VOTE FOR ME, IT'S THE RIGHT SOL-YOU-SHUN

PREMIER TO CALL MAKE-BELIEVE AUTUMN ELECTION.

"What have I go to lose ? No, go on, tell me, what have I got to lose?" Quips upbeat Snotman.

From skymadeupnewsandfilth's ADAM LARD, our resident fat hypocrite.

AL: Hello prime minsiter


Hello Everybody, Gordon Brown here, the prime minister of sinister, the Nancy from the Mansey...

"TWO FOURS ARE FOUR, THREE FOURS ARE SEVEN
FOUR FOURS ARE THIRTY SIX, FIVE FOURS ARE EIGHTY-ONE."

and as I go around the country meeting people I have bankrupted and telling those waving their P45s at me about all the new Sol-you-shuns I am devising literally everyday, so many that there is scarcely any space left on the back of the envelope, to get them back into work only there isn't any work and going to be less than not any at all as we climb out of the recession which started in America and only I was able to save the world from by giving everybody's money to Sir Fred Goodwin and my other financial wise men advisers in the other banks who had brought us, or you, rather, no more boom and bust until it changed slightly into no more boom and jobs and houses or even gold to back up the currency of which we are printing so much on a never-mind-the-quantitive-easing-feel-the-winds-of-Ruin basis as I go around the country, Adam, on my faked-up meet the people trips I have noticed that people are more reticent than previously in their confirmation that I am the only person in the country fit to keep on making excuses and shifting the blame for my own behaviour onto, well, anybody really. In short, where once the 'papers and the blogs were alive, Adam, with stories about me, it is almost as though I was now dead and people were mourning me, albeit in an eccentric, ribald fashion.

AL: You mean Fuck Off Brown, ya mad gimpy bastard.......

.......And another thing, among the people whose sons and husbands and brothers and females have made the ultimate sacrifice for Presidents Khazi and Obama to be able to rig the election. just as I plan to do, there seems a distinct reluctance to give me due credit for keeping terrorism off the streets, if, that is, you don't count the Metropolitan Police, and leaving them safe for unemployed and homeless persons to sleep on as a temporary consequence of there being no more no more boom and bust, or anything, really.Only shit. Peter Hain And Peter Mandelstein back in Government, shows what I think of the bogosphere, eh?

As a son of the fucking Manse I can quickly consult my moral compass and truthfully say that mine is a distinguished record on which to fight an election - no more no more boom and bust, five million children lifted from poverty into debt without ever having had any money, the schools fucked, the hospitals fucked, the poor having to pay-off the debts of the untaxed rich, the children illiterate, knifing one another and gang-raping grandmothers and setting fire to sleeping vagrants, the armed forces near mutiny and the cabinet already there - and that is just exactly what I am going to do as soon as, at the Conference, our partners in the Trade Union movement have given me enough money to pay my busfares around the constituency, as long as I promise peerages for Brother Woodley and Bruther Prentiss.

I am an old hand at not being elected to the prime ministership; I did it last time and I am sure I can do it this time. The thing is, you see, not to let anybody vote apart from those people you have promised jobs to, like the gobby crack whore, Ms Flint and the greedy hamster, Ms Blears, only not Mr Badger who is my true friend and an excellent chancellor who won't dream of letting me sack him and send him back to conveyancing tenement flats in Edinburgh or whatever grubby career he used to have before I taught him arithmetic.

The nation needs to elect me before anything else goes wrong; cynical persons might well ask, what else COULD go wrong, absolutely everything being fucked already. Well that's a fair question and I'm glad people ask it because the answer is every fucking thing, we could and probably will, no matter what some fuckwit wanker at the Financial Times says, crash into a Ruinous Slump which will make the Dark Ages look like U-fucking-topia. And that is why the right thing to do is have me as prime minister, again.

ADAM LARD: Are you saying to Mr Murdoch's viewers, prime minister, and therefore to Him,

Mr Rupert Cancer
prop. skymadeupnewsandfilth

......that you are going to the dogs, I mean the country, directly after the conference season ?
Prime minister, what's this talk of a snap election?

Well, Adam, any day now a helicopter full of my troops is going to fall out of the Afghan skies and then even if I sack that useless prick Ainsworth, there'll be Hell to pay, even though it's their job to die for nothing, the troops, that is and that's why their widows can all have a nice medal I invented for Bravery, my own strong suit, Adam, - well, brave hiding, anyway - and any day now people are going to realise that they're all gonna lose their pensions, as we quite properly shift the nation's resources from public service into the paypackets, or bonuses, as I think they are called, of our very necessary banking community which is so valiantly saving us from the recession it caused and any day now what I have not managed to destroy of our industry will be moved overseas to our old enemy Fritz, so why should I wait to have an election, it's not as though things are going to get better ?


AL: Well, how can you win, whenever you call it, you are an utter cunt, aren't you.....good, as the plumbers say, for fuck all?

With respect Adam, that's not the question that people are asking, the question that people are asking is which party ís doing the most to deal with the recession which started in America and which no-one, absolutely no-one, apart from the man in the street, but no-one of any importance saw coming and we, the men in the armoured limousines and bombproof pensions can't be blamed for, any more than we can be blamed for fiddling our expenses which none of us were, only a few who have been paid off and agreed to be made an example of; that those of us who make the important decisions are entirely protected from those consequences, be it the two so-called main parties voting, at Mr Alistair Campbell's insistence, for the Iraq Holocaust or be it all the politicians voting for me giving the banks all the people's money, well, this is the right thing then, the right decision for the country and all honourable and right honourable members are determined that I should be elected prime minister, or if not me, one of them, which, as you know, Adam, amounts to the same thing. The main thing which you and I and Mr Cancer are agreed upon is that we shall fight to the last man to keep the legislature in the hands of his servants and out of the filthy hands of ordinary people, who know nothing, least of all what is good for them. Vote for me. Or if not me, some other mad, wicked bastard.

AL: So, prime minister what you are saying is that it doesn't really matter who wins the election. Or even if we have one or not ?

Well, yes, exactly, Adam, not to us anyway. You've made a pot, I've made a pot, all our friends have made shitloads of money, we will continue, even me, to rake it in, media, politics, law, business, all one big happy greedy family, you don't think an election's gonna change any of that now, don't be fucking stupid.

AL: Thank you prime minister, your escort out of the studio is waiting........