Tuesday, 16 November 2010




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His Royal Highness, Prince Gormless of Wales, is set to wed society beauty and sensible girl, Kate something-or-other in a national extravaganza but scaled-down a little bit because of all the jobless, homeless, hopeless people who will nevertheless be cheering-on their future monarch and monarchess. From their cardboard boxes. And serve 'em right, too, how dare they be care workers?  Say what you like about our Wills being a pampered fuckwit who can barely speak but at least he's fought fer 'is country, said Kelvin McFawkes, tabloid spokesman, sort of;  worn a uniform, anyway.  Which is more than these public sector people can claim.


 Prince Harry Nazi was interviwed by Kelvin McCunt about the Big Day. Best man? You bet.  A ruck, I should think so, specially if there's any Pakis there, only mean it in fun, like;  served alongside some nignogs, jolly good blokes, for jungle bunnies, as m'Grandad would say;  he's really cool, Phil the Greek.  No, seriously I am thrilled for Wills, although if he dies, I'll get to be King, knowhaddamean? You can take this blood's thicker'n water thing too far.  And anyway,  in our case it's not.


Just as long as he doesn't think he's getting my job, that's the main thing; otherwise they both might find themselves upside-down in a Paris underpass, Dieu et mon droit, that's the thing, droit de signeur, that's another one, might give the little minx one myself. I'm allowed.

This is a great day for our country, says David Cameron.

Well, if I was a proper prime minister they would have consulted me but since I'm not they just told me. But never mind, I'm jolly glad that there's a diversion to all  Georgie Spunkface's bloodletting, that's the main thing. And we must all say to the nation, That's enough backsliding, never mind your jobs and homes and services, the happiness of these two young millionaires,  that's what the nation should be focussed on.  We should all stop being selfish and concentrate on the important things, like  the monarchy, although I can actually trace my family back further than these Hohenzollern-Saxe-Gotha- Battenberg-Windsor fuckpigs. God Save the Coalition!  I mean Queen. And down with personal photographers, that's what I say. Now.





Agatha said...

Steady, now, Ish, There's still the Tower of London for your sort. Pouring your vitriol on this great and glorious day for Britain - I wonder what the extra bad news is that they will be launching now that our heads are all turned by the big white dress?

jgm2 said...

I know she was a bit of a nutter and I know she was putting it around a bit but that is one babelicious-yummy-mummy picture of the royal petri-dish.

call me ishmael said...

Yes, I've used it before, mr jgm2, the best of her that I've ever seen. You don't get pictures like this at order-order.

Mike said...

Good to see Mr I and Mr jgm2 agree on something at long last.

PT Barnum said...

"Taxi for Miss Middleton"

Ouch! There is, however, something very Edgar Allen Poe-ish about giving your bride your dead mother's engagement ring.

This marriage is pure bread and circuses. Wall-to-wall frock makers and psychologists for months to come. Argh!

call me ishmael said...

Especially when your dead mother was so regally fucked-over by your live father. Honestly, I don't know how that worthless prick dares show his face, never mind moralise at the rest of us. Fuck 'em all is what I say, Up against the palace wall, motherfuckers.

Dick the Prick said...

Oh, God. The constant vox pops, the jobsworths opining on utter trivia, the blanket drivel. Hmm...prepare for tedium.

Woman on a Raft said...

Bloody hell; that ring is cursed. It should have been broken and sold on, not put on some other poor sod's finger.

Anyway, they need to get on with it. Ovaries don't keep forever.

mongoose said...

It is a particular vileness, Mrs WOAR, is it not? The poor woman. What has she ever done to deserve her Lord of the Rings moment? Get to the blasted jewellers and buy the girl a ring, you daft prat. Never mind what Daddy's PR idiot says. "Ah, yes, Your Highness, it will rehabilitate the values of public service inherent in the institution of Royal Marriage. A new generation but the enduring constancy of the monarchy..." Bastards. The child should know already and she's not even got to the altar rail yet.

Anonymous said...

Isn't that Sally Bercow?

Verge said...
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a young Anglo-Irish catholic said...

Well, no, I cannot join the Diana fan club.

She was, perhaps sadly, a fully paid up member of the thicko, badly educated, mummy ran away and left us, Sloaneocracy. Nasty streak, as well, when people didn't fall into line.

But she in a terrible mess, really. Not of her own doing in the first instance.

Once she chucked herself down stairs while pregnant, Brian called it a day. I can understand.

Brian, not a sympathetic figure. Even the Queen has big doubts.

I maybe of the humblest stock, but I was just 10 ft from the lectern during the speeches at Brian's second wedding. His speech - never leaked oddly - was bracing in its condemnation of the media.

He also toasted his Granny in her dislike of the press. When he finished he looked to the Queen for encouragement. Brenda was smiling but looked away having barely caught his eye.

Oh yes. Saw it meeself, sir. Bizzarre. I think the Queen is thinking, fuck me, Edward 7th all over again.

PS The current Mrs YAIC works partly for William. Polite, thoughful, decent bloke she says.

call me ishmael said...
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call me ishmael said...

That's very interesting thanks, but we are all, mr yaic, every son of Adam, of the humblest stock and most of us, if I may make so bold, are polite, thoughtful, decent blokes - those not in sway to skymadeupnewsandfilth - and manage to be so without regiments of retainers and servants or mrs yaics working for us.

Many of us, too, are bracing in our condemnation of the media without it having personally affronted us, as it has the Prince of fucking Wales.

I would see them all re-homed in properties more in line with their status as unemployed immigrant spongers and their residences and allowances given to the more deserving poor.

Your synopsis of the young Diana is fair enough, one need only look at her loathsome brother to detest the whole fucking shower of them - but even so, wasn't HRH just a dirty old man, his family and "Court" a dreadful gang of thugs and bullies, our Gracious Queen, perched atop the lot of them, egging them on, only brought to Earth by the public tunult, without it quite happy to say Good riddance to bad rubbish ?

It was all - and continues to be - a revolting spectacle, the life and times of Brian but he, the poncing, idle fuckpig, may console himself with the thought that while there may have been at least three in the marriage there was only one in the coffin.

William would strike me as a more decent, polite and thoughtful bloke if he had run away from home; left his revolting father and family and made a life for himself.