Friday, 25 November 2011

WHAT THE PAPERS SAY, THE FILTH-O-GRAPH - THE BIBLE ACCORDING TO SPIT.

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Bless you, my children;  in the beginning was the Gove.

MR MICHAEL SPIT-GOVE,
CABINET TEABOY AND EDUCATION SECKATRY.

One of the Coalition of Shit's non-millionaire arseholes,  the saliva-exporting Micky Gove,  is  sending to schools copies of the King James Bible, with a new foreword by - honest, not invent - himself;  spit-flecked, holy book flyleaves will, we must assume he imagines,  carry his grimy little name forward into history, long after the govament which he champions is swept away on a wave of popular realism.  ( a reader writes:  Will that be next week, mr ishmael?)

This gesture will cost half a million pounds of disability benefit but future scholars, he imagines, will  learn to revere the name of Spit, conflating his squeaky, Uriah Heep existence with  those of the great scholars who originally translated and  wrote the influential work - if not, actually with God, Himself.

Vanity publishing at public expense, now,  that's wot I corl educayshun, Coalition-style.

(another reader writes:  dear mr ishmael, given the super-abundance of Bibles in the world - Gawd strike me down if you ain't a-fallin' all over the blessed things dahn the frift shops and in the 'ospickals and the 'otels, not to mention the bleedin' Jovas bangin' on your door and the Sally Ann rattling their bleedin' tins and blowin' their fucking trumpets and then there's that silly old beardy git, wotsisname, Williams and his gang of shirtlifters and lesbos and Pope Nazi and the  noncing monsigniors; I mean,  'Strewth, Christ on a fucking rope, 'snot as though there's any bleedin' shortage of the 'oly Word of God, now, is there? - given, as I say the super abundance of bibles of all types in the Western world, might it not be incumbent upon one rejoicing in the title of Education Seckatry to send the pupils,  just for instance, a copy of The Origin of the Species? yours, Professor Lady Doctor Sir David Starkey, of the BBC and professor emeritus of self-publicity studies at the LSE)

7 comments:

jgm2 said...

Oh Christ. Say it ain't so.

On the up-side there'll be an economy-wrecking, moral-compass-in-his-pocket-no-honest-I'm-not-masurbating-lunatic in Fife kicking himself that he didn't come up with the idea of hi-jacking the bible and sending the thoughts of Chairman Brown into schools masquerading as a moral compass and 'prudence'.

But really, For Fuck's Sake, as you rightly point out , with enough Bibles already in existence to provide a Green alternative to heating for at least a year what do we want with another one? And, as you so rightly say, why don't they print up some basic economic texts and distribute them. Or 'Liar's Poker' or some basic maths books. Or anything at all grounded in reality. Or, failing that a boxed set of Star Wars for all the good a bible is going to do.

call me ishmael said...

It is true, mr jgm2, and a staggering conceit, even by the standards of Ruin.

Leaving aside the matter of the possible and preferable , alternativesI love the King James Bible and the thought that others now and in the future might come to it and find it hijacked by some worthless piece of shit policitician is, well.....he needs a quick rub-down with a housebrick and hanging-up from a lamp post by his scrawny vainglorious neck.

P T Barnum said...

I have on the wall over my desk a print of a painting celebrating John Wycliff, executed for the heresy of translating the Bible into English and responsible for most of the best parts of the 'King James' version.

What is now certain is that either the pupils will not recognise the object or know its intended use, or that multifaith education has left them so muddled they will be disappointed that Ganesh and Abraham do not meet Harry Potter at the end of the book.

As Wycliff was robbed of his life and his legacy was rubbed out with historical revisionism, so Gove continues a long tradition of the meaningless gestures of noblesse oblige, while all our children are rendered suitably stupid and ignorant, just as Wycliff's inquisitors wished them to be.

call me ishmael said...

Amen, mr ptb and Up against the wall, motherfuckers.

Burnt, wasn't he, Wycliff, for undermining state and clergy?

yardarm said...

Can`t think how St Tony missed this trick...and the Lord did line the pockets of the Jug Eared Jesus and boy, did he keep on lining....and St Tone and Cherie adorned in raiment of white did go down unto the banks of the Jordan to see the child of Rupe annointed in the love of the Loot...

Yes, a few history books would be a good idea, there should be a few kicking around after those library closures. Just to give us, re Mr jgm2`s point of the last thread, just a slight chance we don`t end up here again.

mongoose said...

I'd laugh if I wasn't crying. Unspeakable bastard. Just horrible.

Edgar said...

Hmm, I wonder how the families of Muslim children will react to this largesse.