Thursday, 24 November 2011





Counsel to the show,  Mr Anthony Chevenix-Beard:

You need no introduction from me, Ms Crow, you are one of the most famous businesswoman in the world….

JKC:  Actually, I am a businesswoman…..

ACB:  Yes, that’s what I said…..

JKC You need to be careful or else I’ll put my lawyers on you.  Or my publishers.  Or my PR team. You know, I just simply fail to see why you would ask that question…..

ACB: I haven’t asked any questions, yet.  But do you think you might confirm your name…?

JKC:  Yes my name is JayKay Crow. And I’m very rich.  Not that it matters.  I live a fairly normal life, running my megabusiness and suing newspapers.

ACB:  Yes, quite, and if we could turn to paragraphs one to five hundred and three in your witness statement……

JKC:  If I could just say that we businesspeople are not like other people, not that there’s anything wrong with other people.  It’s just that me and my husband, who is private, and my publishers and  my marketing team and Warner Brothers  and the BBC all just want  to bombard every child in the world with my brand and make their parents buy my product and all the franchised materials, whether they want to or not.  Nothing wrong with that.  But when people start bombarding me with questions well, that’s a different thing.  I don’t make any money out of it, for one thing.  And, well, that’s enough.  I should be able to walk down Prince’s Street in Edinburgh where I sometimes live, although you may not broadcast the fact, I should be able to walk down Prince’s Street dressed in thousand-pound notes if I want to and not have  people  asking me  just how  the fuck I get away with all this shit?

Lord Levo: I am conscious, your ladyship,  that you have given up your time to come here, so if you would like a ten-minute break to confer with your lawyers about whether anyone has printed anything about you today, that will be fine by me.   And actually I could, myself, do with a Tom Tit  and a snort of the old marching powder.

All rise.


a young anglo-irish catholic said...

Glorious....never thought of the parallel between Rowling pushing her stuff on everyone and not expecting the reverse.

Still, she thinks Gordo is wonderful....

P T Barnum said...

I missed Mummy Potter's self-pity but I did catch a glimpse of the inquiry team basking in the cast-off glow of Miss Miller's hair colourant. You could almost hear the seams of their trousers creaking under the strain... At least the latter had the modicum of decency to mouth words of compassion for a pregnant woman nearly flattened by her paparazzi posse. I get the feeling Ma Potter would regard that as mere collateral damage.

Dick the Prick said...

When are the 'real victims' in this corporate mediaminster, corruption, bribery, blackmail, fraud, treachery, honey traps, threats, violence and exposure going to give testimony? The ones who affect people's lives, the one's who make decisions in this democratic edifice of Ruin - where the fuck are Ryan Giggs and his brother's wife?

the noblest prospect said...

There's that apostrophe again. You've been up there long enough to know that there was more than one of the fuckers, so it's Princes Street, Mr Smith.

Any more of this and it'll be the Lochgelly special for you.

Pleasingly, things have been hotting up in Ishmaelia this week, but where's Mr The Dyer's Garden when you need him?

jgm2 said...

All you need to know about JK Rowling's books has already been covered 100 years ago by JRR Tolkein.

The fact that with a personal wealth of half a billion quid she chooses to live in Fucking Scotland and fund the party of Jackasses that destroyed the UK economy means that I don't give a shit if her phone is bugged, her toilet bugged or her fucking cervical coil is bugged.

Long John Silver said...

What a load of trash her books are. A series of poorly written, simplistic, traffic warden morality trash. Robert Louis Stevenson's "Treasure Island" and a host of other kids books beat it hands down.

call me ishmael said...

Yes, mr tnp, I was tired and there's a gale blowing and the power was cutting in and out and it was hard to write and my internal apostropge jihadist took over and said Look, there must be an apostrophe, even though I was fairly sure there wasn't.

As our friend requests, nevertheless, don't con-front me with my failures, I have not for-gotten them.

I thought, mr ptb, that His Holiness Lord ben Levo was gonna ask her to autograph his knob with her lipstick - for his grandchildren, you understand.

Yes, one of the richest and most persistently banal entertainers in the world and she just wants to be ordinary, send the kids down the local school, like normal folks do. Only from a manic depressive fantasist.

I long for someone to cross-examine these fuckers, like in a proper court. Maybe somebody say to her, Well, Ms Crow, just what the fuck did you expect would happen - you make-up shit, they make-up shit, that's entertainment.