Bless you, my children; in the beginning was the Gove.
MR MICHAEL SPIT-GOVE,
CABINET TEABOY AND EDUCATION SECKATRY.
One of the Coalition of Shit's non-millionaire arseholes, the saliva-exporting Micky Gove, is sending to schools copies of the King James Bible, with a new foreword by - honest, not invent - himself; spit-flecked, holy book flyleaves will, we must assume he imagines, carry his grimy little name forward into history, long after the govament which he champions is swept away on a wave of popular realism. ( a reader writes: Will that be next week, mr ishmael?)
This gesture will cost half a million pounds of disability benefit but future scholars, he imagines, will learn to revere the name of Spit, conflating his squeaky, Uriah Heep existence with those of the great scholars who originally translated and wrote the influential work - if not, actually with God, Himself.
Vanity publishing at public expense, now, that's wot I corl educayshun, Coalition-style.
(another reader writes: dear mr ishmael, given the super-abundance of Bibles in the world - Gawd strike me down if you ain't a-fallin' all over the blessed things dahn the frift shops and in the 'ospickals and the 'otels, not to mention the bleedin' Jovas bangin' on your door and the Sally Ann rattling their bleedin' tins and blowin' their fucking trumpets and then there's that silly old beardy git, wotsisname, Williams and his gang of shirtlifters and lesbos and Pope Nazi and the noncing monsigniors; I mean, 'Strewth, Christ on a fucking rope, 'snot as though there's any bleedin' shortage of the 'oly Word of God, now, is there? - given, as I say the super abundance of bibles of all types in the Western world, might it not be incumbent upon one rejoicing in the title of Education Seckatry to send the pupils, just for instance, a copy of The Origin of the Species? yours, Professor Lady Doctor Sir David Starkey, of the BBC and professor emeritus of self-publicity studies at the LSE)