Friday, 4 March 2011



Are you asking me if we lost our deposit and had our foreskins  sandpapered last night? Well, of course we didn't. Are you asking me were we beaten by people whose party HQ was in a shed in their garden?  Well, of course we weren't. And if by some chance we were, I simply say that owing to us being a bunch of fucking imbeciles, jackals and shit-eating monsters people will try to write us off but I believe that all the  copraphiliacs, BDSM merchants and fucked-up transsexual lunatics in the country know that we are in there, in govament, doing our level best to make the country a fairer and more  inclusive place to live. And eat shit in.   Vote LibDem if you want your arse whipped, that's what I say. Are you asking me if Mr Cameron beats me?  Only when I need it. Did I tell you that I also slept with more than some women? Sorry must dash, important meeting about a No Fleas zone. Fleas, is it fleas, maybe it's flies, I dunno, been on holiday, yes, I geddit now, it's a no flies zone, somewhere, they don't want any flies flying over somewhere, aomething like that,  but woddever,  it'll be a very important meeting, especially if I'm there.  I agree with Nick, that's myself.  Cunt.

The LibDems' Tory candidate, Mr Dominic Nipple-Clamp Carman, 
is led away from the Barnsley count, vowing to gimp another day.

By-election results

  • Dan Jarvis (Lab) 14,724
  • Jane Collins (UKIP) 2,953
  • James Hockney (C) 1,999
  • Enis Dalton (BNP) 1,463
  • Tony Devoy (Ind) 1,266
  • Dominic Carman (LD) 1,012
  • Kevin Riddiough (Eng Dem) 544
  • Howling Laud Hope (Loony) 198
  • Michael Val Davies (Ind) 60
Lab maj 11,771: Turnout 36.5%


PT Barnum said...

Dominic Carman, son of George Carman QC and the candidate who failed to remember having been introduced to the Newsnight producer ten minutes before he approached her to ask for her vote. On camera. Quality candidates everywhere you look. In someone's mind, anyway.

Verge said...

Twat was on the radio this morning complaining that everywhere he went while campaigning he was verbally abused.

What did he fucking expect?

call me ishmael said...

Mr Clegg certainly looked out of sorts, this morning; being a wartime deputy prime minister is obviously taking its toll, must be time for another break. He does do well, doesn't he, working as late as three pm some days. One must constantly revise one's opinion of the Cleggie phenomenon, seldom have we been deputy-led by one with such qualities.

That Carman, that explains his unusual, even by Gimpsters' standards, prattishness. My turn to take a kicking, he warbled. It's kicking up and down the M1 he needs, on the boot-ends of the unemployed.

Woman on a Raft said...

Wouldn't you think that Dominic Carman, out of all men on earth, would run screaming if an LD turned up and offered him to join the party?

Somethings I just can't understand.

mongoose said...

It's my Party and I'll cry if I want to.

As loud(ly) as you like.

call me ishmael said...

He really is a card, that Damian. On the PeeEm programme just now he revealed that Mr Clegg hadn't even phoned to commiserate with him, in the hour of his humiliation. He's busy. running the country, quoth Damian, sorting out the mess Labour left; an excuse for everything, that, even bad manners. What DO they teach these oiks at their expensive schools?