I LOVE MY AULD HIGHLAND MAMMY.
NO, SHE DIVORCED ME BECAUSE I WAS GAY,
NO, BECAUSE I'M A DRUNK,
NO, BECAUSE I'M AN INTOLERABLE, OPINIONATED SHITHEAD.
ISN'T IT YOUR FUCKING ROUND?
Nick Clegg's speech on whatever it is, Lebanon, no Libya, is it Libya, it is Libya, is very good and repays close scrutiny and I have been scrutinalising it all day, which is what you'd expect. Of one former party leader to another former party leader. No, it is very good. And it sets out all the whatyoumaycallits, all the options in the current crisis, whatever it is. He is in the govament, in fact he's the Deputy Prime Minister, so you'd expect him to agree with them. As I do. Not that we are not separate parties. Which we aren't. Did I mention I was the youngest ever dipsomaniac in the House? Where's Ian Hislop and Paul Merton? Aren't they on tonight?
Do I agree with the Coalition? What, about bombing the wogs? Well, we are where we are, the Devil, as ever, is in the details and clearly, in a very real sense, at the end of the day, the bottom line is that in an ideal world with the benefit of hindsight I have always made my position perfectly clear. Is the BBC bar closed, or what?
waking-up as charles kennedy is a terrible disease, if you have been affected by any of the issues in tonight's Newsnight visit www.dogshootershaveissues2.com and make contact with some other drunken, pontificating, ginger prats