STAGGERINGLY OVER-PROMOTED FOX-TROTTING NITWIT BREAKS MORE PROMISIES.
DR VINCE CUNT, THE PEOPLE'S TRUSTED FRIEND
You see, the thing about a Pledge is that it's not a sincere and binding declaration, or anything like that, of course it's not, it's just bollocks, spin and lies, for the voters, and I can give a solemn undertaking that I don't mean any of mine. It's like, you know how I said I would never join the Tories and now I have, simple really, we politicians have to do what's in the best interests of our careers, I mean, I was never gonna be a minister as a Liberal Democrat, was I? Now, slow-slow, quick-quick-slow.......
PREFECT ADOPTS STRONG LINE.
Am I saying that all my MPs promised to do one thing and now I want them to do the very opposite thing? Yes, of course I am. Is it hard being a worthless piece of shit? No, not really. But am I making a good job of it? Of course I am. Look, I simply have to do what the IMF tells me. And my good friend Mr CallHimDave, which I do. And he calls me fag, which is as it should be, at any decent school.
LibDem MPs are said to be angry - now, there would be a sight, angry, bisexual, untrustworthy sandal-weavers, wouldn't it - at Cable and Clegg reneging on a promise that they woild resist rises in student tuition fees. Quite how angry they are, we shall see, the LibDems' morality being as elastic as Straight Simon Hughes's warty bottom. This is the way of old NewLabour, always going to be a Govament-defeating rebellion on the back benches, Bob Marshall-Andrews, Jeremy Corbyn, all the conscience-peddlars and then, at the last minute, a compromise is reached, concessions, they claim, are wrung from the the govament, which allows honourable members to live with their dishonour. Such creatures are these, crawling and squirming in the daylight, munching on the corpse of the body politic, stroked and tickled by giggling Martha Kearney, brash Jeremy Paxman and hysterical Adam Lard, all rowing together.
Next week: The LibDem policy on The Iraq Invasion. Well, we thought it wrong at the time but now, given the mess that Labour's left you all in - but not us, obviously, we're great - we think it was absolutely the right thing to do.