Friday, 19 February 2010


Chilcott, verb and noun;

v, to be chilcotted - asked long- winded, bumbling, irrelevant questions which are easy to sideswipe, it was more of a chilcotting than an interrogation, like a swift rubdown with a feather duster, really;

noun - shit; this is a right load of chilcott, innit?

from stanislav's Great Book of Shite


If he'd been closer to me I would have taken him out with a salvo of mobile phones, like I do the typing girls, never mind what Tony Hitler, I mean Tony Blair says, about Weapons of Mass Destruction, everybody knows his country was a rusty shitbucket, good for fuck all, couldn't raise an erection, never mind an army, rather, your worships, like we are now, after my first few triumphant years; it was the cheeky fucker's refusal to do as I told him which led to my invading Iraq and deposing him, Saddam, not Tony Hitler, although I managed that a wee while later, Vote Hitler, Get Brown, that was my pledge. And the invasion was the right thing for the country, not for Iraq, mind, or for this one which I successfully lead to complete Ruin but for the great shining retirement destination of everyone in UK politics and organised crime, the United States of Murrca.

"If Saddam Hussein had signed up to international commitments to disclose everything about munitions to the international community and didn't do it and then failed to respond properly, then the United Nations itself and collective action by the world community itself was put at risk, so for me that was the issue." mumbled the snot-eating lunatic, incoherently.

" Everybody else said that we had to invade because of WMD but I was the only one to think that Saddam was very disobedient and had to go on the naughty step. And then fall through it, only the rope thoughtfully tied around his neck breaking his otherwise dangerous fall. I was always the cleverest boy in the class and only I knew what was really happening in Iraq. To invade a sovereisgn nation on the basis of what Alastair Campbell had completely made-up would be rather like me having an election to validate my prime ministership and then not having it, or giving away all the gold with free TESCO points, or wanting, rather like Mr Saddm, himself. to lock everyone up and beat them, or rather have them beaten and wired-up to the national grid by nasty nignogs because of course I am against torture even though it is the right thing for the country. It would have been entirely the wrong thing to do so that is why I did it. So there, Blair and everyone else was wrong and only I was right. Thank you, your worships, I believe I have proved my worth to the British people. Vote for me and stamp out naughtiness and inattention in class"

"Capital Punishment, yes, entirely against it, apart from when Murrca does it. Ditto with torture, kidnap, detention and, well, anything really."

"Yes, there are questions, about Mr Hoon and others who say naughty things, these are very real questions and I am very keen to make up answers to them just as soon as I have told you what they are and when to ask them, just like everyone else does here. Chilcotting, it is the right thing for the country."

"Regrets, nein, Ich haben keine regretten.....if I had to do it all over again, I would do it all over the British people. And the Iraqis and Afghanis. And Tony Hitler, of course."

sings, in doleful, brown voice: Oh I come from Alabama with a banjo on m'knee, Oh, I come from Alabama, with a banjo on my knee, O-o-o-h, Sarah-George, Oh don't you cry for me..........

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