Thursday, 19 August 2010


As the great and the good - well, the rich and powerful, anyway - claim the former socialist for their own, Radio Ishmael asks Govan's own folk-hero, Rab C Nesbitt, for his view of the day's showbiz festivities.


Nah, see me, I'm still in fucking Govan, I am, but I wisnae asked. Gordon Broon? Yon mad pansy who gie all the money tae the fucking bankers and let the Tory spivs back in power? Aye, he wis there. And yon comedian,  him who's allus travelling the fuckin' world at my expense, saying everything's Eggggs-troooaaaardenry, that fucking wanker, the one who wis best mateses wi' the Duke and Duchess o' fucking York, love's Scotland so much he lives in California.  Connolly, that's him, gurning he was, in the pulpit, probly be driven tae get his  Mrs tae write another book aboot him, and all his sufferin' fer his art,  wanker. Aye, it's right,  ye ken, whenever there's an opportunity fer they rich fuckers tae pretend they're all humble, really, bonny wee urchins, like, wi' only a crust a bread tae eat, even though they're twenty-four carat, stomp-in-the-face-o-the-poor arseholes like Alec Salmond, the bankers' boy hisself, former chief economist o' the so-called Royal Bank o' Scotland and the man headin' fer a Royal arse-kickin' next election.  The pews wis fair packed wi' shiny celebrities and political thugs,  arsecreepers, like only Scotland can produce, a wonder Sir Sean Connery wisnae there, flown in  frae his chateau on the bonny, bonny banks o'Lake Geneva but maybe even this shameless crew woulda thought that was taking the piss too much.

Ordinary people, aye, they wis allowed tae stand ootside and listen to it all on loudspeakers, whiles the rich wis all inside cosyin' up tae one another; it's like some arty fucker would say: Rather a metaphor for the man himself.


Mike said...

Although I can't say I shared Jimmy's taste in politics, I did admire the man. And he could always argue his case. Head and shoulders above the current crop of mainstream phonies. In an odd sort of way Rab seems a caricature of Jimmy - I often agree with Rab's well argued rants.

call me ishmael said...

I know what you mean, but I prefer Rab. One of the reasons I removed to Scotland, mr mike, Rab C's tragical-comical-historical musings, even though I struggled to understand them; it was only when I was here that I realised he was written by an Englishman but never mind, his was and remains for me an accurate, eloquent voice, that of a people betrayed, robbed and hamstrung for centuries by its own so-called nobility, deceived, even now, by its BankersBoys, Salmond and Co, promising McNirvana; by its bent union barons and jumped-up councillors, its bitchy illiberal democrats and hard-faced, ghastly Tory matrons.

And it's probably true that I miss Rab C far more than I will ever Miss Jimmy Reid and his ultimate Splendour.

Dick the Prick said...

The recent series was a bit shite. Bud, if you went to Jockland because of hhRab, then you gonna get what you're gonna get. Very many thanks, as always.

jgm2 said...

Mr Ishmael, saw a documentary a while ago with yon Mr Reid looking back on his place in the zeitgeist.

He presented regrettably like a chap who'd belatedly realised that the whole KGB manipulated worker:management confrontation was a bit of a fucking strategic blunder for the Glasgow shipyards and the entire manufacturing well-being of the UK.

Sorry, not got a link and age had very much mellowed the fellow but to listen to him explaining how an 'experienced' ( ie Ranger's supporting war-exempted 60-year-old) would (when he felt like it - you understand) - and wasn't striking for full employment over modernisation, was the only guy in the shipyard who could be relied upon to vary the date-stamped 1890 lathe by a couple of thou' with a cigarette paper or a fag-butt in the right place made you realise how utterly bone-headed the Scots are. Like the Boers only more stupid.

At least, unlike Red-fucking-Robbo or that cunt Bob-fucking-welcome-back-to the-'70's-Crowe, they went down manufacturing stuff. And when I say 'stuff' It's in the sense of antedeluvian 'shit'.

Respect to the dead guy.


jgm2 said...

Oh, and Sir Sean Connery of Celtic FC and Nassau lives in the Bahamas as any fule kno.

call me ishmael said...

Must be Nassau AND Switzerland.

I hadn't meant to be disrespectful, my first post on Reid certainly wasn't, just sad at the way celebrity cuts people's balls off, the celebrity itself becoming more important than the cause-celebre.

Yes, the last Rab C wasn't worth the electric for the telly. I think we reviewed it before. I didn't come here just because of Rab C; it was also partly due to the fact of there being a socialist in the parliament, like Dave Nellist, in Westminster, before that clown Kinnock had him deselected, I thought, politics up there will be lively; imagine how disappointing Tearful Tommy Sheridan was.(Anyone know why his trial is taking so long in starting?)

But the main reason I am here is that it is beautiful, English Home Counties beautiful, Lake District beautiful, Yorkshire Moors beautiful and it is sparsely populated. And although some grandparents were Glaswegians I don't feel at all as though mine is a homecoming; Scotland remains, after ten years, a beautiful, enchanting, foreign country, the very best part of England.

jgm2 said...

I wasted six precious years of my life in Fucking Scotland on the strength of a clement February in 2002.

Huh, I thought, February and the weather is good. What's this nonsense I hear about shit Scottish weather. Yes, let's buy a house. Let's put the kids in school.

Yeah. The scenery is fan-fucking-tastic. When the rain, mist, fog and cold coax you from your house to take a look at it for the prevailing two or three weeks of good weather a year.

Otherwise a contiguous landmass with the same surface area as England with voluntary occupancy (apart from heavily subsidised government jobs) at 10% of the population density of England is for very good reason. Several in fact.

All boiling down to the same.

It's shit.

Scotland is deserted for the same reason the Yukon and Siberia are deserted.

On balance - it's shit.

And the politicians are in a competition to be the most incompetent, child-like, ice-cream and double-custard promising fork-tongued, lying cunts to the ambition-devoid, human-lichen, lacking-the-initiative-to-leave that it defies description.

If you want remote wilderness with inhospitable, violent, fuckwitted neighbours then you could live in Siberia or the Yukon or Afghanistan for a fraction of the cost. And you'd be legally able to defend yourself too.


Only fit for the Scots.

Nuff said.

call me ishmael said...

You need, mr jgm2, to give things time, six years isn't enough, why not come back and try again?

jgm2 said...

Mr Ishmael, was it not you lamenting a few days ago on the effects of long jail sentences on the inmates?

I took parole and left Scotland.

Be careful that you don't become just another statistic. The beaten wife syndrome. Presenting yourself at casualty on a regular basis claiming your latest injury is just you falling down the stairs or walking into a door. It's not Scotland's fault. He loves me. He really does.

Scotland and those who persist on living in such a shithole are simply suffering from beaten-wife syndrome. Scotland doesn't love you. It's not going to change. You should leave before it kills you just as it kills the people of Glasgow and reduces their life expectency to less than slum-dwellers in Black africa.

Scotland hates you. Scotland hates everybody. It is a cancerous, self-destructive shithole. If Scotland were a US state it would be where they'd stick all the Federal prisons. 'Do a crime in Florida, serve time in Scotland'.

Fucking awful place.

Give it another chance?

I don't think so.

mrs narcolept said...

I am trying to summon up the courage to do as my dear mr narcolept keeps urging and agree to move to his place in Scotland permanently, but it would mean a lot of hard work: woodburning stoves and cesspits and one shopping trip a week, and so far no guarantee of a hot bath.

mrs narcolept said...

I forgot to add that Naked Video was worth it just for Rab, theer y'are.

call me ishmael said...

Mr n will love you anew, grimy and covered in thistle seeds, mrs n. And Mr jgm2's is only half the story, a revolt into rythmn, a hallucinator's horror, as real, as entertaining as he wants, at the time; Scotland is all those things but so are most places; it is what is not in Scotland which is so priceless, and it must be seen,if you know what I mean, to be believed.

Connect with the elements voluntarily, whilst you can, before you must.

email me for more, if you want.