Sunday 19 September 2010

RUIN, A GROUP PORTRAIT.


NAME THOSE CELEBRITY SINNERS, LEFT TO RIGHT.

1, I AM NOT AN INCOMPETENT, COWARDLY, SNOT-EATING,  LUNATIC FAIRY WHO BURNED ALL THE MONEY.

2, AND I AM NOT A SLIMY, HYPOCRITICAL, WARMONGERING COCKSUCKER.

3, AND I AIN'T ONE A THEM STICKY-FINGERED,  MOTORMOUTHING SCOUSE SHITBAGS; NO WAY, JOSE, I'M AN EMINENT LAWYER, ME, HER HONOUR JUDGE IMELDA BLAIR, THAT'S WHO I AM. JUST COS I WHORED THE OFFICE OF PRIME MINISTER LIKE NONE BEFORE, SO FUCKING WHAT?

4, MY HUSBAND NEVER HAD SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH THAT  WOMAN, EGGWINA.

5, WELL, I MAY HAVE HAD SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH THAT WOMAN, BUT ON THE OTHER HAND, I MAY NOT, THAT'S FOR ME TO KNOW AND YOU TO FIND OUT. I'M RULING NOTHING IN AND RULING NOTHING OUT,  A-HA HA,
ANYONE FOR CRICKET AND SPINSTERS?

6, ON MY LEFT, Y'KNOW,  IS MY SON,  WILLIAM, THE ONE I NEVER HAD,  REJOICE! WE ARE A MAD FOSTERMOTHER.  THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS THE FAMILY. THAT GENTLEMAN IN THE FROCK, IS IT JONATHAN AITKEN? I ALWAYS KNEW HE WAS A TRANSWOTSANAME

7, I AM DEFINITELY NOT AY BISEXUAL WHO SLEEPS WITH MEN HALF MY AGE, ASK MY OFFICIAL WIFE, FFFFFION, IF SHE HAS AY MOMENT BETWEEN MISCARRIAGES.

8, I AM NICKY GIMP, MP, AND I SERVE TORIES.

9, I MAY BE A MIDGET BUT MY WIFE IS A SIX-FOOT, DRUNKEN SLAPPER.

10, UND I AM NOT ZE MAN VOT SPENT SIRTY YEARS COVERING UP ZE VAST GLOBAL NETVERK OV NONCING MONSIGNORS, AKA ZE CATHOLIC CHURCH, UND BLAMING ZE KINDER FOR ZE PRIEST STICKING HIS COCK UP ZE DELICIOUS LITTLE KIDDY ARSE, SIEG HEIL! I MEAN IN NOMINE PADRE, FILIS ET SPIRITUS SANCTUS



2 comments:

Woman on a Raft said...

Claps. Whistles. Stamps feet.

mongoose said...

I think that Bercow may the worst of them. He is just too horrible to think about. Sure, most of the others have killed a bunch of folk, or starved them, but Bercow is waiting for his moment to be Bastard-in-Chief. He won't let me down.