Wednesday, 30 March 2011


 We have our four-yearly festival of comeptitive promising going on here, just now, as we elect, or don't bother with  electing,  another tier of bent mongrel bureaucrats to another palace of vice and greed and the entertainment comes, not from the  Tribesmen's Alec Salmond,
 It's ma  North Sea oil, all of it.
or from JockLabour's  iron-jawed  idiot Commissar Gray

- the LibDems, under Mr Tavish McHooter

are rightly hiding away in some public convenience, somewhere,

awa' back tae yer con-stit-ewencies and prepare for fellatio

- but from Miss Annabel Trousers,

  the ghoulish matron nominally in charge of Scotland's, no, don't laugh, Scotland's Tory party.  In one of the seats which the Tories might have won under our cute wee PR system, the candidate, Mr Malcolm Macaskill, has been deselected - dumped -  and replaced by a lady described as one of Miss Goldie's close aides.

Ruth Davidson, a BBC hack, has often insisted that many  at the top of the Tory party, around Ian Duncan Smith and William Hague are gay,
it takes one to know one, she smiles

Not as pretty ay specimen as, ah, young Christopher,
or indeed any of  my usual, ah, rentboys, I mean consorts, I mean special advisers,
but there you are, ah, mr deputy speaker,
buggers can't be choosers. Did I mention that my wife, Ffffffion,
 has had many miscarriages,  From me fucking her. Which proves that I am not gay.
I believe I may have done. But the truth can stand repetition. Even when it's a lie.

and that it is no impediment to their careers, (editor's note: as if) and she has singled out Miss Goldie as being particularly supportive of Highland dykes, like herself. Unmarried, Miss Goldie is a member of that most distinguished renegade band, the Scottish lawyers,  thieving, noncing, lawless brigands and degenerates.  Brooding and misanthropic, Annabel is an I-Know-Bester from the Gordon Brown school of bully-politics, a  dour, lacklustre, grumpy old boot, harrumphing and Now, look-ing all over the shop, hectoring and tut-tutting. Goldie owes her leadership to the fall from grace of previous JockTory fuckwit leader, David McLechie, another thieving lawyer bastard who, tragically, was forced to resign after having done nothing wrong, except fiddle his expenses, billing us for the taxi fares to his mistress's gaff, doubtless he felt his extra-marital fucking  was part of his parliamentary duties, like Tories do.

 Mr David McArsehole, Tory MSP, fucking my mistresses for the people of Scotland,
at your expense.
I have done nothing wrong.

The gossip, anyway, in the Filth-O-Graph - when it is not begging the govament to please not tax rich people a penny more, they simply cannot bear it - is that the erstwhile Glasgow PPC,  Macaskill, was dumped in order to create a shoo-in for the elfin Ms Davidson.  Miss Annabel Trousers, of course, denies all knowledge of any such machinations, after all, the Glasgow list seat was one of the pitifully few the Tories might win, why on Earth should the leader concern herself with who is - or is not any longer - the candidate?  The Filth-O-Graph's man in Scotland, tedious, beardy gabshite, Alan Tory Cochrane, insists that Goldie is a wee woman in a big man's job.

Ranting Tory loony, Lunctime McBooze.
See this beard, Jimmy, makes me a hard man.

Suspicion over Ms Davidson's fortuitous selection looms the larger because it is widely believed in Scotland that Miss Annabel Trousers will be dumped immediately after the election,  that is if there is a Tory party left in existence for her to be dumped from, and that fixing things for Davidson is her last hurrah for the brogues sisterhood.

Publicly, Goldie insists that she is InItForTheLongHaul and that, poor cow, she has, what is it now, CallHimWinston's full support and confidence. In London, they think I'm doing a great job of work, she growls, hollowly.

 Will ye no' come back again, David?
Not on your fucking life, you old witch

Mocked and taunted by some splendid members of the public, yesterday, Goldie's public launch of her election campaign was a  disaster as her handlers moved her swiftly from place to place, trying unsuccessfully to shield her from the ribald voices and placards of the people;  not the expensive security operation which follows Mr Clegg  around, as he delivers freedoms to us, the cunt, rather more Keystone Cops, like the Scottish parliament itself.

The election result is uncertain, Salmond may bribe his way back in; more likely, defectors from the Toiletmen, together with a revival of its core vote will see JockLabour barging into office, in its cheap suits and ties, trumpeting its phantom principles.  Cameron, it must be assumed, has already written-off Jock Toryism and is considering ways to stuff independence down our ungrateful throats.  A Labour victory, therefore, North of the Border, whilst regrettable, is probably just what the doctor ordered.

We must spare a thought, at this time, for Tearful Tommy Sheridan, playing footba' and keeping  hissel' fit  fer the struggle, behind Capitalism's bars.

Snarling for the people, Ruin's catspaw, Sheridan.

If it hadn't been for Tommy, his dick and his gob, there might still have been, in Scotland,  a radical, left of centre movement to shout the odds in parliament, to barrack the shameless, po-faced No-alternativers,  to oppose the rapine, the barabarism and the greed of the political establishment, Labour, Tory or Toiletmen. As it is, short of us learning to think for ourselves, here, in Scotland, as throughout GlobaCorp's realm, we must learn to become the new Third World.


don't forget george said...

Wot ? No mention of 'Galloway 4 Glasgow' ?
Gorgeous George needs a wee joaby so has thrown his hat into the Holyrood ringpiece.
He'll shout a lot on tv but rarely show up in the parliament. Oh and of course he'll steal the religion of peace blockvote from the SNP.

mongoose said...

Aw bless, Mr I. It is a forlorn pageant of a thousand parts. The expectation of decency from those in public office turns over the years into a wee, bedraggled beastie. Just a hope of a fucking lack of criminality would be a start, would it not? Can we not be spared? In any decent country, Salmond would have been out of a top floor window years ago. And Steel, the bastard. Go back, indeed, to the gravy train and prepare for a lifetime of sucking at the public teat, gorging yourself in a palace of the people. Just a fucking half a billion will do. It's a wonder that we can even feed ourselves. Except that they don't.

To hell with Libya. I'd have NATO level Morningside first and Tripoli last. Sanctimonious, fucking preachy vermin should be gassed, not let come down here with their cant and horror. Cluttering up Westminster with their disappointment and envy. Donald Dewar? Was that some kind of joke?

Dick the Prick said...

If anything, this globalisation has brought closer countries closer. There's been a bit of a humdinger with Melanie Philips calling Arabs 'savage' or similar and the thread under her copy is just so passionate that i'm genuinely glad Europe is Christian and our wars have been done? Surely?

I owe everything to Wales. I can genuinely understand Scotland's gripes but none of my business.

It can not be under - estimated the comfort of being in Blighty.

call me ishmael said...

The news prediction today is that the Toiletmen will come fifth, out of five. Mr Clegg, bizarrely, as his following implode, is in Mexico City, lecturing the wetbacks; after Clarkson and his bumboys, what must they make of us, sending them this gibbering nincompoop? Eyes closed and head-down, deputy prime ministering, Clegg will ignore the affront he gives to both the country generally and the LibDems particularly and act as though he is a statesman, above the fray, working in the national interest. In a nutshell, Cameron and Clegg will happily abandon their activists and volunteers in Scotland, hoping that by rigging the UK parliament and the boundaries they will, in some form, be returned at the next general election.

Gorgeous George does have an inbuilt constituency in working class parts of the central beltway. I was just in Dundee for a couiple of days and encountered lots of Glaswegians, shrill and belligerent, see-you-Jimmying, narrow-minded and bigoted, it was like being in an episode of the blessed Rab C Nesbitt. I am sure that enough of them will vote for Galloway to keep him in the luxury to which he has become accustomed, his tailoring, his foreign villas, his servants and for them he will do, in return, exactly nothing. They are idiots, it's a wonder that they still know how to breathe.

You should know, mr dtp, that anyone who disagrees with Mad Mel is a Nazi. She used to be such a nice, caring, liberal girl, writing about home affairs in the Guardian, and now she is a Zionist monster.

As for our wars being done, might it not be argued that we have, instead, externalised them?

Dewar and his Mrs and Derry Irvine, eh? No wonder Tony gave him Scotland in compensation. When he died his flat was found to be stuffed full of stale food he'd trousered from official engagements, too mean to put his hand in his pocket.

Dick the Prick said...

Don't perverts have a hole in their pocket for easy access? Cleggy can speak Dago so kinda polite (is it Dago or just Republican?) Mehico is bigger sq mile than Alaska.

jgm2 said...

Mr Ishmael, I used to live in Fucking Scotland. In Dunfermline. A constituent of the Maximum Imbecile before the boundaries got re-jigged and me and him both moved out of his constituency. It must have been eight years ago when they had their Scottish elections and I received election materials from Tommy Sheridan's SWP or SSWP or whatever the fuck he was fronting.

It was a badly photocopied piece of A4 with a picture of a chap who, on first appearances, you frankly wouldn't leave in charge of young children. The old nonce-o-meter was on 11. But what stuck in my mind was their policy for solving unemployment. They would simply move everybody to a four day week and employ all the other people into the extra 20% of spare 'work' they'd created.

Now, as you know, practically the whole of Scotland is invalid or incapacitated or retired or working for the council/government/SNH/Scottish this/Scottish that as it is. But this clown's miracle solution to all this invalidity and incapacity was to simply cut the hours (35hrs/week, seven weeks holiday per year. Plus sickness) of the vast public sector and hand the money out to the ones who were so manifestly rude of health but thick of skull that they couldn't even be hidden as incapacitated or disabled.

I remember Labour and the SNP in pissing competitions to promise more and more of their nominal (100%) of North Sea oil as right now bribes to the electorate.

Aye, we'll have free this and free that. And we'll have an oil fund like Norway. And a unicorn in every home.

The country is insane. It must be all the radiation off that Lewisian Gneiss and granite and shit that has fucked with their brains. Save yourself. Leave the fucking godawful place and their vile self-serving jackass politicos. Sure, they're no better down here in Sussex but at least the weather's better.

mrs narcolept said...

mr jgm2, sorry, I am probably having a blonde moment, but what is wrong with shortening hours and sharing out the public-sector jobs among more people? Sounds like quite a good idea to me.

george said...


" what is wrong with shortening hours and sharing out the public-sector jobs among more people?"

Because none of them would accept a reasonable reduction in wages in return for less hours. It would just add more people to the payroll and give us an even bigger deficit.
Even if they did accept a reasonable reduction in wages this would just add an increase to tax credit and other social payments. So we'd either pay them wages or pay their credits.