Saturday 4 May 2013

SITUATIONS VACANT.

A VACANCY HAS ARISEN FOR A BLOGDOG.

THE IDEAL CANDIDATE MUST BE A YORKSHIRE TERRIER UP TO SEVEN YEARS OF AGE. OR SO . AND NO MONEY MUST CHANGE HANDS.

THE SUCCESSFUL CANDIDATE WILL BE WELL-FED AND CLOTHED; WILL BE ALLOWED TO SIT ON THE FURNITURE, SLEEP ON THE BEDS - ALTHOUGH, IF ANYONE ASKS WE MUST ALL SAY HE SLEEPS IN THE LAUNDRY -  TRAVEL IN THE FRONT OF THE CAR AND SLEEP, AS REQUIRED,  IN BLOGDOG-FRIENDLY HOTELS.  HIS OR HER HEALTH INSURANCE WILL BE PAID BY HIS OR HER NEW PEOPLE.  HE WILL HAVE AS HIS DAILY TERRITORY A ONE-ACRE WALLED GARDEN AND A SMALL, QUIET SHORELINE.

HIS OR HER DUTIES WILL INCLUDE BARKING LOUDLY AT STRANGERS AND BITING THE LEGS OF VISITING MORMONS,  JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES OR ANY OTHER SORTS OF TRAVELLING SALESPERSONS AS WELL AS THE USUAL SITTING IN PEOPLE'S LAPS AND BEING STROKED AND TOLD, THERE'S A GOODBOY.  OR GIRL.

THIS IS AN IDEAL POSITION FOR A BLOKE WHO, THROUGH NO FAULT OF HIS OWN, NEEDS A NEW HOME. THE SUCCESSFUL APPLICANT WILL BE COLLECTED FROM ALMOST ANYWHERE IN ENGLAND, SCOTLAND OR WALES.

APPLICATIONS AND EXPRESSIONS OF INTEREST IN THE POST TO:  callmeishmael@live.co.uk or VIA THIS BLOG.

4 comments:

Arthur said...

Good luck to you, sir. May you be successful.
I am from Yorkshire, but I am an octogenarian bipedal, so I am not offering my services.

Anonymous said...

I was genuinely moved when Buster went. Although my own canine pals are big enough to pat without bending down, being a Weimeraner/labrador and a Collie, the Yorkie is without doubt an appealing manifestation of the canine spirit. Best of luck in finding a new wee friend.
-richard

call me ishmael said...

Thanks, mr anon. I always told him he had friends he couldn't even guess at. Didn't make him behave any better, though.

mrs narcolept said...

A new little lionheart will be very lucky.