Thursday, 21 May 2009
FAT MAN TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH HIS DINNER
I WANT MY DINNER!
Mr Lord Fatty Rennard, a very large Liberal Democrat, is to resign his post as the the party’s Chief Fat Executive.
"It is impossible to exaggerate Chris's immense contribution to the Liberal Democrats expenses bill over the years” said Mr Nick Haircut, Chief Toileteer, "Without Chris's unique skills as one of the country's most astute and effective expenses fiddlers I doubt that the party would now have the largest number of clapped out, overweight, alcoholic, bisexual, copraphiliac MPs in decades."
Lord Fatty is reported to have claimed over £40,000 for a second home when he owned a flat near Westminster, but his announced resignation was nothing to do with criticism of him being a thieving bastard, just like all of them, fuck, no. In a statement announcing his planned departure, Lord Rennard said he wanted more time "outside the Westminster bubble" for himself and his dinners. And his breakfasts and lunches and afternoon teas and elevenses.
They are very big shoes to step into, said David, Lord Steel, the party's smiling abortionist-in-chief, but I think I'm up to the job, what's the exes like?