GORMLESS INBRED PRICK, SORRY, PRINCE TO MARRY AIRHEAD TOTTY, OK YAH!
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His Royal Highness, Prince Gormless of Wales, is set to wed society beauty and sensible girl, Kate something-or-other in a national extravaganza but scaled-down a little bit because of all the jobless, homeless, hopeless people who will nevertheless be cheering-on their future monarch and monarchess. From their cardboard boxes. And serve 'em right, too, how dare they be care workers? Say what you like about our Wills being a pampered fuckwit who can barely speak but at least he's fought fer 'is country, said Kelvin McFawkes, tabloid spokesman, sort of; worn a uniform, anyway. Which is more than these public sector people can claim.
PRINCE HARRY HEWITT, ANOTHER ONE OF THE FUCKERS
Prince Harry Nazi was interviwed by Kelvin McCunt about the Big Day. Best man? You bet. A ruck, I should think so, specially if there's any Pakis there, only mean it in fun, like; served alongside some nignogs, jolly good blokes, for jungle bunnies, as m'Grandad would say; he's really cool, Phil the Greek. No, seriously I am thrilled for Wills, although if he dies, I'll get to be King, knowhaddamean? You can take this blood's thicker'n water thing too far. And anyway, in our case it's not.
YOU CAN ALL FUCK OFF, WHAT?
Just as long as he doesn't think he's getting my job, that's the main thing; otherwise they both might find themselves upside-down in a Paris underpass, Dieu et mon droit, that's the thing, droit de signeur, that's another one, might give the little minx one myself. I'm allowed.
This is a great day for our country, says David Cameron.
Well, if I was a proper prime minister they would have consulted me but since I'm not they just told me. But never mind, I'm jolly glad that there's a diversion to all Georgie Spunkface's bloodletting, that's the main thing. And we must all say to the nation, That's enough backsliding, never mind your jobs and homes and services, the happiness of these two young millionaires, that's what the nation should be focussed on. We should all stop being selfish and concentrate on the important things, like the monarchy, although I can actually trace my family back further than these Hohenzollern-Saxe-Gotha- Battenberg-Windsor fuckpigs. God Save the Coalition! I mean Queen. And down with personal photographers, that's what I say. Now.
TAXI FOR MISS MIDDLETON, IF SHE FUCKS UP.
OTHER ROYAL BRIDES.
AND OH, THE STORIES I COULD TELL.
YES, BUT NOT NOW DEAR, NOT NOW.