An Oriental perspective.
The first in a series of exclusive interviews in which famous Japanese people tell us how they are feeling about the terrible events back home. The famous avant garde artist and shithead, Ms Yoko Ono, reflects on common, unartistic people, drowning and being crushed alive in her homeland.
Herro to all my fans. Yoko is with you. As I say in my song, Let It Be, when I find myself in time of trouble, mother Yoko comforts me. I am thousands of miles away but I can feel your pain and for an artist like me, distance is non-existen, you can buy my works of art online. And I would just like to say that if my darling John was alive we would both be concerned to make an artistic contribution to my fans in Japan, now that they are in such difficulties. As an artist my fans are very important to me and their money keeps on adding to the enormous fortune I have earned from my art. I think that is so important to an artist. Writing all those Beatles songs with John was the early flowering of my creative genius. And when I hear that Yesterday is being played publicly on Japanese public sector broadcasting I am touched to think that John and I wrote it together about our love, one of the times he was beating me up. Although I do hope the Japs are paying the right royalties to me. It is not, as any artist knows, about the money, it is to do with protecting the artistic integrity of the Ono-Lennon brand. And the money. I mean, if people could hear Beatles music for free it wouldn't be worth anything, would it?
If John was alive today we could take some naked photographs of our front bottoms and sell them to the Japanese people for, oh, say just ten dollars apiece, just imagine how that would lift their spirits. They could just focus on the photos and breath, in a cosmic sort of way. They would very soon find that they were feeling better about the radiation and losing their homes and everything. It was photos like those, of John and I,
From the Ono-Lennon album, Two Tossers.
which helped end war in the world. You know, things were different in the 'sixties. My message to my slope-eyed fans, concerned about radiation sickness? Buy my new album, it rocks. And even if you can't play it because you are living in a muddy tent with no power, don't worry, just look at the album, it's every bit as good as listenting to it (Better, Sir P McCartney, Liverpool and New Hampshire but mainly New Hampshire.) The main thing is that, like me, they make some sacrifice for their art. John and I, for instance, had to sacrifice his first wife and son on the altar of our love. But it only made them better people. And John did give her a hundred thousand pounds, after all, to last the rest of her life.
Yoko Ono was talking to Jonafun Woss; for the full interview, in which Jonafun asks the eighty-year old if she takes it up the Gary, see the currrent edition of the Radio Times. Yoko's hot new album, Etudes, A Cat Screams As It Is Skinned Alive, on Sony records, is available in a signed, limited Edition, price £999, order your copy now to avoid disappointment.