PETE CUCKOLD ROBINSHITE
AND MARTY KNEECAPS McGUINNESS.
A lying, thieving, absurd, ridiculed Presbyterian gabshite and a mass murderer, torturer, extorionist and arsonist - the cream of Ulster's political caste, Jesus fucking wept - get all angry, in a manly way, dearies, about Northern Ireland's burst water pipes, so they do, fucking monsters.
We're fed-up with this, said Robinshite, but at least it doesn't involve my slag of a Mrs fucking an eighteen year old boy, fiddling her exes, diverting public funds to the wee fucker and me having to lie my scabby, Orange arse off about it, being forced to investigate myself and pronounce myself ignorant of every fucking thing and pure as the driven snow, and her hiding away on pretend suicide watch, the mad slut, even though I have amassed a huge personal fortune from the people of Northern Ireland, so it doesn't. These eejits at the Water Board, we don't know what we can do about them, but we'll find something, or maybe we won't. Looking resolute and manly for the camers, that's the thing, so it is.
Aye, Peter's right, so he is, they're pure eejits, them fellas from the Water Board, and if they don't watch out, they'll be getting a visit from a man with a Black and Decker, so they will, said Marty Kneecaps, angrily, through gritted teeth. I mean, Jesus, Mary and Joseph, when me and the Men wanted to upset the population we'd just, in the interest of promoting a modern, pluralist democracy, blow them to fuck up, leave their guts hanging from the ceiling, so we would, maybe bury some of them alive, but that was the exception, and we normally only did it to women, dirty whores who'd spoken out of turn. In all our years of killing three thousand citizens and maiming thirty thousand and razing the rotten stinkling shithole to the ground, I don't think we ever made folks go without water. No, firebombs, nailbombs, fertiliser bombs, guns, Semtex and in the case of the odd British officer, we'd feed the bastard, alive, into a big fuck-off mincing machine, so we would; this business with water pipes bursting, though, and the people having to queue up, it's just plain un fucking civilised. So it is.
One hopes that in years to come people will properly examine the impact of Blair's annointing the monster McGuinness as deputy first minister of Ulster, instead of throwing the horrible fucking bastard in jail. Not tough on crime, not tough on the causes of crime. Conflict resolution, they call it.