Saturday 29 October 2011


Now look.

 I think it's high time we got something clear, regarding this so-called protest at Saint Paul's which is, frankly, worse than anything we saw in the last great war when we were the junior partners to Mr Obama, or was it President Lincoln? Whatever, the fact is that I was elected to run this country,  the people elected me to privatise the health service, scrap employment rights, increase unemployment and inflation and force disabled people into jobs which, if Mr Osborne has his way, won't exist, even for the able-bodied.  Be that as it may, there's no doubting that at the ballot box the people voted for my brand of stupid, I mean caring conservatism. And you don't catch me putting up my tent  in Oxford Street when I don't get my own way. No,  I send in NATO, I find that usually works,  that and a steel bar up the arse. And I think it's time we looked very closely at these protesters. I'm all for the right to protest, just as long as people don't. ( editor's note: this is the default position of everyone in the sewer-nexus  of politics and infotainment,  the bloody, snarling Death'sHead of skymadeupnewsandfilth to whom all the aforementioned are in shitty thrall. Jon Snow, Jocky Neil, Toilets Maguire, all of them.)

And another thing, Liam Fox may have been a cunt and a traitor, running his own foreign policy, or somebody else's, but not the UK Govament's, anyway,  but at least he had the decency to resign when he had actually done nothing wrong apart from high treason,  you wouldn't catch him and his young friend, Mr Werrity,

 Happily married Mr Doctor Fox with his young boyfriend.

dossing-down in a smelly, old tent outside St Paul's, not when the taxpayer was funding five-star hotels, well, I say the taxpayer, but often it was a bunch of international gangsters, nothing wrong with that, when one is in public service one has to take bribes from all sorts of people. And let's be clear, say what you like about our distinguished Foreign Seckatry, Mr Miscarriage, he didn't let any gangsters pay for his young friend's hotel bills, he insisted that the taxpayer pay for it all.

 Happily married Mr William Miscarriage. And his young boyfriend.  One of his  young boyfriends.

  And for my money that says  a great deal about William.  Lets be clear. We are very lucky to have him in the role of Foreign Seckatry. And so is he.


Adam Lard of skymadeupnewsandfilth charms some people who think, quaintly, that what the citizen thinks should matter.

Welcome to  Lunchtime with Lard, with me, Adam Lard, political editor of skymadeupnewsandfilth, you know me, I'm the bloated one, married to one of Tony Blair's bints, Anji Hunter, that's Anji with a J, or is it a double J, or a double I, fucked if I know.

Mr & Mrs Lard.

(editor's note: Hunter was BloodyBlair's so-called gatekeepeer, in fact one of his many publicly-funded SpADS, despised by Imelda Blair for her closeness to Tone she eventually left to become, like so many in the NewLabour putsch, a highly-bribed servant of transnational thievery, in this case BP, which paid her £25OK pa.  Selling-off contacts and info acquired at the public expense,  Hunter should of course be in jail, next best thing, I suppose, is being joined together in holy deadlock with Murdoch's GB bumboy, Lardy, hysterical Adam.)

y'remember me????....I'm the one who Alastair Campbell nearly made cry, only he didn't, so there. And anyway, he's a fairy, everybody knows that.  That was the unelected prime minister babbling there, he's got very macho, these last few days, usually an indication that we are in the last of days.  But to move on, in today's Lunchtime with Lard we'll be examining objectively the position of the Church of England vis a vis the riffraff and benefits scroungers and drug addicts and illegal aliens protesting on the steps of St Paul's Cathedral, although, Heaven only knows what they're protesting about, and no pun intended there.  They should go and try protesting in the US, and see what Mr Murdoch's Mayors and Governors and policemen make of them. Anyway our reporter, Jayne Tits, is in our Saint Paul's studio for us now, Jayne, what can you tell us?

Well, yes,  Adam, that's right and I'm joined by one of the canons of the cathedral, the Most Extremely Reverend Jervaise Amyl-Nitrite. Jervaise, what do you think about all this ?

Well, of course, we support anyone's right to protest, wasn't our Lord, Himself, that is, if you,  believe  in a literal Jesus..........

His Most Exalted Reverence Canon Jervaise Amyl-Nitrite.

Sorry, Jervaise, you will have lost our viewers, there, what exactly do you mean by a literal Jesus?  

Well, Jayne, to be in communion with gay men and women and young choir persons all over the Anglican, well, communion, it doesn't mean that you have to literally believe in Jesus, or indeed God, or, in fact, anything;  man - or woman's - love for his fellow man - or her fellow woman- 

 is what this great big family is all about;  Jesus and the Resurrection is, frankly Jayne, a load of old cobblers......


But as I was saying, if Our Lord HAD existed, which is frankly laughable, he would've been a tent person, too, kicking-up fuck about whatever got on his tits......kind of like Julian Clary, only in sandals, bitching and whining about stuff.....

Like one per cent of the population owning, or having stolen, nearly everything ???

Oh no, I doubt that, it's a well-known fact that our Board of Trustees is made up of, well, the one per cent who own everything..., if they say Shit, Your Reverences, we say What Colour? You know, the Corporation of the City of London is just like, well, just like the Kray Twins, really, just better tailored.... crooks, racketeers, moneylenders and pimps.....

And you mean they own Saint Paul's????

Well, yes, actually they do...

And that's why......

Yes, that's why neither they nor we want this riffraff hanging around here, trying to draw parallels between Christianity and quite frankly, lets be clear, what can only be called Anarchy, Anarchy in the UK.

That was his most exalted gay reverence Jervaise Amyl-Nitrite, there, preaching from the gospel of Sodom & Gomorrah, here, at St Paul's and now back to you in the studio, Adam.

Thanks Jayne, that was Jayne Tits there for us. Stay tuned because after the break Kay Burley

Kay Burley of skymadeupnewsandfilth

will be asking if Victor Tubak, the immigrant sex killer should have his balls cut off and fed to him, why it is that the old fairy with blue hair is able to claim compensation from newspapers which quite fairly wrongly accused him of killing landscape architect, Jo Yeates and why people in this country actually have far too many rights for their own good. Don't go away.

(editor's note, regular readers might conclude that  our view of the Church of Rome is that it is little more than a fabulously successful global crime corporation, trading in fear, superstition and guilt and that its staff, nuns, priests and noncing monsignors,  are either by sins of commission or omission a repulsive, degenerate and  amoral   criminal community,  engaged  historically in all manner of nefarious genocidal, racist and exploitative  and extortionate  activities  and notably in the persistent  sexual assault of infants and children and in the blackmailing and terrorising of their parents, in which the current Capo, Benjy the Nazi, has particularly distinguished his rotten self  and that we consider the Anglican Church to be a rapacious landlord, an investor in dubious companies and nations, a  historically warmly complicit arm of the state in all its wrongdoings  at home and abroad and recently not so much a  faith at all as a powerful proselytiser of  homosexuality, contrary to its own doctrines and teachings hitherto, and they would be correct.  The idea that a spontaneous global movement opposed to the status quo maledictus will find any common cause among the hypocrites, bandits, torturers and Godlessheathenbastardfrockwearingchildbuggeringcocksuckingmotherfuckingsonsafuckingbitches of Religions Inc. is preposterous, may God rot their fucking black hearts and roast their wicked poxy arses in Hell, forever and forever, Amen.)


Dick the Prick said...

What the fuck is wrong with 35 year old women or, frankly, birds in general? A literal circle jerk, or Dutch oven if you will, of prim and pedantic rutting faggots is only gonna scare the children and waste everyone's time. Fox fucking about with the Mossad whilst 'on tour' and Bumboy Haigh checking into the Holliday Inn and barebacking his salaried secretary is just so bloody crass. At least Keeler was fit as fuck. Any man could see how Profumo got suckered but Fox bumming a Glaswegian geography student in a Dubai hotel whilst the Israelis pick up the tab seems just plain odd. Well, at least the guy's a footote but really?

P T Barnum said...

Amen, indeed, Mr I. (and thank you for returning to trenches). I have long argued that it is easy to be a Roman or Anglican without being any kind of Christian. It is ritual and building and rank that makes up the stuff of these people's religiosity, poncing about in fancy dress with all their special hand signals and code words, completely missing the ****ing point.

Agatha said...

A superficial reading of this towering analysis might lead one to suppose that Mr. Ishmael has something against homosexuality. I shouldn't think for a minute that he cares a flying fuck about sexual preferences. The thrust (so to speak) of his piece lies in the editor's footnotes. Mr. Ishmael, as ever, is sound on the things that matter - thank God (and not Vicar Amyl-Nitrate's god) that Mr. Ishmael is back and unwrapping the pretty layers that disguise the unappealing and naked truth. The current political establishment is totally and exclusively dedicated to preserving and extending the interests of the wealthy and possibly the more comfortably off middle classes. They will do this by any means available: law, religion, the military, police and the news media.

call me ishmael said...

'salright to say fuck, here, mr ptb. Religions Inc. more profitable than ever, these days.

Miss Keeler, of course,Mr DTP, a mere child, was held by the men on the green benches and in skymadeupnewsandfilth to be the villainness of the piece, bringing down a poor, defenceless Old Etonian, old enough to be her father.

mongoose said...

What would Jesus do, eh? (So says the banner at said demo - unless it was Photoshopped by some ghastly MI5 spook with too much of our time on his hands.) Well, he certainly wouldn't charge £14.50 to let you into the House of the Lord. Fuck them all, I say. Revenues during the demo have apparently fallen by about half and this is said to be £16000 per day. So we can crudely say that annual revenues are £32k x 365 - something akin to £12million per annum - plus the Tuck and Tat Shop - say, £16m. Now if you cast out all the money-changers, could you maintain St Paul's for £16m a year? I sure as fuck could. Indeed I volunteer here and now to do it for half that. Just half, fuck me, no, I'm not greedy at all. A nice little Cotswold pile with a Range Rover would be just the ticket. Pony in the paddock for Pandora.

And I bet I could do it comfortably for £2m, at most 4, and I bet that they spend about £6m on that same activity because they are useless twats. Not corruptly so, no, no, no. Perish the freakin' thought.

The bastards just need to be hanged in a neat row from the Whispering Gallery. It would be a start.

call me ishmael said...

I went on one of those bustours of London, about twenty years ago, got off at St Paul's and never got back on, enough to make you weep, all that work, all those dead craftsmen. And now it's the preserve of purse-lipped, tut-tutting, nit-picking, waspish, career clerics, managerialist sociologosts, good for fuck all, an offence to God and man, burning at the stake's what they want, sort the Christians from the cocksuckers.

yardarm said...

When faced with the slightest opposition Flashman goes into School Bully default mode; bang ! down comes the Hanoverian send in the redcoats face. No doubt when in Aus the other day he asked them if there was any room in Botany Bay.

a young Anglo-Irish catholic said...

Was considering Westminster Abbey this eve, on my Sat evening constitutional. Trying to imagine the middle bit, gleaming white at night lit up from the inside, sitting on an island on a marshy bit by the Thames.

A thousand fucking years ago. Image being a rotting peasant eyeing that lot up? We'll never see anything so out of our world.

BTW, wiki says

In 1535, the Abbey's annual income of £2400–2800[citation needed] (£980,000 to £1,140,000 as of 2011) making it the second wealthiest after Glastonbury.

And St Pauls only needs 15 times that....