Tuesday, 26 May 2009


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Good evening, this is the six oclock news from the BBC with me, Huw Welshman. Abolish himself, that’s what he says, isn’t it, Cameron the Bully, look you, if his gang wins the next election, which,lets fucking face it viewers, he ought to but probably won't, isn't it. Here’s Nick Robinson, the BBC’s amazing self-fellating gabshite. Yes, Huw, I interviewed Mr Fuckwit earlier and here’s what he had to say. Well, Nick, as I go around the country meeting homeless Labour voters and small goneoutofbusinesses this is what they say to me: Why don’t you just fuck off, Lord Snooty, you useless, braying, coked-up nincompoop ? And d’you know, Nick, that’s exactly what I’m gonna do. When I’m prime minister I will abolish the Tory party and all its works and just have ordinary people getting all the expenses, starting all the wars, fucking-up all the services, exactly as I tell them, and if they don’t, well, you can see what happened to my fiddling bastards, nothing.

You know, Nick, one of the young hoodie gentlemen approached me at a dinner party the other evening, How would it be, like, he asked, if I was to, right, stop burgling people’s ‘ouses in like, a year’s time, right ? That would mean that nuffin else would ‘appen to me, like, for all the uvver burglaries wot I already done; like standin’down from being a burglar, that would, like, be my punishment, right, like them Wintertons and them geezers Steen and Conway ? Absolutely, old boy, I replied, just like me, pay back the money you mistakenly stole, or a bit of it anyway, for form’s sake, mustn’t embarrass the party, that’s the main thing, even though I am going to abolish it and stand for PM as Dave, the Nowhere Man, You Know Where You Are With The Nowhere Man, Nowhere, that’ll be my new logo thing. So, anyway, I thanked the young hoody gentleman, paid him for the drugs, and,assured of his vote, went back to my dinner guests, all of whom will be abolished.

Nick, he sounds barking, a mental case, he wasn't talking all this shite a few weeks ago, before they all got caught with their cocks in the till.

Huw, that's right, he is barking, worse than the other one, makes up some new initiative every five minutes, it'll probably be abolishing the monarchy tomorrw...

Nick, does it matter what he says ...?

Huw, not in the slightest, mate, not in the slightest.....and nwo back to you in the studio.

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