntacticist, least of all one who so vigorously attacks his alter ego would write such a thing as omitting to include and show his face in cyberspace again. I cannot possibly fight you because I am your host; all I can do is prod you towards literary Godliness. You know, hopefully is an adverb, just as wirewool is singular and that straightening is a complete, discrete description of straightening, straightening out, in that context, is baby talk.

There are other places where this fencing is popular: Chase Me Ladies, I'm in the Cavalry, is one such, it is also hilariously funny, in a wordplay sort of way, although as with such arguments as these, it just goes around and around, a Carousel of Conceit.

the creature up the creek said...

oh good god, i swear i wish i'd never used the damned word - ok, i withdraw it. remove 'include', insert 'use', and shut the fuck up the lot of you.

yardarm said...

What Mr dtp says. I saw a piece on the Sunday Brillo, full of Westminster dole layabouts whining about suffering the indignity of submitting their exxie claims to IPSA....we`re entitled to a hundred grand year, whine whine, keep our outside interests...whimper...attract the best people whinge...the fucking filthsters put us through seven shades of shit and sixty five K plus exxies still aren`t good enough for these entitlement junkies.

As if they can`t cash in when they finally relinquish the teat; Jug Ears of course being the master here but his assiduous pupils such as Miliband elder and Pork Pie Head Purnell are learning fast. Purnell`s got some non job as head of digital among the BBC nomenclatura. The only digit he knows about is firmly embedded up his fundamental orifice.

call me ishmael said...

Purnell and the PBC; he must have been the star of a corporate gangbang, mr yardarm, to get that gig, mr yardarm. No adverts, no interviews, straight in at three hundred grand a year, no previous experience of TeeVee, I thought that was illegal.

yardarm said...

It`s only illegal, Mr Ishmael when the Joe Soaps do it; with these wankers it`s called networking. As you say: Mediaminster. And look at Hartnett, one minute his buttocks are polishing a chair at HMRC the next he`s desk jockeying at some dosh juggler outfit called Detoilet or something. There are hundreds, thousands of the parasitic fucks, laughing at us even as they shit on us.

obama - a legacy left stinging like salt in the wound said...

@yardarm, 3 june 2013 23:24

yes, yardarm, the mau mau - is this their reward for revolution? genocide, internment, 30 years of disenfranchisement by their own government, some loose change from wonky willy hague's bulging back-pocket, and a measly half-measured official apology? didn't the first african-american president do well?

unlike churchill, obama spared kenya but scored a direct-hit on somalia said...

@obama - a legacy left stinging like salt in the wound

the establishment will never cough-up for revolution - even if you 'win', the only reward is responsibility, more responsibility, and blood on your hands, both your own people's and your enemy's.

obama - the wandering mediaeval minstrel of mayhem and drone-pipe cleaner said...

@obama - a legacy left stinging like salt in the wound

yessir, mr commenter, i am the greatest game-show host in the world...

...and after leaving the continent of africa wickedly war-torn, exploited-to-buggery, and irretrievably impoverished by american market-protectionism, i intend to round-off the programme of ethnically-targeted entertainment with a full and unreserved statement of apology for the slave-trade.

nice to free you, to free you, nice.

obama - the wizard of drivel said...

@obama - the wandering mediaeval minstrel of mayhem and drone-pipe cleaner

meandering more like - he's a real specialist performer on them drones too.