Tuesday, 17 August 2010


My fellow motherfuckers, there now abideth Faith, Hope and Charity and the greatest of these is Greed.

‘Out of office, but still in public life, Tony Blair remains a man of high intelligence and insight and above all a man of faith, idealism and integrity.’ 
George Dubya Chimp,
embezzler, drunk, coward,
coke-fiend, wife beater,
torturer and war criminal.

It's how we're spun, how we've always been spun; too busy wiping the shit from our faces to see the absurdity of all this.  If the British Legion was good for anything it would be saying Oi, cocksuckers, these blokes need a fucking rehabilitatiion unit, build one, staff it; it'll be twelve million quid, peanuts, pay up. And don't tell us there's no fucking money, just get it from the oil companies, the ones doing so well from Iraq. Or impound a couple of bankers' bonuses.

The very idea that the rehabilitation of soldiers wounded in Money's wars should be  a matter for begging, for celebrity "donation," is a fucking mind boggling impertinence,  akin to putting them on the streets to sell matches. Good job the Army fights a bit better than the British Legion. It's a bit like the Labour Party, I guess, the Legion, has to keep its clients wanting, deprived, begging, otherwise there's no need for it. A shitload of billions for Trident but no money for limbless ex-servicemen. Keep the home fires burning.


PT Barnum said...

Even by Blair's standards, it is a stroke of malevolent genius, this donating to a centre to repair the bodies of his own cannon-fodder. Now it can be made out to be a matter of patriotic duty to Buy His Book Early and Often, half a dozen copies in every household. A glorious thing to behold, eviscerating the critics before they can even uncap their pens. Any word nay-saying this book? Hate Our Brave Lads do you? Maybe you should go and live in Iraqistan...

mongoose said...

It is Mr PTB, the very pinnacle of ruination, is it not? The Legion should invite him in to donate his cheque and rip it in half before his face, the bastard, and before the cameras of every news agancy in the world. Horrible, horrible bastard. Fuck Tory this and Labour that. How about a bit of honour once in a while? How about a bit of Christian charity rather than CNN charity?

call me ishmael said...

There is as much chance of that, though, mr mongoose, as there is of tabloid Britain wising-up to what's really going on at Wootton fucking Bassett. Just as long as the legionaires get to march up and down, Hooning about, in their blazers and berets, then those coffins, full of bits of teenagers, can keep on coming. No business like show business.

Anonymous said...

I hope, as an exception, you don't mind me passing this one on, Mr Ishmael, but 'the dailymash', employing its own particular style, also nails it better than I could ever dream of doing:


Actually, talking of nails...if you can get hold of some cut boat nails, I could borrow a hammer. Better make the nails silver plated ones, though. Just in case.


And that's the problem, really, mr Mr M and Mr PTB - my wishful thinking will never translate into the appropriate action against a man who I believe has continually behaved in a dangerously self delusional way. So my contempt for him somehow rebounds on me.

Notwithstanding, there is comfort in seeing our collective contempt being poured out, and if we pour enough of it, eventually, even his (RBLCrotchgard© protected) smartly casual trouser bottoms will not escape the staining, however much he hops and skips between the bloody puddles.

call me ishmael said...

Thanks, mr anonymous; the Daily Mash, however, whose tone would once have seemed irreverent and scurrilous, is echoed all across the meeja; there are exceptions, Sir Michael Kneepads White, still fellating for the Arsebridger Guardian, is one of them, horrible cheesy fuckpig - was he banging Kimberley Quinn at the same time as Blunkett was, or was that that other cunt, Hoggart? - but otherwise cheap hacks, once so enamoured of Tony and Imelda, well, maybe not Imelda, so convinced of Gordon Snot's miraculous Prudence, all now seem ready to shit on Tony's motivation, here, in the time of his confession, in the hour of his deepest need - it's cheap PR, it's a tax dodge, it's blood money and so on, shit, by-numbers journalism not rocking any of Money's boats but welcome in that it must prick his monstrous bug-eyed, buck-toothed, jug-eared vanity.

I think it's great that he's popped-up like this, like what the copraphiliacs in the LibDems would call a Floater. mr mongoose and others foretell a soon-come, when all will be artfully and inarguably laid at the door of Snotman, thus entrenching Mr CallHimDave in the public affection; this little episode keeps Blair in the frame, the same Blair to whom CallHimDave would be heir, the same wretch who was applauded to the rafters by all in the Palace of Reptiles; Blair was as much the Commons' creature as he was George Dubya's, their own grinning androgyne, friend to the martyr, friend to the woman of shame, their own Jokerman, even the bloated, halitotic child molester, even the S&M pinstripe spiv, the dour, grubby, whining Treasury lesbians were touched by, dusted with his tacky glitter; his occasional, high-security foray into the UK reminds us that they all have more in common with each other than they do with us, his immeasureable vileness actually a public service.

My own contempt is vintage, 1995, appellation controllee, premier cru, in every possible public forum, at home and abroad, I have been damning Blair since he was in opposition and that is the only appropriate action open to a law-abiding citizen, which I am and blair isn't - it does not rebound on me and nor should yours, on you.

A final comment on the matter of Events: it was John Smith's sclerotic heart rather than Blair's and Brown's personal merits or expertise which visited this shitstorm upon us, which rained hot, Hoon-death on school playgrounds, suspended many from ropes, electrodes attached to their genitals, killed so many - too worthless to be counted - and torched the cradle of Civilisation, beggaring millions, in a region made refugee. Now, there's an Event - smug, overweight Jock lawyer drops dead, Arabia catches fire. Should take hardly anything to de-couple Bullingdon Boy from the ShitEaters

jgm2 said...

It's just Blair upping the ante on Brown. Let's see if Brown donates the fee for his self-fellating tome of utter shite and twisted logic to charidee.

A book every bit as surreal as the Grinning war-mongering Blair accepting a 'Peace medal - self-designed if you please. Like asking a kid to design his own gallantry medal.

A book by the deluded, insane, I-had-a-very-high-IQ-when-I-was-a-kid fucking lunatic Brown explaining how he personally saved the world from economic meltdown instead of being one of the chief architects. Indeed the chief architect in the UK.

Naaah. It's just rich-man Blair to whom a couple of million is (now) just peanuts trying to bounce the imbecile Brown into handing over the laundered money for his shite book in a similar show of 'generosity'.

It's not as if the 'profits' from the Maximum Imbecile's book will amount to fuck all is it?

jgm2 said...

Incidentally Mr Ishmael, over in the US at the minute. Free USA Today with the hotel room. Interesting article on this morning's front page.

Just as the Maximum Imbecile chose to expand the Public Service by a million in order to massage unemployment figures with borrowed money (Labour-voting-for the use of) and shower doctors with double the pay for half the work guess whose pay has doubled in the US in the last 10 years.

The military. Garrison towns now the richest per capit atowns in several states. The average total comp for a US serviceman now 122,000 USD. 70K in pay and 52 in benefits (housing, medical, pension etc).

70,000 USD. Fucking hell. That's an awful lot of money for a homicidal nutter who, prior to boot camp, was eating Dairy Queen meals 15 times a week and living in a trailer park.

It figures though. Bush buying redneck Republican votes pissing money at the military while Brown bought bedwetter votes pissing money into the 'public service.

Cunts all.

call me ishmael said...

Some stats for you mr jgm2, from the motherblog:

America’s biggest and only major jobs program is the U.S. military.

Over 1,400,000 Americans are now on active duty; another 833,000 are in the reserves, many full time. Another 1,600,000 Americans work in companies that supply the military with everything from weapons to utensils. (I’m not even including all the foreign contractors employing non-US citizens.)

If we didn’t have this giant military jobs program, the U.S. unemployment rate would be over 11.5 percent today instead of 9.5 percent.

Rally round the flag y'all.

Mr Snot, by the way, is probably at this very moment sorting out used footwear down at his local Oxfam shop, where he quietly spends two days a week, putting something back. And throwing toy phonews at the other volunteers. Not quite the Blair Foundation but he is a more modest man. And he must be pondering divorce and an openly gay life; no need for a split-arse, now; not that she actually did him any good.

yardarm said...

Dunno if I`ve mentioned this before but did contemplate writing a documentary on Jug Ears and Imelda`s love of the folding stuff since their salad days operating Derry Irvine`s Xerox. ' Chasing the Golden Ambulance ' it was to be called.

On reflection I decided it would need a stronger stomach, longer fuse and lower blood pressure than I possess.

mongoose said...

An interesting observation, Mr Ishmael, about the untimely demise of John Smith. And he now regarded as some paragon of virtue. Like Dewar, the swine. Worthless errand boys both, I thought. One bacon butty too many and now saints resting their everlasting rest.

But the slightness of the butterfly wing that causes death to be rained on Eden is a sad idea. Similarly, if Portaloo had not lost to the ghastly Twigg, maybe the world would have been different too. Certainly Blather may not have had three goes, his guilt so well concealed, if he'd been held to more effective account. A laughable idea now that Polly would have been up to it but the established wisdom then.

Similarly - maybe - a few votes here and there turn into a seat here and there, and, lo, iDave had to make his deal with the Dogshooters. And the rest is history, as they say on Channel 5..

call me ishmael said...

It may be laughable - Portillo the blair-slayer - but I thought it, too; Oh, how I did, me, the anarcho-plumber, longing for an adept Tory. They are all unheroic, back-stabbing cowards and Portillo, for fear of outing, was fucked even before Mr Twigg; his cowardice squirms, yet, 'neath Andy Neil's crude barbs, a most unedifying spectacle, the public Michael Portillo. Odd, and proof of Ruin, that the front bench is now occupied by individuals even lesser than Portillo.

We shall see, but I insist that the more we abuse them, the greater the chance of their fall.

I have had a radio play floating around in my mind for years now, mr yardarm, about Blair and Bush, captured by ayrabs, but I have neither the stomach or the ability to write it.

One of the telly fat ladies claims to have been in chambers, as they call it, with Tony, Imelda and Derry and to have shocking information about that trio, collectively and separately but she's an obnoxious cow and won't say any more than that, a former lawyer's first duty being to herself, presumably.

Anyone have any ideas what she was on about, there was talk of Derry banging Imelda - when he wasn't banging Donald Dewar's wife - there was talk of Tony being done for cottaging, of questionable paternities; anyone got any dirt on this?

mongoose said...

One rumour is that Blather batted for both teams while at college and for a while thereafter at least. And that there was some early sexual incontinence whilst they all shared that flat. Then we move to Fawkes' rocking horse quality muck-raking with an alleged HoC Blather-McDoom encounter witnessed by Mandelswine, and an unlikely alleged cottaging incident in 2003 under the name of Charles Lynton. I do not know of any paternity issues.

Derry apparently banged anything, as did Booth. Seventies Slappers both.

And the Dunblane cover-up, about which you will know vastly more than I do.

richard said...

I watched his speech when he took his leave of Northern Ireland, and as I recall he never once thanked or mentioned the soldiers who served there. I'm not entirely convinced that he's sincere.