Now, look, lessbequiteclear about this. The outgoing Culture Seckatry has done nothing wrong, Mr Tiny Speaker, and I am very sorry to see her go merely because she has. Lessfaceit, the right honourable lady has been central to the many achievements of this govament in turning the land into a Sodom and Gommorah of which we in this house can be rightly proud,
Cheers. Waving of order papers. Cross-party voices in unison: Si-i-ing ii you're glad to be gay, sing if you're happy that way....
Indeed, Mr Tiny Speaker, were it not for the right honourable lady, many silly old fairies up and down the land would not, today, be facetiously calling one another husband and wife.
Cheers. Applause. Waving of order papers. Cross party voices in unison, with some three-part harmony: Ma -reeeah, I'll ne-vah stop say-ing Ma-reeeah.
The most remarkable thing about the right honourable lady is that throughout this whole sorry saga, she has put herself first, cheating the taxpayer, frustrating the investigatots and reluctantly apologising in terms which can only be described as mealy-mouthed, weaselish and insincere. That she has kept her main job, which, lessbeclears, she can swiftly supplement with proper jobs outside this place, that she will keep her pension and that she may well find herself back in cabinet, alongside Mr Laws is a testament to the rigour with which my govament treats benefits cheats.
Hear- hear. Applause. Cheers. Entire house, apart from John Mann, breaks into song: Fo-o-or he's a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly good fellow.......
Order-order. The house will come to order. There now follows a statement from the right honourable the leader of the opposition, Mr Ed Wotsit.
Thank you, Mr Tiny Speaker and I am sure that members all across the house will join with me in expresing our profound sorrow at the tragic loss of Ms Peachy Geldof, she was a fine and serious columnist, a deft and skilled broadcaster who brought real gravitas to the world of trivia which she inhabited and she will be sorely missed by her many brain-impaired followers, some of whom might vote for me but I doubt it. Her loss is tragic almost out of all proportion and our thoughts will be with her repeatedly unfortunately bereaved father Sir Bob Gabshite. And at this time, would the prime minister agree with me that a state funeral for Ms Peachy is the very least that a grieving nation can offer as a mark of respect.
Cheers. Waving of order papers. Hear-hear.
Order-Order. I now move that as a mark of respect to both Ms Peachy Thicko and Ms Maria Thief, the house do now adjourn so's we can all go on our holidays, attend gatyweddings, cavort with rentboys and gather in conclave to stitch-up my former Deputy Mr Tiny Speaker, Mr Nige the Fag Evans. All in favour say Aye, The Ayes have it, the Ayes have it. C'mon lessfuckoffouttahere.