Thursday, 30 December 2010


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A lying, thieving, absurd, ridiculed  Presbyterian gabshite and a mass murderer, torturer, extorionist and arsonist - the cream of Ulster's political caste, Jesus fucking wept - get all angry, in a manly way, dearies,  about Northern Ireland's burst water pipes, so they do, fucking monsters.

We're fed-up with this, said Robinshite, but at least it doesn't involve my slag of a Mrs fucking an eighteen year old boy, fiddling her exes,  diverting public funds to the wee fucker and me having to lie my scabby, Orange arse off about it, being forced to investigate myself and pronounce myself ignorant of every fucking thing and pure as the driven snow,  and her hiding away on pretend suicide watch,  the mad slut, even though I have amassed a huge personal fortune from the people of Northern Ireland, so it doesn't.  These eejits at the Water Board, we don't know what we can do about them, but we'll find something, or maybe we won't.  Looking resolute and manly for the camers, that's the thing, so it is.

Aye,  Peter's right, so he is, they're pure eejits, them fellas from the Water Board, and if they don't watch out, they'll be getting a visit from a man with a Black and Decker, so they will, said Marty Kneecaps, angrily, through gritted teeth.  I mean, Jesus, Mary and Joseph, when me and the Men wanted to upset the population we'd just, in the interest of promoting a modern, pluralist democracy,  blow them to fuck up, leave their guts hanging from the ceiling, so we would, maybe bury some of them alive, but that was the exception, and we normally only did it to women, dirty whores who'd spoken out of turn. In all our years of killing three thousand citizens and maiming thirty thousand and razing the rotten stinkling shithole to the ground, I don't think we ever made folks go without water. No, firebombs, nailbombs, fertiliser bombs, guns, Semtex and in the case of the odd British officer, we'd feed the bastard, alive,  into a big fuck-off mincing machine,  so we would;  this business with water pipes bursting, though, and the people having to queue up, it's just plain un fucking civilised. So it is.

One hopes that in years to come people will properly examine the impact of Blair's annointing the monster McGuinness as deputy first minister of Ulster, instead of  throwing the horrible fucking bastard in jail.  Not tough on crime, not tough on the causes of crime. Conflict resolution, they call it.


yardarm said...

Scum rises, eh ? It only needs terrorist and nonce protector Gerry Adams to join them to make a triumvirate of trash.

a young Anglo-Irish catholic said...

Deep joy. Was hoping for the Ishmaelite view on this you-couldnt-make-it-up lunacy.

Aye well, catch yerself on, running the water board is part of the peace dividend, innit?

Personally, I blame the Pope and those catholic ditch diggers who couldn't fix a leak to save their lives.

Anonymous said...

What is it about yon Olstermairn that they never smile, Mr Ishmael? We have had our wee Troubles here in England from time to time, but that never stopped the likes of Mr Gordon Brown from cheering us with his warm, friendly grin, did it?

Mrs Robinsomekidscherry said...

Wooden feckin water pipes from the 19th Century ? It's an abomination so it is. An abomination.

mongoose said...

No water in Ireland? Jeez, it rains three days out of every four. I heard some arse on th radio saying it was "because of the Troubles" - underinvestment. This is paddyspeak for "the fucking Brits did it, so they did". Eegits! Let 'em drink Guinness.

jgm2 said...


Ah yes. That old go-to of fucked up ex-colonies all over the globe. 'If it wasn't for the Brits we'd be living in fucking paradise'. Beloved of the likes of Comrade Bob Mugabe and the ret of the murdering sociopaths of Africa and our very own Irish fuckwits.

Just as I predicted I'm starting to see on the Irish websites exactly the same sentiment. Sure if it wasn't for the British our economy would be just fucking great. Sure isn't it all the British banks fault. And sure don't they owe us all in perpetuity anyway for all the trouble they've caused this past 800 years. And sure it's not our fault at all, us being independent and infallible and all. How could it be our fault? Simply not possible. Us all being so much better educated now than at any time in our history. It must be somebody elses fault. But definitely the Brits. Sure it's the least the Brits could do to just give us 200bn quid to salve their guilty consciences the fucking bastards...

Wouldn't even thank the cunts if they did. Least they could do for us after their shameful history...etc etc.

So, without doubt, it'll be the Brit's fault that the Irish can't maintain what their Victorian betters gave them for free. Fucking Brits. Give you something 100 years ago and then expect you to fucking maintain it at your own cost.