Tuesday, 12 May 2009


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What I don’t get is poor people. Complaining all the time. Why didn’t they go to Cambridge, sidle into the BBC, for life, as half of a whining, unamusing comically atonal duo, from there onto Question Time with Dimbles (Oxon, third class PPE, Bullingdon Club member) and then onto the Guardian with Alan Arsebridger (Cantab)? I mean, Stephen Fry done it, I’ve done it, John Cleese done it. All these poor bastards have to do is go to Oxbridge and know the right people, or be born to parents who know the right people. That would shut their fucking moaning.


Dick the Prick said...

I liked the Smoking Room that Webb did. Mitchell did a faux confessional about 4 weeks back where he couldn't understand people calling him a cunt and titter titter came up with the phrase 'you can't be too careful' - hmm...there's 1 born every minute. Newsnight last night was rather unapologetically contemptuous. Whilst we may have got bored with expenses - those sad cunts are on seek & destroy mode; good. The BBC's budget is unteneble and I stopped caring ages ago - ever since Yentob got screen time (24 hour Fiona Bruce is worth serious taxation though!!).

an ex-apprentice said...

Greetings, Mr Ishmael.

I trust you are well? Taking plenty of long walks? Not too briskly, mind, Buster's little legs will get fair worn out. Drinking deeply of that clean Scottish air? Cough, cough!

I thought Dave came through today quite well, took decisions and all that, showed a bit of leadership. But then Theresa May popped up on telly tonight and ruined it. That bloody woman has a capacity for snatching defeat from the jaws of victory that is quite unsurpassed.

Every time she opens her stupid, vapid mouth you can almost feel the opinion polls draining away as the viewers collectively lose the will to live and start throwing things at the screen. Surely I can't be the only one who feels this way? Is their no-one in the Tory party who realises what a total fucking liability she is? There must be some dusty, cobwebbed cupboard in some corner of the Commons where she could be locked away and forgotten about? In a year or so someone might wonder vaguely whatever happened to that dreadful woman, whatsername, Fay, Gay, summat like that?

Did you see Ruiner on Sky tonight? If the interviewer had pressed for an answer on why he didn't sack Smith or McNutter I reckon Brown would have cracked completely - he'd have either started shouting or started crying. God he looked rough - lovely wasn't it?

Then there's that guttersnipe of a Speaker. What a pair he and Brown make - hard to know which of them is less suited for the position they hold.

Surely this farce cannot continue?

woman on a raft said...

Best joke of the day had to be Cameron trying to work up a convincing temper and hissing "I don't care, this was wrong, they should have known. And that's why I'm paying back the money I claimed for renovations."

If it all goes titsup for the politiking business the Official Court Jesters had better watch out because he'll be pitching for a 13-part dom com where he plays a poor boy dun good who marries a ditzy brunette millionairess of the aristocracy, with hilarious results.

And we'll be paying for it - again.

Dick the Prick said...

Political parties are filled with people who don't understand politics. Perhaps that its nature - it can't be understood. There's a clause in the (don't quote me - have very poor detail memory) public health & civic act (that is almost certainly wrong) but we're all getting local council executives run by someone on a 4 year tenure (April 2010 - maybe not you Ishmael living in the best part of England) and my constitution allows a Mayor who's been voted out to remain serving for 3 weeks!! Are we fucking federal now? Edmund fucking Burke is kicking the top off his coffin and is ready to rip heads off. The utter utter utter gimps. I absolutely despise Labour and i'm happy with 5 years of Tory shite just to do a job and then this groundswell of public disaffection may have organized itself seriously.

I genuinely hate democracy - I find it a pointless cabal of middlemen & charlatans but to hoof this Act off on the river is appalingly bad manners. Cameron has done alright work but I fear it's been run as a PR campaign and the bad PR not the fake elections shit. He probably only wants 5 years to be fair - he's gonna get bitch slapped every fucking day.

You've got to take your hat off to the Telegraph - sterling work. Bravo!

call me ishmael said...

It can continue; you presume a bedrock of decency which, given the current disgrace, must sunder with embarrassment, bringing denoument and downfall; that bedrock is not there, they know not Shame; the press,furthermore, especially the paper press, whilst enjoying an increased readership through these entirely predictable revelations, has no appetite for the only legitimate response to all this - Revolution and Up against the wall, Motherfuckers.

The Lobby Telegraphists must have known all this stuff for years, it's no big deal, nothing surprising, of course members of the club do this, this is all they do and the ones too cute to leave a paper trail - Steven Pound's and Stewart Bell's right dead honest ninety-nine per cent - are supposed to be paid nit-pickers, fault-finders, scrutineers of malfeasance, how come all these clever fuckers didn't know what shit this one per cent were getting everybody into. It's all bollocks got up by the press, the bloggers and the party leaders to maintain the status quo. Shitstorm in a teacup. What's the news? Politicians are thieving unprincipled shameless amoral cocksucking shit-eating worthless sonsoffuckingbitches fucking each others' spouses partners rentboys, betraying the country, it's forces, it's sick and elderly, it's young, acting as pimps for any dodgy business that bungs them a few quid, selling seats, information and influence,grabbing every junket, accepting every bribe, fiddling every allowance, overstating every expense and showering themselves with honours and pensions and homes ? Fuck me, Mr an ex apprentice, next you'll be telling me they take drugs, too.

Continue ? It's been continuing like this since the Old fucking Testament.

Power and Money will find some ameliorative window dressing, some sacrificial lamb, some full and far-reaching cover-up. You know that. Eeverybody fucking knows that.

If you want false hope go and read Guido. Mandelson was gonna be toast oh, some six months ago, Levy was going to jail, Peter Hain was going under; after the Charity Commission comment on the Smith Institute Brown was done for, Brown was done for after the Abrahams affair, Gorbals Mick was a goner twelve months ago, Brown was done for after the banking shit, Brown was done for after Dunfermline East, Harman was done for after hubby was made to took like an eejit over illegal donations, Prescott was done for, the Ballses were done for, Jacqui Schmidt's been done for a hundred times, JockLabour was done for, Codger McCain would romp home. Fuck me, Jesus, if that was a horse they'd shoot it.

Outrage and Hysteria, the whole fucking nation is addicted to it; now, Mrs woman on a raft is righter than she knows, politics, too, is soap opera. Soap opera runs for ever, bloggers chasing it's sub plots and it's cliff-hangbers down Tediums alleyways. Continue? Well some of the faces may change but that's about it; axiomatically. anyone who might make a difference is always prevented from reaching the house of commons. It won't change itself other than cosmetically and then it and the papers can return, re-enamoured of each other, to bashing single mothers, wogs, fat people and the disabled, all of whom, by George, must be made to work harder, like honourable members

Dick the Prick said...

What else? The last refuge, the bolt hole of propriety. I couldn't give a fuck what people think; it ain't rude - I couldn't give a shit what I think: there's a job of work to be done. Just calm this bullshit down.

The Dyer's Garden said...

Just swap the british parliament with all the women and children in palestine: they would probably cost the same, do an excellent job of running the country, and that way we can save them all from those evil zionists. Kill two birds with one stone, is it.

call me ishmael said...

Dear Mr Dyers Garden

You are obviously new to this humanitarian stuff.

Mr Hoon the property millionaire and socialist MP is still awaiting the thanks of those Iraqi bitches whose children he dismembered with illegal munitions. He said they would thank him one day; what are they like, these bereaved mothers. As for the Paliwomen well, over at Guido's they send Pizza, don't they, for every one gutted or burned alive. Patriotism, the last refuge of the drunked driver.

woman on a raft said...

Soap opera - that's overstating it. I'm working on the basis that politics is pornography for ugly people.