I LOVE MY AULD HIGHLAND MAMMY.
NO, SHE DIVORCED ME BECAUSE I WAS GAY,
NO, BECAUSE I'M A DRUNK,
NO, BECAUSE I'M AN INTOLERABLE, OPINIONATED SHITHEAD.
ISN'T IT YOUR FUCKING ROUND?
Nick Clegg's speech on whatever it is, Lebanon, no Libya, is it Libya, it is Libya, is very good and repays close scrutiny and I have been scrutinalising it all day, which is what you'd expect. Of one former party leader to another former party leader. No, it is very good. And it sets out all the whatyoumaycallits, all the options in the current crisis, whatever it is. He is in the govament, in fact he's the Deputy Prime Minister, so you'd expect him to agree with them. As I do. Not that we are not separate parties. Which we aren't. Did I mention I was the youngest ever dipsomaniac in the House? Where's Ian Hislop and Paul Merton? Aren't they on tonight?
Do I agree with the Coalition? What, about bombing the wogs? Well, we are where we are, the Devil, as ever, is in the details and clearly, in a very real sense, at the end of the day, the bottom line is that in an ideal world with the benefit of hindsight I have always made my position perfectly clear. Is the BBC bar closed, or what?
waking-up as charles kennedy is a terrible disease, if you have been affected by any of the issues in tonight's Newsnight visit www.dogshootershaveissues2.com and make contact with some other drunken, pontificating, ginger prats
9 comments:
Funny to think that so many party leaders in the last 10 years have been bi-sexual at one time or another....
And their poor token wives.
Let's not get too sympathetic towards the dozy bints.
It's not bi-sexual if you only love yourself. There is a word for that...
I heard that Lebanon/Libya "mis-speak". With any other politician you'd be wondering if they were accidentally revealing future plans to bliztkreig Lebanon (friendly fire?). With Kennedy you have to admire the fact he can still make grammatical sentences with only a dozen operational synapses, even if the content is drivel.
It's something he learned over in America, that sentenceising. Douglas Alexander learned it there, too. It is a form of hypnotism, a bit like NLP, they just set out all these ReasonableClauses, in this hypnotically reasonable tone in the hope of raping your intellect whilst favourably impressing you with their meaningless reasonableness. Vote for me, I'm very reasonable.
The No-Expenses-Spared Mr Major Eric Joyce is another one, he does it. Maybe I'm wrong about the States, maybe it's a Scottish thing.
Ah yes, reasonable reasonableness. And if you find it unreasonable, you are yourself without reasonableness, a condition which borders on that other zeitgeist malaise, inappropriateness.
As an aside on generic rhetorical devices, can anyone tell me when and why the ubiquitous opening "Look, ..." to an answer or a statement came into being? Blair, Brown, Cameron, Hague, they all use it. "Look at what?" I ask their gurning mugs. But they don't reply.
I think it was Blair - Look! Listen! it is a terrible impudence, containing as it does the teacherly admonition, Pay Attention! The other, another Blairism is the speaking of oneself in the second person. Look, you just get on with the job. You just have to make the tough decisions; they now all do that, too. You just had to remove Saddam.
Because it is the right thing to do.
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