Saturday, 4 September 2010


Well, the first thing is to say that everybody does it, said Gerry, a handsome, clever young doctor. 

Taking bribes or abandoning three infants while you go on the piss, it's all the same. I mean, who hasn't left their infants alone and at risk, who hasn't taken a bribe? It really is unhelpful to pretend that there's something wrong in shockingly bad behaviour.  I mean, our difficulty was only with little children, yours is so much more important, being about money.

Yeah, said Cilla, a beautiful and clever young doctor, and the other thing is just to not answer any questions them bizzies ask you.  They have such a cheek, asking you all them questions like that, just cos you're gorgeous, like I am.

And the other thing, added Dr Gerry, helpfully, in his soft Scottish whine, is to blame the police for everything, I mean if they'd been looking after the children, as they should have been, none of this would have happened to poor little Wotsername.  What you need to do is blame the police for not doing their job right, it's actually their fault that you took the bribe.
And the other thing is that you can turn this to your advantage, like, continued beautiful |Cilla. You know, like the public'll stand for the three-card trick;  just tell 'em that you need their help to get away  with it and they'll send you shitloads of money, pay-off your mortgage and everything. With our help you can all win Sportsman of the Year Award,  never mind get convicted; just like everybody thinks we're great parents, like, even though we're shit.. Yeah, I know, fab, innit.  That'll be ten grand, please. To help us find Madeleine, like.


PT Barnum said...

I'm waiting for the vulgar pair to leap on the bandwagon of the convictions of celebrities in Portugal for raping little orphans, to have them say 'See? Told ya! Them Portugeezers are filthy child abusing scum'. In 3, 2, 1....

call me ishmael said...

Aye, vulgar, wicked and greedy, they are emblematic of the Blair-Brown years, of the power of skymadeupnewsandfilth - maybe due for a bit of exposure this weekened - and of the fathomless, contemptible stupidity of large parts of the nation.

Agatha said...

Seems the country is more interested in bribable Pakistani cricket players than the fact that Pakistan is under water. The t.v. carries the usual footage of death, disease, loss, children dying, flies, abandoned animals; failing to stir up compassion amongst the compassion-fatigued viewers, who watch in a sort of disaster-ghoul way, as they watch the unnatural disaster footage of foreign wars.I'm pretty old now and very, very tired of all this shit that I used to get quite excitable about. Money given in charity is used to buy guns to keep corrupt regimes in power. The ruling elites of the countries hit by disaster could sort it all out from their personal bank accounts if they gave a shit, but they probably welcome disasters on the basis it will attract more foreign currency. I can't do a damn thing about the perpetual war that our country is engaged in. No matter where I place my vote, nothing changes, except for the worst. This perpetual war, waged on various shades of brown people who are leading pretty shitty lives anyway, is supposedly necessary to support Britain's interests. I asked a colleague if there was a single year since the Second World War when Britain wasn't at war, Apparently there was only one year - 1968, I think, when no British troops were killed in some sort of action.
There's been an earthquake in New Zealand. It is as if the planet is a patient cow, twitching its skin to dislodge the irritating flies. Apres moi, les mouches.