Monday, 25 May 2009


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Alan Johnson, a government postman, said today that in order for the people to work harder for their rulers – him and his mates – they had to be given more choices to make about things.

We plan to offer customers in our hospitals a range of options tailored to their individual knees, I mean needs, they should be able to go into hospital with a full range of choices as to the manner in which they meet their ends thus ceasing to be a burden on the public finances, unlike myself and the lads in guvament.

In future customers will be able to choose between death by surgical incompetence, over-prescription of heavy-duty drugs, starvation as a result of nursing neglect, as well as the traditional range of hospital acquired infections such as C –Difficult and that other one, the alphabet one, MP3, whatever.

In offering this range of choices we will deliver our customers a health service fit for the fourteenth century.

It is by reforms such as this that NewLabour will secure an unprecedented other term, with me as Head Postmaster. And Gordon in the loony bin.


Dick the Prick said...

The sheer bloody audacity of the man - we've all been voting wrong - obviously.

To be fair, and whilst my frustration is immense (& turning into a sort of numb boredom) - I genuinely think the Daily Telegraph have put a rocket up their arses which makes North Kareer off a cliff seem like fire crackers.

'Oh lordy - we can't lose our jobs for reasons beyond our understanding unlike you utter cunts - we're Em Pties donncha know?'

Fuck em all - they get a years fucking severance + whatever they've robbed whereas I got £8k for 10 years and I couldn't decide what day to fuck off.

Sorry - semi rant. Best bugger off and get some beer suppose. Cheers Ishmael.

Daisy said...

It's his suiting that frightens me. You couldn't pay me enough to be seen in public looking like that. That's before we get to the haircut. He looks like his mum's given him right good seeing to on his first day at big school.

Prime Minister? Please tell me they're joking. Although, considering the present incumbent, I can begin to see where they're coming from....

call me ishmael said...

Caligula made a horse his consul; Gordon the Ruiner made Alan Johnson his health secretary; the horse was probably the wiser selection. Like Flint and the Ballses and Milliband, Johnson's preferment mocks the idea that things would improve once Tony and Imelda were gone and Gordon in charge. It's not even as though he was a postman, just a union parasite, like Prescott, good for fuck all. He'll never be prime minister but that won't stop him thinking he's worthy to be. Amazing, isn't it ?